


You Again?

by quinnlocke



Series: You Found Me [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffee, College AU, Hockey, Modern AU, Multi, Slow Burn, cameos from origins and inquisition, college kids, culinary school, geek references galore, slowest of burns, the squad in college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 67,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5301725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnlocke/pseuds/quinnlocke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian Hawke is in her second year of culinary school and is wondering if she's doing it because she wants to or to preserve her fathers legacy.<br/>Fenris is a new transfer at Free Marches University and bears a striking resemblance to the boy Marian lost her virginity to at summer camp. The boy who never wrote. But it's not him is it?</p><p>A modern AU of DA2 with fluff, angst, coffee and cooking</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Isabela, coffee, now.” Marian Hawke mumbled as she stumbled into The Sirens Call, her favorite local coffee shop. Isabela, the owner, laughed as she handed Hawke her usual. Light and sweet with a shot of vanilla. Hawke held the cup between her hands and inhaled deeply.

 

“Really Hawke, you’ve been back in classes for a month. You can’t be exhausted already, and you’re supposed to drink it darling not inhale it.”

 

“I know, but I always like to smell it first. Let my brain know the goodness is coming soon.”

 

“What did you do before I opened this place?”

 

“Suffered.”

 

“Ha, just for that you get a free scone.”

 

“This is why I love you. Marry me, we’ll run away together and open a café in Orlais.”

 

“You know I could never settle down. Besides what would poor Merrill do if we left her and ran way to Orlais?”

 

“Come with us, she’s small enough to fit in a carry on.”

 

“Tell me you’re not bringing that up again? I was drunk and no one believed me when I said I could fit into a duffel bag.” Merrill said as she walked in.

 

Isabela raised an eyebrow and looked to Hawke for confirmation, who smiled and nodded. She laughed and handed Merrill her green tea.

 

“How do you always know what I want before I do?”

 

“Because I’m good at what I do kitten. You always want green tea early in the week. You start to crave chai when Wednesday rolls around and if it’s been a rough day or you have a final you always get the double shot macchiato, with almond milk.”

 

“How about the three of us move to Orlais and live in sin?” Merrill asked taking her first sip and smiling.

 

“How about you two worry about graduating and then we can talk about living in sin.”

 

“That’s still two years away; I want to think about sin. Don’t make me think about class. I have to do my practical today and I broke my last three hollandaise sauces.” Hawke moaned nibbling on her scone. Chef Athenril had called her out in front of the class after the last one and forced her to explain what she had done wrong.

 

“Hawke you have managed to make a four course feast for us in my studio kitchen. You can do this; you have the talent you’re just over thinking it.”

 

“It’s the chef! She knows my uncle Gamlen. He sold her a bad batch of oysters and she has never forgotten it.”

 

“How does she even know you’re related?”

 

“He was drunk at the Rose going on about how my mother asked him to keep an eye on me while I’m at college. She put two and two together and once she realized I was from Ferelden she figured it out.”

 

“Oh sweetie I am so sorry.”

 

“It’s my own fault. She wanted me to go to Denerim University and be close to home. My first pick was Culinary Institute of Antiva. I only applied to Free Marches because she thought it would be nice to still have family close by.”

 

“Yes but if you went to Antiva you never would have met me.” Merrill said patting her on the shoulder. Their meeting had been purely by chance. Hawke’s first roommate had been a disaster. The girl spent her first week crying in the bathroom when her boyfriend didn’t text her good morning and would make phone calls to him at 3am demanding to know where he was. She applied for a roommate transfer and was told there were no additional rooms and she would have to wait until the next semester. Yet fate was smiling that day because as she was leaving Merrill burst into the office demanding a new roommate. Hers had nearly burned the dorm down when she forgot to turn off her hot plate.

 

“And you wouldn’t be here every morning begging me for caffeine like some slattern.” Isabela said with a wink as she passed them each a second cup. Hawke put a ten on the counter and she and Merrill left to face the day’s classes.

 

***

 

October had come through Kirkwall and chased away the warmth of summer. The last of the leaves had turned and painted the ground in reds and gold’s. Hawke kept her unoccupied hand warm by stuffing it into her pocket. She had been spoiled by the afternoon classes of her first semester, even more so by the evening ones. When she had enrolled in her second year she had been flabbergasted to find that her practical kitchen courses were only taught at seven in the morning.

 

Sirens Call had opened towards the end of her first semester. Isabela had planned to open at the beginning of the school year in order to take advantage of the influx of students. But there had been some hang ups with her business partner leaving with half of their investment. But she had persevered and when she opened just weeks before midterms she suddenly found herself with a large crowd of hapless students all in desperate need of caffeine. Hawke and Merrill soon became her most loyal customers and a friendship developed between them quickly.

 

Hawke was pulled out of her musings by the chirping of her cell phone. She pulled it out and found a text from her sister.

 

**Bethy** _6:45 am_

Remind me again why I love mother…….

 

Hawke laughed, the twins would be graduating in the spring and she knew all to well what their mother must be like. Leandra Hawke was a good mother, sometimes a bit too good.

 

**Hawke** _6:47 am_

The day has barely begun what could she have possibly done?

 

**Bethy** _6:48 am_

Carver had pamphlets for the military and police academy in his room. She’s freaking out.

 

**Hawke** _6:48 am_

I have to get to class, call me later this afternoon

 

She thought for a moment and sent another text

 

**Hawke** _6:50 am_

What did I tell you about leaving evidence?

 

**Carver** _6:51 am_

She decided to clean my room. Beth told you?

 

**Hawke** _6:52 am_

Duh, be with her when she calls me later. Gtg

 

***

 

Surprisingly the events of the morning did nothing to hamper her success in class that day. She made a perfect hollandaise and for once Athenril had only praise for her. The five hour lab went by like a flash and when she turned her phone back on her happiness sputtered out fast. Five missed calls and a string of texts all from her family.

 

She listened to her mother’s voice mail and cringed.

 

“You knew about this didn’t you? This is just like what happened when you applied to Antiva behind my back. Honestly you think that the three of you would realize that nothing gets past me. I always know what my children are up to. I can’t believe you would encourage him to keep something from me? Why do you do this? Do you think I am like this because I don’t love you? I just want to see you all safe and happy and home damn it. Call me!”

 

Leandra had not taken the death of her husband well. When she finally recovered from the shock of losing the father of her children she had become fiercely protective of them. They had all been given lectures about safety, strangers, and any other random acts of destruction that could befall them. When Hawke got her license she had to deal with phone calls every hour checking on her where abouts. Carver was taking the brunt of it though. He was the only boy and the youngest by minutes. He looked so much like their father that it was a wonder that their mother didn’t lock him up just to make sure no harm ever befell him.

 

“Hi mom.”

 

“Marian.”

 

“I didn’t put him up to it. But I didn’t exactly discourage him from keeping it a secret.”

 

“I know I can be a bit over bearing. I just don’t want to lose anymore family. You understand that right? My parents died when the twins were barely a week old and I never see my brother. With you gone off to college and them soon enough. I just want one of my children to want to stay here, with me.”

 

“Mom I’m going to say this only because I have miles of safety to protect me and I know you can’t hit me over the phone. Its time you had a boyfriend.”

 

“Marian!”

 

“Ok ok I’m joking. But really mom the twins are going to be eighteen in a few weeks. Don’t you think maybe its time to loosen the strings just a little bit? I mean has Bethany even said where she plans on applying?”

 

“No she won’t tell me anything anymore. Neither of them will. I’m not a bad mother; I just want what’s best for all of you.”

 

“Mom remember that talk we had when I applied to Antiva? I told you that I was afraid to even mention it to you and how upset you were? You’ve gotta rein it in a little bit. We’re not leaving you forever you know?”

 

“It’s hard Marian. I barely had your father and you are all I have left of him. I just don’t want to be alone in this house for the rest of my life while my children go off and live lives that don’t involve me.”

 

“Please mom for all our sakes join a book club, a knitting circle, yoga, please anything. The empty nest phase happens for all mothers. You don’t want to be like Dulci do you? Last I heard the DeLauncet kids won’t even come home for the holidays if they can avoid it.”

 

“All right, just can I at least protest him joining the military?”

 

“I’ll give you that one.”

 

“Thank you. How have your classes been?”

 

“Not too bad. I managed to not break my hollandaise this time.”

 

“That’s wonderful sweet heart. I guess I should probably let you get back to whatever it was you were doing.”

 

“I was going to indulge in my afternoon coffee fix.”

 

“You really shouldn’t drink so much caffeine. It’s a wonder you can even sleep.”

 

“Love you too mom. Bye.”

 

“Very funny, good bye dear.”

 

Hawke smiled as she hung up the phone, she clicked through the texts from her siblings and figured she’d just call them later that day. She had put out most of the fire; they would need to finish the rest on their own. She was about to put her phone away when it chirped again.

 

**Anders** _12:45 pm_

Coffee break already?

 

She looked around but didn’t see him anywhere. Anders did that to her constantly. He never just yelled hello or came over, he always sent the sneaky spy texts.

 

**Hawke** _12:47 pm_

Where are you hiding now? You could just join me.

 

**Anders** _12:48 pm_

And spoil the fun of watching you whip your head around trying to find me, never in a million years. Sirens call?

 

**Hawke** _12:49 pm_

Of course I have an hour until my next class, meet me there?

 

**Anders** _12:50 pm_

Wish I could but I have physical therapy, have a double and tell Bela I’ll pay for it

 

**Hawke** _12:51pm_

You don’t need to buy me things

 

**Anders** _12:52 pm_

And you don’t have to do late night cram sessions with me, but you still do. Have a coffee on me birdie :P

 

Anders was in his third year in the culinary program, and in his fourth year at FMU. He had originally come in on a full hockey scholarship. The star goalie of Kinloch High he had a bright future ahead of him. Until the final game of the winning season when an opposing player slammed into him as he tried to block their shot. FMU had won, but Anders would never play again. Hockey season was both exciting and excruciating when he was around.

 

She opened the door to Sirens Call and heard her phone chirp again as she made her way to the counter.

 

**Merrill** _1:00 pm_

Please tell me you’re getting coffee?

 

“Hey Bela, I’ll take my usual and I’m gonna need a Merrill perk me up. Also throw in some of those cookies. Oh and Anders said this one is on him.”

 

**Hawke** _1:_ _01pm_

One double shot with almond coming up, meet you in the quad.


	2. Chapter 2

Anders hated physical therapy. He appreciated what they were doing for him and the progress he had made with his recovery. But he hated going there. It was a constant reminder of what he had lost. Hockey had been his life for as long as he had remembered. Lake Calenhad had been his first ice rink and he felt more in control on skates than he did in his own shoes.

 

The memory of the game lingered for him even years later. The pain at feeling the other players skate slice into the side of his leg. The way his knees had felt as they crashed into the ice. He was still surprised sometimes that he could even walk anymore. His parents still didn’t understand why he chose to join the culinary program.

 

If hockey had been his life then cooking had been his passion. He had worked as a dishwasher in high school during the off season. When the prep cook went away on maternity leave the head chef decided to give him a shot. When he had learned he had gotten a full scholarship to FMU there was a small part of him that wanted to major in the culinary program. When the doctors said he’d never play again he knew it was a sign.

 

“All right, looks like everything is still working. Have you been having any issues?”

 

“Sometimes when I bend down I feel them lock up a bit.”

 

“What’s your major again?”

 

“Culinary.”

 

The woman looked at him with raised eyebrows. He had heard this conversation over and over again. All the standing, the long hours, why didn’t he do something that put a bit less of a strain on his legs. Anders didn’t care; he was a passionate man and didn’t believe in taking the easy road.

 

“I’ve been wearing the knee braces and I do all my exercises daily. I also make sure to use the heat wraps when the weather gets cold. I assure you I am doing all I have to.”

 

“You’re a stronger man than most I see come in here.”

 

“Much handsomer and more charming as well I assume?”

 

“You assume a lot.”

 

“I assume you drink coffee?”

 

“I might.”

 

“I’d love to buy you one.”

 

At least he had kept his good looks and personality. Who needed knees when you could smile the pants off of pretty physical therapists?

 

***

 

Isabela had finally moved out of her studio above the coffee shop and into a real apartment. One with actual rooms and a closet that didn’t open into the bathroom. To celebrate she invited them all over for a house warming party, five months after the fact. Anders had offered to cook but Bela wouldn’t hear of it. She didn’t want to make her friends work when they should be partying. They were currently arguing over where to order take out from.

 

“Please no more pizza; if I have to look at pizza again I might very well never want to eat ever again in my life.” Hawke announced and Merrill had seconded. They had been surviving on microwave pizzas because a slip up in the registration office left them with zero funds on their meal passes.

 

After much debate it was decided the only way to enjoy the night was to order something from every menu they could find.

 

“Ok so my plate is now an accurate representation of the world. As you can see Orlais and Ferelden are keeping their distance but slowly coming together. Antiva and Rivain are just sliding together as they are wont to do.” Merrill said as she poked at her food.

 

“Speaking as a Rivaini who has slid with a few Antivans I would have to agree.” Isabela said popping a dumpling into her mouth. She was about to embellish the story further when she was interrupted by the doorbell.

 

“Did we order something else and forget about it?” she asked as she opened the door. On the other side was a very tall very haggard looking red head.

 

“Aveline? You actually made it?”

 

“Yes, now that I actually write my appointments down in my phone I get alerts to remind me where I’m supposed to be.” She said with a weary smile.

 

“Everyone I would like you to meet my old college roommate Aveline Vallen.” She said and Anders pulled out a chair for her. She nodded and gave thanks and made herself a plate.

 

“So tell me what miracle occurred that my friend the assistant district attorney was able to actually leave the office on a Saturday?”

 

“For once there’s actually nothing for me to get done. The issue with the gang activity has been quelled. We charged most of them and the rest were too young to bring charges against so they’ve been dealt some hard community service as punishment. Though I was a bit disappointed with some of the sentences, Jevan isn’t pushing for the hard ones anymore. Its like his heart just isn’t in it.”

 

“Someday that will be you big girl and all of Kirkwall’s lawbreakers will cower and flee. Peace will live in the realm.”

 

Aveline laughed and helped herself to a very large glass of wine. They spent most of the night listening to Isabela and Aveline share stories of their time at FMU. How they were roommates from the very first semester onward. Aveline had been in law and Isabela was a business major.

 

“I went by Sirens Call the other day. Business is doing well then?” Aveline said swirling her wine.

 

“Good enough that I don’t have to live above the building anymore. I actually rented it out over the summer to one of my employees. Looking for a new tenant now since he moved to the dorms once classes started. Know of anyone looking?”

 

“I’ll ask around. Might be someone on the force looking to have their own place. I’m sure a lot of cops would love an apartment that smelled like coffee all the time.”

 

“If it was big enough for the two of us Merrill and I would be first in line.” Hawke said.

 

“We should get coffee scented candles for the dorm room. I would much prefer to smell that than our socks.” Merrill said sleepily, two glasses of wine had been enough to make her tipsy.

 

“Between my chef coats and your boots I’m surprised we even have a sense of smell left.”

 

Hawke and Merrill both had a bit too much and ended up passed out on the couch before midnight. They were awoken late the next morning to the smell of coffee and the sounds of giggling in the kitchen.

 

“Really have you never made eggs before?”

 

“Yes I have made eggs mister fancy pants. Just not the way you’re doing it.”

 

“You weren’t complaining about the way I was doing it last night.”

 

“Anders! Is there anyone you haven’t slept with?” Hawke yelled from the living room.

 

“You and Merrill and pretty much all of the freshmen class. They’re a bit too young for me at this point.” He yelled back from the kitchen.

 

Hawke groaned and buried her face into her pillow. She loved her friends truly she did. But there were times when she honestly wished she knew a little bit less about their sex lives.

 

“Really dear how long has it been?” Isabela asked walking in with two mugs for her and Merrill.

 

“I’m not answering that question.” she said taking a sip.

 

“You’re not a virgin are you?”

 

“No!”

 

“Good cause if you were I was going to make some phone calls to get that fixed right now. Or just have Anders fix it for you”

 

“Bela seriously?”

 

“No but still, honey you’re twenty years old. Now's the time to be having crazy sex while you still have the energy for it.”

 

“I’ll have you know I can count the number of men I have slept with one hand at least.”

 

“My my my, we are wanton aren’t we.”

 

“I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. It’s too early to talk about sex.”

 

“Sex is something that can and should be discussed regularly and openly, with friends preferably. Less so with therapists when you’re old and gray and sad because you didn’t get enough.” Anders said coming to join them.

 

“I smelled food, you guys made food right. Oh wow am I starving.” Hawke said escaping them and running to the dining room.

 

“Hawke honey, I’m sorry if I upset you. Its just fun I swear. We really don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Isabela said trying to calm her down.

 

“Hawke doesn’t like talking about it because then she has to remember her first time.” Merrill said following them into the dining room. Hawke shot her a glare but Merrill just shrugged in response.

 

“Was it that bad?” Anders asked a concerned look on his face.

 

“It wasn’t that is was bad. Ok fine, put some food on a plate for me and refill this coffee and I will tell you the story, since Merrill already sold me out.” Hawke slumped back into her chair. She hated telling this story. Merrill only knew because she and Hawke had gotten horrendously drunk on cheap wine after finals and Hawke broke down and ended up sharing the whole sordid tale with her. Isabela put a plate in front of her and the rest of them settled at the table and ate in silence until Hawke let out a heavy sigh and told her story.

 

“So you all know my father passed away when I was fifteen. It was rough, my mother was beyond depressed, the twins were scared and didn’t understand what was going on. I ended up failing my freshman year of high school. So my grandmother decided that the twins and I should all go to summer camp. She would take care of my mother, and we wouldn’t have to witness her grief firsthand when we were still dealing with it ourselves. I was so angry at my mother for letting us go. All we wanted was to be with her and she sent us away.” Hawke looked up to see all eyes on her and continued on.

 

“The twins did well at camp, the fresh air, arts and crafts; they were twelve so of course they enjoyed it. I was surly fifteen year old who was just discovering how much she loved black clothing and numetal music, why would I enjoy camp?” she took a few bites of egg and nibbled on the edge of a piece of bacon, her appetite waning as she remembered that year.

 

“There was another boy there who was seventeen. He was just as angry to be there as I was. Just months shy of being a legal adult and forced into summer camp by his foster family. We bonded over music and how much we hated being there. The counselors would try to get me to open up about my dad and I hated them for it. Leto, he didn’t, but yet I found myself telling him about it. He listened; he was so good at listening. Last night of camp; we snagged a tiny bottle of rum from one of the counselor’s bunks and got drunk. Everyone was so busy chaperoning the end of the year party they didn’t even realize we were gone. Nobody bothered much with us towards the end anyway. They figured we were a lost cause and didn’t really care what we were doing so long as we didn’t disturb the peace.” Hawke felt a small tear fall down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly.

 

“We kissed a lot, neither of us were very good at it, couldn’t figure out what to do with our tongues. Kissing turned to touching and in the end neither of us seemed to want to stop what happened next.” Isabela left the room and came back with a bottle of spiced rum and poured a generous shot into Hawke’s coffee mug. She gave her shoulder a squeeze before passing the bottle to the rest of them. Hawke took a big swig and felt the rum warm her insides.

 

“I gave him my address and he promised to write. Even kissed me goodbye. But that was the last time I ever saw him. I waited for months for a letter but it never came. I picked myself up though. Ended up with a boyfriend the beginning of sophomore year. I lied and told him I was a virgin when we slept together. Merrill and Bethany are the only ones who even know about Leto. I don’t let it hold me back from having relationships. I had a one night stand last semester during rush week and I didn’t get hung up on that guy.”

 

“I didn’t think you were repressed. The way you flirt I guess I just assumed you were as open about it as I am.” Isabela said.

 

“I like sex; I’m open to having more sex. But talking about it. It always ends up badly for me and I’m left wondering what happened to that boy. I’m also left wanting to punch him in the face for making me fall for him and then disappearing. You know I don’t even have a picture of him. I looked through the camp memories book they sent back with us. We avoided the cameras so much the only one I could find with him in it is his back, and its blurry because he was running away to avoid having his picture taken.”

 

“If you want you can always tell everyone your first time was with me. I mean it’s true enough since it was your first time with a girl.” Merrill interjected, eliciting a gasp from everyone at the table.

 

“The two of you?” Anders said in shock.

 

“Damn, you got into each others pants before I could?” Isabela snorted.

 

Hawke rolled her eyes and drank down the last of her coffee. It had been the same night she had broken down and told her story to Merrill. The combination of tears, cheap wine, and the thrill of passing all their classes left both of them quite adventurous. When they woke up the next morning they laughed more than anything else. While enjoyable Hawke hadn’t wanted anything more than friendship and Merrill did have a girlfriend back home. Thankfully a girlfriend who was more than aware that shit happens in college and had given a free pass should Merrill ever feel lonely.

 

“So feel better Birdie?” Anders use of her nickname brought a smile to her face. She actually did feel quite a bit better. Somehow getting it off her chest and sharing made her feel somewhat lighter. Five years was a long time to think about lost first loves. Now was a good a time as any to move on.

 

***

 

“Hawke do me a favor and try this new blend. My supplier has been raving about it but I don’t want to buy a large shipment if it wont sell.” Isabela handed her a mug. The coffee was lighter than she was used to and she detected a nutty scent to it. She took a small sip and let it roll around her mouth. Normally she detested coffee straight but there was a sweet undertone that she had not been expecting. As she was mulling over the flavors she glanced out the side windows and happened to spot a very tall very tan man passing by. She was admiring his hair, silver white pulled up into a bun with a shaved undercut, when sudden recognition flared through her. Leto?

 

Her heart dropped into her chest when she realized he was coming inside and she bolted behind the counter just barely managing to not drop her cup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing this. The characters just tell me what needs to happen next and honestly I haven't had this much fun writing in awhile. Thanks for the kudos and comments, they keep me going.


	3. Chapter 3

“Shit, damn it let me hide behind the counter.” Hawke pushed her way past Isabela and ducked down. Isabela stared at her with her hands on her hips.

 

“What are you doing? Hawke we’re friends but this is my business, you cant just pop behind there.”

 

“Please you have to let me hide.”

 

“Tell me why.”

 

“That guy with the white hair about to walk in. I know him and I do not want to see him.”

 

“Who Fenris?”

 

“Fenris?”

 

“Yeah Fenris, he worked here over the summer. Transferred over from Tevinter, he’s the one who rented my loft until the dorms opened up.”

 

“Oh god I am such an idiot. I’m losing my mind Isabela I swore he was someone else.”

Hawke stood up and was ready to make her way to her table when she came face to face with the guy who was not Leto. Their eyes met and for a moment she doubted what Isabela had said. She knew those eyes, yet they looked back at her with no recognition what so ever. She realized she was staring when he raised an eyebrow and gave a small cough.

 

“Sorry ummm, Bela the coffee is great just wanted to come back here and tell you that. Definitely order it; I’ll be sure to buy a cup once a week. Great talk, I’ll be going now.”

 

She watched as Fenris and Isabela made small talk. Everything about him screamed of recognition but the more she looked the more she saw the differences. Leto had been tan yes, but not that shade of bronze. Leto’s hair had been black but anyone could use hair dye to change that. When he handed Isabela his debit card she noticed white lines running down his hands ending at each fingertip. He had similar white vines running up the side of his neck and over his throat. When he turned she saw they even came up over his chin. He had caught her staring again and she managed a weak smile and an even weaker hand wave. He nodded and did not even give her a second glance as he walked out the door.

 

Isabela came over with a plate of cookies and Hawke took one and ate it in two bites.

 

“So just who did you think he was?”

 

“Remember when I told you about my first time. The boy at summer camp, Leto.”

 

“You thought he was Leto?”

 

“Besides the hair and the tattoos he bears a very striking resemblance.”

 

“Oh Hawke.”

 

“I know all right I know. Five years, five freaking years and I let myself see him in a random stranger. I never should have told you guys about him. It just put him back into my mind.”  


“Maybe this is a sign that it really is time to move on. You said so yourself that you’ve been in a dry spell. Perhaps this was your wake up call. You might have actually been letting the memory hold you back.”

 

“You might be right. There’s always Halloween right? There must be some drunken frat boy who wants a piece of this.”

 

“Only two weeks away, what are you planning to go as?”

 

“Not sure yet. Merrill isn’t even sure she wants to go to the party. Last year she dressed as a zombie and it bothered a few people.”

 

“What, why?”

 

“Merrill doesn’t do anything halfway. She spent all day on her makeup and it was impressive. She looked like she was missing an eye and the socket even dripped black blood. But quite a few people found it to be a bit too disturbing and the drunker people got the more frightening she looked. Someone finally asked her to leave and now she’s reluctant to even go out this year.”

 

“Here’s the card to my friend Xenon’s shop, it’s called the Black Emporium. He’s more of an odds and ends type of place but for Halloween he always brings in a huge selection of costumes. He also does rentals so you can return it afterwards. I know the two of you don’t have much closet space. I guarantee you’ll find something.”

 

“Perfect, can I get another cup of this to go?”

 

***

 

**Bethy** _3:45 pm_

Going through your closet to find old costumes, jsyk

 

**Hawke** _3:45 pm_

Thanks, I guess im in no position to stop you

 

**Bethy** _3:46 pm_

No you’re not, but I like being honest

 

**Hawke** _3:47pm_

My last conversation with mom says otherwise

 

**Bethy** _3:50pm_

It’s not lying if I don’t say anything

 

**Hawke** _3:51pm_

I guess you’ve never heard of lying by omission. What’s going on kiddo?

 

**Bethy** _3:55pm_

I just don’t know what I want to do after graduation. Mom keeps thinking this means I’m going to stay home, take a year off. But really I don’t know what I want to do because no one ever asked me before.

 

**Hawke** _3:57pm_

So sit down and ask yourself what makes you happy. Then see what sort of career you can make from that.

 

**Bethy** _3:59pm_

Is that what you did? Are you becoming a cook to be happy?

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _01pm_

Sometimes Idk anymore. But I wont say it makes me unhappy.

 

**Bethy** _4:03pm_

I miss you. Thanksgiving needs to come quick

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _04pm_

Miss you too lil sis. At least try to enjoy Halloween. No drinking though

 

**Bethy** _4:05pm_

Lol youre only saying that in case mom ever asks

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _06pm_

Damn straight

 

***

 

“Merrill where are you?” they had been roaming around the Black Emporium looking for costumes and somehow had managed to lose each other in the sprawling expanse of the shop. That wasn’t before being greeted happily at the door by the world’s fluffiest chow-chow. He had insisted on jumping up on them and delivering slobbery kisses.

 

“Sorry about Chauncey. He really is just a big teddy bear.” Xenon said coming from behind the counter. The man was incredibly tall and though he had some wrinkles around the eyes the rest of his skin seemed to be pulled taut against his face. He pulled Chauncey off of them and directed them to the back where he kept the Halloween merchandise.

 

“I’m over here I think I might have found something.” She heard Merrill call out. She followed the sound of her voice and had to stop herself from laughing at seeing what Merrill had pulled out.

 

“You’re going to be a bunny?” it was a full size rabbit costume and so fluffy Hawke was convinced Merrill would be lost in it.

 

“I don’t want what happened last year to repeat. No one gets scared of bunnies. They are fluffy and happy. I’ll even wiggle my nose for people.”

 

“Merrill your costume last year was.”

 

“Over done and too frightening I know.”

 

“No Merrill your costume was amazing. I had no idea you had that sort of talent. I just don’t want to see you wear something just to make everyone else happy.”

 

“If I was looking to make other people happy I would buy the one that is just a corset with a tail attached to it. I like this Hawke. I like bunnies, plus it will be nice and warm.”

 

“Very well then in that case I will be.” Hawke thought for a moment before the perfect match caught her eye.

 

“A magician! Maybe we can find a comically large hat for you to pop out of. We’ll be the talk of the night.” she laughed pulling out the somewhat scandalous female version of a magician.

 

“Why does every single costume for girls have to have no pants?”

 

“I guess they figure you’re looking to get out of them anyway.”

 

“Merrill!”

 

“Well it’s true.”

 

“That it is, but I am wearing my gym shorts with this.”

 

“The ones that are really tight and make your bottom look round?”

 

“Yes but at least they cover it, unlike this travesty.”

 

***

 

Anders 5:04pm

It’s Halloween???

 

Hawke 5:04pm

Uh yeah, the costumes most of the staff and students were wearing didn’t give that away?

 

Anders 5:05pm

I haven’t left my dorm room once today. Chef Orsino asked me to help with prep for the banquet and I didn’t get to bed til after 3.

 

Hawke 5:05pm

We’re going with Isabela to the party at the hanged man, do you want to join?

 

Anders 5:06pm

Yeah, just let me find something that resembles a costume.

 

Hawke 5:07pm

Just show up in your skivvies like last year, how many phone numbers did you get that night anyway?

 

Anders 5:08pm

I never repeat a costume birdie and I never kiss and tell.

 

Hawke 5:09pm

Yes you do, constantly

 

***

 

**V** _6:_ _09pm_

Hey beautiful Happy Halloween

 

**Bela** _6:_ _10pm_

Hey! When are you coming back? I miss you!

 

**V** _6:_ _10pm_

Next week, book tour is finally over then. Going out tonight?

 

**Bela** _6:_ _11pm_

Of course, its not Halloween unless im drunk @ hanged man

 

**V** _6:_ _12pm_

And what deliciously scandalous costume will you be wearing tonight?

 

**Bela** _6:13pm_

Argh matey, pirate queen Isabela is here to plunder your booty!

 

**V** _6:14pm_

Wish I could be there to see it.

 

**Bela** _6:15pm_

*image sent*

 

**V** _6:20pm_

Wow

 

**Bela** _6:21pm_

; )

 

***

 

“Ugh why did I cut my hair? What made me look in a mirror and say to myself this face needs less hair? I can’t do anything with it anymore.” Hawke lamented as she got ready for the night. She began to envy Merrill’s bunny costume. No need to do hair or makeup, just paint on a cute nose and some whiskers. She was interrupted by Merrill handing her a note. On the outside it said ‘To Hawke from Hawke’, she opened it up and read ‘you cut your hair after midterms freshman year because you couldn’t stand stuffing it up into a hairnet and chef toque. If you are complaining I suggest you go online and find the bookmark labeled ‘cute short hair tutorials’. If you are reading this note and it’s more than a year later than we need to do something about our memory.’

 

“I seriously wrote this? When the hell did I write this?”

 

“The first time we went out after you cut your hair and were crying because you didn’t know what to do with it and it was too hot to just shove a beanie on top.”

 

“It hasn’t been a year though so at least I’m not that lost. Wow I looked up a lot of tutorials.” She skimmed through the list and finally found one that seemed to work for the length she had. Her mother nearly had a heart attack when she came home that summer. Hawke had gone from having hair down to the middle of her back to a short pixie cut. The stylist had wanted to highlight her black hair with blue streaks but Hawke balked at the last minute. Believing full well her mother would possibly shave her head and make her wear a wig if she came home with blue streaks.

 

“Wow Hawke you look amazing. I love your hair like that.” Merrill said with a little clap. Hawke found herself giggling at the little white bunny doing a happy dance in their dorm room.

 

“Ok I have my hat, my gloves, and my wand. Did you seriously find a carrot purse?”

 

“Yes isn’t it adorable? I think I’ll keep using it too.”

 

“All right lets do this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you already know who V is.   
> Anyone want to venture a guess as to what everyone else is dressing as?


	4. Chapter 4

**Bethy** _9:35pm_

*image sent*

Carver actually did a costume with me!

 

**Hawke** _9:36pm_

Omg where did you find that? I thought I lost the wig that went with it.

 

**Bethy** _9:36pm_

Stuffed in the back of your closet under the box of all your old converse sneakers. Mom says she is throwing them away if you don’t take them with you when you come visit.

 

**Hawke** _9:37pm_

No not my chucks! You guys make a great pair, just don’t enact the scene from empire

 

**Bethy** _9:38pm_

You are so gross!!

 

**Hawke** _9:39pm_

*image sent*

Merrill is my bunny!

 

**Bethy** _9:40pm_

You guys are so cute and so tipsy from the looks of it.

 

**Hawke** _9:41pm_

The night is young! Have fun!

 

***

 

“I can’t believe you are wearing your old hockey uniform.” Hawke said as she and Anders danced.

 

“There was no time to go buy something and it was there in the back of my closet. Also none of my chef coats were clean.”

 

“You were going to come as a chef?”

 

“A zombie chef.”

 

“Why aren’t you a zombie hockey player then?”

 

“Didn’t want to get make up on my jersey.”

 

Hawke laughed as Anders took her for a spin and when the song ended they made their way over to Isabela and Merrill at the bar. Merrill was texting furiously and had a concerned look on her face.

“Hey you all right?” she asked.

 

“What? Oh, yeah I’m fine. Mahariel was supposed to come for Halloween. I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted it to be a surprise. But she can’t make it; Tamlen's car got a flat.”

 

“Oh kitten, come here and give me a hug. Actually shouldn’t I be calling you bunny?” Isabela said taking Merrill into a warm hug that seemed to cheer her up some. Hawke was about to ask if anyone wanted to split a pitcher of cider with her when the music suddenly stopped. A loud voice started booming over the speakers.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, announcing the return of the King of the Hanged Man, Varric Tethras!” a spotlight came on and everyone’s attention was turned towards the short man standing at the top of the stairs leading down to the bar. He was dressed in full pirate regalia and descended the stairs to the delight and applause of many of the party goers. Hawke thought she might go deaf at hearing the loud shrill that came out of Isabela. She went running to the man and threw herself at him. He caught her with finesse as she hooked her legs around him and planted a huge kiss on his face.

 

“You bastard! You said you weren’t coming back until next week!” she yelled as she disentangled herself from his arms and gave him a smack on the chest. He laughed and gave her a big hug ignoring all of her protests.

 

“Why do you think I asked you what your costume was? I wanted to surprise you; your pirate king has arrived.”

 

“This queen needs no king but I’ll let you be my fool for now.” Isabela said with a grin. Varric took a bow and Isabela introduced him to the rest of them.

 

“Wait a minute Varric Tethras? As in the author of the Hard in Hightown series?” Hawke asked feeling a bit star struck.

 

“The one and the same are you a fan?” he said taking her hand in his and placing a kiss onto her knuckles.

 

“Yes, very much so. Your characters are amazing; I love the depth you bring to them.”

 

“Always happy to meet a fan. Corff, a round on me for my lovely queen and her friends.”

 

***

 

**Mahariel** _10:57pm_

I’m really sorry we didn’t make it. Please don’t be mad at me.

 

**Merrill** _10:59pm_

I know, I just really wanted you to meet my friends and I miss you so much.

**Mahariel** _11:00pm_

I miss you too. Tamlen says hello btw. He misses you as well.

 

**Merrill** _11:_ _01pm_

Give him a hug for me and tell him to give you one from me as well

 

***

 

Hawke was thoroughly enjoying the music and found herself dancing more than drinking. She scanned the crowds and tried to see if maybe there was someone she might fancy a dance with, or even a kiss. She’d hooked up with her old high school boyfriend back over the summer, but it hadn’t exactly been thrilling. He was no better than he had been when they were young. She was about to head back to the bar to refill her drink when a very lively Superman crashed into her sending her flying backwards into someone else. She turned around and nearly yelped seeing the stormtrooper behind her. Their collision had knocked his drink to the ground.

 

“I’d say don’t shoot but you’d probably miss anyway right?” she said hoping to diffuse the situation. She was amazed at how good the costume looked. It wasn’t some cheap knock off from the store, it looked handmade. Her joke made him laugh or at least she hoped he was laughing. She gestured over to the bar and he followed.

 

“Let me buy you a new drink.” She waved away his protests and signaled the bartender. Surprisingly her stormtrooper friend could be heard through the mask. His voice though muffled sounded deep and gravely. He took the drink and she watched in amazement as he brought it to his face and the straw slipped into the mouth guard.

 

“Now that’s clever. You had to have made that yourself.”

 

He nodded and she pulled out her phone to show him the picture of her siblings dressed as Luke and Leia.

 

“Looks like there’s a theme going on tonight.”

 

“Never fails to stick to a classic.”

 

“I like a man who appreciates the finer things in life.” She said with a shy smile. She wished he would take the damn mask off already. They stood silently for a bit until her phone started buzzing. It was her sister calling and with a hasty apology she ran outside to take the call.

 

“Bethy what is it what’s wrong?” she said preparing for the worst.

 

“It’s not Bethy is Carver. I snagged her phone to call you and tell you that I loves you.”

 

“Carver what the hell? How drunk are you, where’s Bethany whose driving?”

She heard muffled yells and her sister’s voice yelling out some choice obscenities before the line went dead. She immediately redialed and breathed a sigh of relief hearing Bethany answer.

 

“I am so sorry Marian; I don’t even know how he got my phone from me.”

 

“How drunk is he?”

 

“Peaches parents are out of town and she threw a huge party. Our idiot brother decided to do keg stands. I have no idea why he called you. Oh great he’s throwing up in the bushes now.”

 

Hawke laughed and felt much better. Peaches lived just blocks away the twins could easily walk home. She looked around to make sure no one was watching and slipped a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket. She had picked up the habit her first semester but quit before going home for the summer. She had so far managed to not start again but still liked to have them when she was out for drinks.

 

“Just so you know you interrupted me flirting with a very nice looking stormtrooper.”

 

“How could you tell?”

 

“He had a really nice voice.” She said as she struggled to get her lighter to work, but each flick gave her only sparks. She was ready to just give up when a gloved hand appeared and lit it for her. She looked up to see the very same stormtrooper standing there with flame in hand. She lit her cigarette and gave him a smile.

 

“Bethy I’ve got to go. Take care of Carver all right.” She hung up without hearing her sisters reply.

 

“So do you have some secret hole for smoking cigarettes too or am I going to finally get a peek under that helmet.”

 

He chuckled and lifted the helmet up over his face. The white lines on his chin gave him away immediately and Hawke felt her stomach drop. No not him. She took a hard drag on her cigarette and tried her best to look more at ease than she felt.

 

“The straw trick was a fluke; I messed up drilling the mouth guard in place. But it worked out in the end. Don’t like getting smoke inside the helmet though. Messes it up.” He lit his cigarette and she couldn’t help but notice the fine sheen of sweat across his head. The outside lights actually made him glisten. This wasn’t fair, no one should look this good and yet look like who he did.

 

“Do I know you?” he asked tilting his head quizzically.

 

“I was the awkward one at Sirens Call a few weeks ago. I’m friends with Isabela, came here with her actually.”

 

“Ah yes the coffee tester. I tried it, very nice.”

 

“Yeah it’s a good blend.”

 

“You like coffee then I guess.”

 

“You could say I have a bit of an addiction yes.”

 

“Everyone has their vices.” He said gesturing to the cigarette in his hand.

 

“Oh this, I only do this when I drink now, you know I just. I’m sorry I have to go.” She quickly put out her cigarette rushed inside. She found Merrill at the bar looking despondent and she grabbed her by the shoulder.

 

“Want to get out of here?”

 

“Yes please.”

 

“Great let’s go. I’ll call us a cab.” She pulled Merrill along and sidestepped Fenris as he was coming back inside. He yelled something to her but she didn’t bother listening. All the memories came rushing back again. When they finally reached their dorm she barely made it out of the car before she started puking in the bushes. Merrill helped carry her back to their room and cleaned her up before tucking her into bed.

 

***

 

**Isabela** _12:35am_

Where did u go?

 

**Isabela** _1:_ _01am_

Is everything all right?

 

**Isabela** _2:15am_

Plz txt me when u wake up

 

***

 

**Hawke** _12:45pm_

Sorry I had to go things got awkward

 

**Isabela** _1:55pm_

Couldn’t have been that awkward. Fenris asked bout u

 

**Hawke** _1:56pm_

What?

 

**Isabela** _1:57pm_

Said u were having a nice talk and u just ran away. Wanted 2 know if he did something wrong.

 

**Hawke** _1:58pm_

No it was me being an idiot. Did he ask anything else?

 

**Isabela** _2:00pm_

Your name and if you went to the college

 

**Hawke** _2:_ _01pm_

What did you tell him?

 

**Isabela** _2:_ _02pm_

The truth

 

**Hawke** _2:_ _03pm_

Thanks I guess

 

**Isabela** _2:_ _04pm_

Do u think maybe talking 2 him will get u over whatever it is that u’ve got in ur head about him?

 

**Hawke** _2:_ _10pm_

Maybe

 

***

 

Merrill had left a note saying she was studying in the library. So Hawke gathered up her shower supplies and headed for the bathrooms. A nice long hot shower was what she needed to clear her head. She let the water run over her for a good five minutes before finally lathering up. She thought about what Isabela had said that she was letting her own head get the better of her. Here was a perfectly nice guy who obviously had enjoyed talking to her, and she was letting the ghost of a stranger ruin that. She promised herself the next time she saw him she’d bury Leto and let herself get to know Fenris.

 

“Shit!” she said loudly when she realized that she had brought everything with her but her robe. Her pajamas reeked of the booze she had sweat out over night and she gagged at the thought of putting them back on. It was a Sunday though and chances were there wouldn’t be anyone to see her as she made a mad dash back to her room.

 

She opened the door to the bathroom and began to make her way down the hall when she heard a voice behind her.

 

“Hawke?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who?
> 
> Also damn right there's Star Wars in this AU, I couldn't ignore an opportunity like that.


	5. Chapter 5

She knew who it was even before she turned around. Somehow that voice had stayed in her head and she turned around slowly. He stood there in black jeans and a grey sweater and she thought for a moment that she could die right there and then no one would question it. Her tombstone would read ‘Here Lies Marian Hawke, she died of awkwardness’.

"It is you. Isabela said you went here. I didn't know we were in the same dorm." Fenris said smiling at her. She felt her knees weaken seeing that smile.

"Small world right. Sorry about last night. I was just in a weird place. You didn't do anything wrong." She held fast to the knot that held her towel in place by her armpit and hoped she didn’t need to adjust it.

"Isabela told you then?" he said, seemingly oblivious to her half nakedness.

"Yeah."

"I just hoped I hadn't said something wrong. I do that sometimes. Say things that sound right in my head but when they come out someone's pissed off."

"Oh wow no, nothing like that at all." Her shower caddy was getting heavy and she was trying to think of someway to make this conversation go by faster.

"I was just about to head down to the dining hall. Would you like to join me?" He said the last part rather quietly.

"You'll have to speak up I'm wearing a towel." She said with a sardonic smile, finally drawing his attention to her current predicament.

"Oh right yeah." He stammered as his eyes looked down and then back up quickly as he realized just what he was looking at. The tips of his ears turned pink as a faint blush crept across his cheeks.

"Let me get dressed and I'll meet you there all right? Ten minutes ok?"

"Ten? Uh yeah sure totally." He tripped over his words and walked away the blush on his face spreading to the back of his neck.

***  
**Hawke** _4:34pm_  
So we live in the same dorm apparently.

**Isabela** _4:35pm_  
Really? Ran in2 him then?

**Hawke** _4:35pm_  
Yeah he was coming down the hall when I was leaving the shower

**Isabela** _4:36pm_  
*long whistle* u go girl!

**Hawke** _4:37pm_ _  
_ No nothing like that! He did ask me to join him for dinner

**Isabela** _4:38pm_  
Like a d8?

**Hakwe** _4:39pm_  
No it's not a date. Its two people both eating in the dining hall....together.

**Isabela** _4:40pm_  
Yeah ok, that's a d8. A tame 1, but it's a d8

**Hawke** _4:41pm_  
Are you capable of texting in full words?

**Isabela** _4:42pm_  
Nope!

***

"Swipe it one more time please." Hawke asked the exasperated cashier.

"I've done it five times and each time it says no funds. It's going to say the same thing when I swipe it a sixth time." The woman said with a glare. “You’ll need to go to the office tomorrow and add funds.”

“I have funds; I have had funds since the beginning of the semester. This is the second time your systems have failed to recognize that.” She said with her hands on her hips.

“Listen just swipe my card twice and we’ll be out of your hair.” Fenris interjected pulling out his card.

“That’s against policy so no.”

“Seriously? When did it become against policy? My roommate and I have shared swipes all the time when on of us forgot their card.” Hawke said rather loudly.

“It’s against policy when I’m here.” The woman said with a seething smile.

“Oh you.” she was cut off by Fenris putting a hand on her arm. She looked at him and he gave her a smile and pulled her out of the dining hall before she could really lose her temper. They stood in the hallway and she took a few breaths.

“I must be making a wonderful impression on you.” she said sheepishly.

“She was a bitch, but unfortunately she’s a bitch who can control when you eat. Might not want to make an enemy of her so early in the year.”

“So what now?”

“Have you ever been to Lowtown Diner?”

“Can’t say that I have, lead the way.”

***

“Oh warmth how I love warmth.” Hawke said when they stepped inside the diner, rubbing her hands together and lamenting that she didn’t keep a set of gloves in her purse.

“At the beginning of the walk you said how much you loved the fall weather.” Fenris chuckled as he signaled a waitress and grabbed two menus. He led her to a booth in the back of the place.

“I do, when I have the proper garments. A twenty minute walk can feel like a mountain hike when all you are wearing is a hoodie.”

“True enough. We can take split a cab back if you’d like. The busses don’t run as often on Sundays and I would hate to keep you in the cold.”

“That’s actually a very good idea.” She said opening her menu and perusing the contents. A few things stood out and she contemplated indulging in breakfast for dinner.

“Hey Fen, haven’t seen you in awhile.” A blonde woman came over to their table; her name tag read ‘Elegant’.

“Hello Elle, been busy with classes. Usually just end up scraping by with what I can get from the dining hall.”

“That will not do at all. I’ll make sure my husband cooks up something that will keep the meat on those skinny bones of yours. Who’s your friend?”

“Elle, this is Hawke. Hawke this is the woman who made sure I didn’t starve over the summer.”

“Fen was the best bus boy we ever had. My tables have never been clean since you left”

Fenris blushed and let her give his cheek a pinch. He ordered them two coffees and set his menu down. Hawke had to smile seeing the way he reacted to such a simple sign of affection.

“So you worked two jobs over the summer?”

“Three actually. I was a barista at Siren's Call in the mornings and bus boy here at night. I also did some part time work at this little book shop down the street. The lady who owns it is getting on in years and needed help with stocking the shelves. I still go there when I have time and help out. Though she did manage to find a kid who comes in on the weekends.”

“That’s a lot of time to be working. When did you sleep?”

“I slept when I could. I did it mostly so that I wouldn’t have to once the semester started. Wanted to be able to focus all my attention on class work and not need to worry about everything else. My dorm and food are paid in full and I still have enough saved that I can occasionally treat myself.”

“Wow that’s just really awesome you know. I worked over the summer too back home. But my education was taken care of by my grandparents years ago.”

“Where is back home?”

“Ferelden, have you been there?”

“Briefly when I was younger. Spent most of my life in Tevinter and Seheron. Problem kid spent a bit of time in the system. I traveled for a few years and took some correspondence classes while I tried to figure out what I wanted to do. Transferred my credits to FMU and here I am.”

“What’s your major?”

“Literature and I’m getting a minor in education. I want to teach, some of the best people in my life were my teachers and I want to do the same for someone else.”

“That’s really wow; you’re a bit complex aren’t you?”

He stammered for a moment and there was that blush again. He brushed his hair out of his face and she noticed an interesting scar on his forehead but glanced away before he could notice her staring.

“I’m in culinary.” She said breaking him out of his nervousness. “My dad was a chef and he taught me just about everything I know. So when it was time for me to pick a career the answer was pretty easy. Tried to go to Antiva, but my mom didn’t like the idea of me being so far away. So that’s how I ended up here.”

“Antiva? I can’t picture someone who enjoys the cold faring very well with the weather there.”

She laughed and swirled her spoon around her cup.

“They have one of the best culinary schools though. I was willing to deal with the weather for that. But I don’t regret coming here. I’ve met quite a few people that I never would have if I didn’t. Especially my roommate. You might have seen her last night, the fluffy white bunny?”

“I do remember seeing a bunny last night; she has some interesting dance moves.”

“Yeah that’s Merrill. I adore her.”

Elle came by and asked if they were ready. Before Hawke could speak Fenris put up a hand.

“Are you against breakfast for dinner?” he asked.

“Not in the slightest.” She said with a laugh.

“Good, Elle the Sunday breakfast special. He knows how I like it. Spicy all right for you?”

She nodded and Elle refilled their cups before giving them a smile and walking away to take care of the group that came in.

“So I’ve got to ask, just how far do those tattoos go?”

“Pretty far.”

“How long did that take? It must have been so expensive.”

“The artist was a friend of mine. I sort of became a project in the end. But I was able to get it done over the course of two years. Some of them took a bit longer, the hands really. Needed to do those separately otherwise I wouldn’t be of much use to myself while they healed. Do you have any?”

“I have a mother who nearly fainted when I cut my hair. I couldn’t kill her by getting a tattoo.”

They didn’t talk much once their food came and Hawke was quite pleased with what Fenris picked for them. The peppers gave just enough heat to warm her throat but not burn her entire mouth. Elle kept their coffees filled and the hours kept ticking by as they talked.

“This might sound like a really strange question and I will probably hit myself for saying it. Is this a date? She regretted asking it immediately when his eyes widened and he looked down at the table. No blush this time just awkward silence.

“Oh jeez I, just forget I said anything all right. Just rewind and pretend I never made such a stupid assumption.” She said her hands flailing as she wished she could just make herself disappear.

“No it’s not that. Please stop moving your hands like that it looks like you’re trying to get out of a spider web.” He waited for her to stop and laugh at herself for a moment before he continued. “I’m not really in any position to be pursuing something like that with anyone. Not that you aren’t someone I wouldn’t mind pursuing you’re quite lovely really and I am making this worse.”

“Clearly.” She said folding her arms.

“Ok now it’s my time to start over. I am not really looking to date at all. I did the casual thing for awhile and it’s really not my thing. My main focus in life right now is getting my degree and it wouldn’t be fair of me to be in a relationship because I couldn’t give all of myself to it.”

“That’s actually very admirable of you. I suppose I would say I feel the same way. Isabela might freak if she heard me say this but I think if I tried casual I’d just end up falling in love when the guy ends up being a really good kisser.”

“I guess you just have to make sure to never kiss someone you think you could fall in love with.”

“That easy huh? So what’s with all this then? I mean you asked Isabela about me and were so intent on asking me to hang out you didn’t realize I was only wearing a towel.”

He laughed at that and gave her a half grin.

“You spilled my drink, yet you laughed it off with a star wars joke and I thought ‘that’s someone I could be friends with’. I remembered you from Sirens Call, so I asked Isabela about you because I don’t know many people here. When you ran away last night I thought I had done or said something that bothered you and honestly I still don’t know how I didn’t realize you were in a towel earlier. So what I am trying to say is I would really like to be friends with you Hawke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me tell you how enjoyable it is to write modern Fenris. I love the broody bastard but to put him in this time frame and give him a chance to get his shit together on his own is refreshing. Hope you enjoyed. Btw I tend to pepper this fic with geek references and othe pop culture. I wonder if anyone found the one i put in this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Isabela 7:15am  
U asked her out to be ur friend? Do u realize how silly that sounds?

Fenris 7:16am  
Not everyone has your sparkling personality to lure people in, oh wait no I’m sorry I meant cleavage. Not everyone has your cleavage

Isabela 7:18am  
Should have tattooed sum boobs on ur chest then

Fenris 7:19am  
Is this you being helpful again because its not working

Isabela 7:20am  
Give it time

***

“Hawke, your technique is great. But you’re thinking too hard. Here angle the tip and then lift.”

Baking had never been something she had done before and when she saw it as a required class for her degree she had been less than enthusiastic about it. Bakers and chefs were two different worlds, both worthy of praise, but very different. Yet she had excelled in every class. Her level one and two classes had been her highest grades both first and second semester. Now that she had learned to bake breads and pies it was time to learn the finer arts of pastry. 

She found a simple joy in blending a meringue. Making flowers out of frosting. Melting down sugar into a creamy caramel. The stress of the hot kitchen always left her feeling adrenaline surged and ready to take on the world. Baking gave her a sense of calm that she didn’t even know existed. Even when she messed up she didn’t feel the harsh criticisms of her other professors. Chef Arianni was probably her favorite professor just for her demeanor alone.

“Have you ever considered baking and pastry as your specialization? You really have an eye for the details.” She asked her at the end of class. They would be expected to pick a direction at the end of the spring. Her last two years of classes would be primarily in the focus she chose. 

“I hadn’t considered it really. My dad was a chef and I just always thought I would do what he did.”

“Wait a minute, Malcolm Hawke?”

“Yes, did you know him?”  
“We graduated high school together. I remember your mother, oh my goodness the scandal at her graduation. I’m sure you heard the story of him proposing as she walked off the platform. Diploma in hand and she’s all smiles and there’s your father on one knee. Not a dry eye in the place I can tell you that.”

Leandra Amell was five months pregnant when she graduated high school. Her parents were beyond furious with her. Especially when they found out who the father was. The son of the local butcher was not good enough for their daughter. So her parents eloped, ran away to Ferelden where her father worked his way from prep cook to head chef. 

“I had no idea Malcolm even had an interest in cooking. How are he and your mother?” 

“He passed away five years ago. But mom is fine; she’s living in Ferelden with my twin brother and sister.”

“Oh I’m so sorry. When you talk to her again tell her I said hello all right.”

***

Fenris loved walking. One of the reasons he chose FMU was the fact that everything he would ever need was in walking distance. If he could walk somewhere he always took the option. Even if it meant getting up early rather than catch a bus. Walking gave him a chance to think on his own, he would find a play list on his ipod and let the music guide his mind.

When he moved to Kirkwall at the beginning of the summer he spent his first few days walking around the city. While having the added benefit of allowing him to find what places were hiring it also afforded him the opportunity to discover the beauty that the city could offer him. He had found a park just minutes from campus, a man made lake sat in the middle with a long path running around it. Sometimes he would bring a book and sit underneath one of the many willow trees that dotted along the waterline. He was meandering along the path when he saw a familiar face under his favorite tree.

He recognized the look on her face, having worn it himself many times. Sadness was never an easy emotion to hide. He considered going over to her but decided against the idea. They had spoken a few times since their ‘not date’ at the diner after Halloween. She didn’t seem like the sort who would wish to air her troubles to strangers, even ones she had decided to befriend.

He kept walking along and would glance across the lake occasionally to see if she was still there. When he reached the end of the path and could see her sitting there he decided perhaps it would not be such a bad idea to reach out. That is what friends did isn’t it? 

 

***

Hawke sat under her favorite tree in Viscounts Park. She had found it within weeks of starting school. The city was very different from her hometown of Lothering. Trees were on every street and she would see so many of the same faces every day. Kirkwall had buildings instead of trees. The faces she saw every day were strangers to her. Yet even here she felt the ghost of her father. She knew her parents had grown up here. But did not think she was likely to meet anyone who knew them. Her father’s parents had moved to Lothering just years after their son. They wanted to be close to their granddaughter. 

Grandpa Hawke had passed away when she was only three. She did not even remember his face. Nana Hawke died just two years after her father, days after her seventeenth birthday. She had given Hawke her car as a present, the same car that brought her and all she could fit into it to Kirkwall. She loved that old thing. 

The music blasting in her ears blocked out the outside world. So she was quite surprised to see a tattooed hand appear in front of her face holding a cup of steaming coffee. She turned and was met with the face of Fenris, smiling at her, his hair tucked up under a black beanie. She smiled and pulled out her ear buds.

“Are you stalking me?” she said taking the cup from him.

“Not at all, but I saw you there and a coffee cart came by. I remember you mentioning a love for it so I thought why not. It’s not quite as good as Isabela's but it should suffice.”

“How did you know I take it light and sweet?” she said after taking a sip.

He blushed and coughed a little. “I noticed at the diner.”

She put a hand under her chin and narrowed her eyes at him. He avoided looking at her and gazed out at the lake, his eyes following a flock of geese landing in the water.

“What are you listening to?” he asked finally breaking the silence.

“Linkin Park.”

“An excellent choice, early albums?”

“Yeah, not so into their newer stuff. Not enough angst you know?”

“You are a fan of angst?”

“I was for all intents and purposes a goth for quite a few years; I think I am required to like angst.”

He laughed loudly and sat down next to her. She offered him her other ear bud and they sat and listened for awhile as they drank their coffee. 

“Did you have class today?”

“Yeah, intermediate bake shop. The teacher is trying to get me to switch to the baking program next year. Says I have the skills and the hands for it.”

“What do you want to do?” he said with actual interest.

“You know I thought I knew when I came here. I was going to get a degree and become a chef like my father. But now.” She paused for a moment and sighed. He did not push instead offered her a hand to stand up.

“Walk with me.” he said helping her up.

“Where are we going?”

“No where in particular. I find that just walking can answer questions you didn’t know you had, and make some questions seem like they don’t need answers.”

***

Merrill 1:35pm  
Lunch? I’m starving

Hawke 1:36pm  
Sure, I’m with Fenris you can finally meet him

Merrill 1:37  
Great!

***

“So they go all over your entire body?” Merrill barely touched her food and had spent most of the meal asking Fenris a multitude of questions.

“For the most part yes.” He says with a bemused smile.

“That must have hurt so much I can’t even begin to imagine. How did you stand it? Do you like pain? I know some people enjoy pain. Oh my goodness that was too forward a question wasn’t it.” Merrill said blushing and scooping a bite of salad into her mouth.

“It is a question I have been asked before I assure you. Once you regulate your breathing it’s actually quite relaxing. All you hear is the gun buzzing and it becomes cathartic. Until of course the needle hits bone and then you do all you can to not jump because it’s permanent and you’d rather not have a squiggle.”

Hawke shuddered and Fenris gave her a wink. 

“So what major are you in Merrill?”

“Oh, environmental science, my main focus is ecology though. I want to help preserve the world. We don’t do enough to appreciate it really and oh dear I’m going to start rambling and you might get glassy eyed perhaps I should just leave it there.” She said with a nervous stammer. Fenris cocked his head and gave it a shake.

“There is no shame in being passionate. That’s why we’re here right? Tell me.” he said.

“Well have you ever heard of the Dalish?”

“They’re the nature conservation group right? They find natural preserves and live on the outskirts to protect them.”

“That is the simplest explanation yes. There are quite a few Dalish groups spread throughout and they do what they can to protect the area they live in. but to me that’s not enough really. The Dalish don’t do anything to go beyond where they are. I mean it’s all well and good to provide sustainability to an area, what about the rest of the world? So I am probably one of the first Dalish to ever leave home and attend university. I want to do more, I want to go throughout the world and find places that need saving.” Merrill too a deep breath at the end of her ramble and blushed again. “I tend to go on without anyone to stop me. I once tried to explain the different classes I take to Hawke and I think I may have given her a seizure. She also gets a headache whenever she looks at my notes.”

“Let’s not forget the dumbfounded expression on your face when you read through my sauce notebook.” Hawke said with a laugh.

“I just don’t understand the concept of mother sauces. You have seven sauces and yet you can make more from just those. How can there only be seven main sauces?”

“Hello ladies, how are we this fine afternoon.” Anders interrupted them and took a seat next to Hawke. He put a protective arm over her shoulder and flashed Merrill a bright smile.

“Hello Anders, are you actually out of the kitchens for once?” Hawke asked.

“Some of us are more dedicated to their studies.”

“Some of us like to actually eat food and have a life outside of the kitchen.”

“You don’t need a life birdie; you have me and the kitchen which is calling to you now even as we speak. Orsino asked about some extra hands for the winter banquet and I suggested you. He doesn’t normally take second year volunteers but is willing to make an exception based on my shining description of you.”

“Wow, that’s, damn wow. Thank you so much I don’t know what to say.”

“You could let me take you to dinner for once.” Anders said with a wicked grin.

Hawke was confused at first; Anders had never shown an interest in her before. But then she finally realized what he was doing. He had seen his girls talking to an unknown male and like a great big eagle he had swooped in to see if they needed protecting. She’d smack herself if it didn’t mean drawing attention to the situation. Fenris didn’t seem to be affected however; he had a slight grin on his face.

“Anders have you met Fenris yet? He lives in our dorm.” Merrill asked coming to the rescue.

“Can’t say that I have. Hello Fenris, I’m Anders, and I’m in the culinary program with Hawke.” Anders said extending out a hand. It took all Hawke had not to beat him senseless.

“Hello, I think I’ve seen you in my modern literature class. You’re always late and the professor complains about your shoes smelling like dish water.” He said giving Anders a firm handshake in return. Anders laughed and bid them a farewell.

Hawke pulled out her phone once he was away and texted furiously while Fenris asked Merrill more questions about living with the Dalish.

Hawke 2:46pm  
I hate you so much right now!

Anders 2:46pm  
You should have seen the look on your face!

Hawke 2:48pm  
Why do you do this to me? this is worse than that time you actually pretended to be my big brother. 

Anders 2:49pm  
If I scared him away then you shouldn’t be thinking of dating him

Hawke 2:50pm  
Omg that is not even a thought!!

Anders 2:51pm  
Too bad, I like him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say that modern Fenris and Anders are a joy to write. I really like the idea of them being those two friends who will bicker about everything. Yet either one would happily throw down to defend the other.


	7. Chapter 7

When Hawke opened the door to her room she knew something was wrong. The shades were drawn and Muse was playing softly. Merrill was lying on the bed, a slew of half opened mail strewn about her. In her hands was a card and she was crying softly. 

“Merrill, honey what’s wrong?” she knelt down next to her and took the card that was handed to her. A young couple was posed in front of a very large tree, their hands were clasped and the girl had a small diamond ring on her finger. The caption read ‘Tamlen and Mahariel are to be wed. Invitation to follow.’ 

“They’re getting married.” Merrill said sobbing into her pillow. Hawke had known about Merrill’s girlfriend back home. It was a complicated relationship to say the least and it seemed it had grown even more complicated.

“I don’t understand. It was always me and her. Tamlen was just someone we fooled around with. She never did anything with him unless I was there. She told me she would wait for me, that she wasn’t mad about me leaving. That it was good I was getting a university education instead of going to community college. She texted me earlier this week, said she missed me and she couldn’t wait to see me over break. That she had wonderful news for me. How could she think that I would find this to be wonderful?” 

Hawke said nothing and climbed into bed next to her. She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close kissing the back of her head.

“I can’t go home. I can’t see them; I’m just going to stay here for break. I was never a fan of thanksgiving back home anyway. The elders were always getting drunk and fighting over stupid things.”

“Nonsense, you’re coming with me. You’re going to be treated to a Hawke thanksgiving. There’s nothing else like it in this world. Mother will be so happy to have another mouth to feed.”

“I don’t know Hawke. I’ve never met your family before and I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Its going to bother me more thinking you here all alone.”

“Thank you Hawke, you really are my best friend you know that right?”

“Of course, and you’re mine.”

***

Hawke and Merrill headed to Sirens Call for an afternoon pick me up. None of the professors seemed all that interested in holding classes that week and they found themselves with plenty of free time. They walked in to find Anders and Fenris seated at a corner booth, in the middle of what seemed like a very heated debate. Hawke and Merrill stood by the counter and watched them.

“You have got to be joking. In what way is warrior better than mage?” said Anders his arms folded.

“For starters better HP, they can take hit after hit. Mages fall too quickly, once they are surrounded its over.” Fenris said leaning forward.

“Early on perhaps but with the right buffs they can take damage. Plus the equipment always gets better later in the game. Half the time you only need one warrior in the party, but you need two mages.”

“That’s because one is always a healer. You’re better off using a mage for healing and bring two warriors with you, one to tank and one to dps. Mages are useless in combat and why would anyone want to play as a healer?”

“What’s wrong with being a healer? Warriors wouldn’t make it without them. You’d run out of health potions before the final fight.”

“If you build the stats right a warrior can take on more than any mage ever could. There is no way to stat a mage out for combat and still be able to do the damage a warrior does.”

They noticed the girls come over to their table and moved over to make room. Merrill sat down next to Anders and Hawke scooted in by Fenris. 

“Hawke back me up. Mages or warriors, what’s the better way to play?”

“Pfft, rogue all the way. Double daggers with stealth, they never knew what hit em.”

Fenris chuckled while Anders shook his head. 

“What are we arguing about?” Merrill asked her eyes still a little blood shot.

“Wyvern Wars kitten and I’m here to be the tie breaker. Double dagger rogue all the way.” Isabela said giving Hawke a high five. She slid in next to Hawke forcing her up against Fenris. He lifted his arm and rested it across the top of the booth, his fingertips resting on Hawke's shoulder.

“What is everyone up to tonight?” Isabela asked her hand reaching out to Merrill’s. Gently stroking her fingers. 

“We have to be up tomorrow to make the drive down to Lothering.” Hawke said.

“So how about we all get together for pizza and cards tonight at my place. Varric will be coming by too. Nice casual night.”

“You up for it Merrill?” asked Hawke, she didn’t want to push Merrill into socializing if she wasn’t feeling up to it.

“I let her ruin my Halloween, I’m not going to let her ruin the rest of my social life.” Merrill said defiantly.

“I feel like I missed something here.” Fenris said looking to the rest of them for clarification.

“Its called having a love life Fenris. Perhaps someday you’ll have one.” Said Isabela with a smirk.

“I hope the same for you Isabela.”

“Touché,”

***

Mahariel 7:35pm  
Imp guessing you got the announcement

Mahariel 7:40pm  
I should have told you I know, I wanted to

Mahariel 7:45pm  
Please message me back, we need to talk about this

Mahariel 7:50pm  
Are you out with your “friends” again? This is part of the reason things between us didn’t work out.

Mahariel 7:52pm  
Damn it Merrill you cant keep ignoring me

Mahariel 8:00pm  
please, I love you please call me

***

Fenris stepped outside to smoke a cigarette and Hawke joined him.

“I thought you didn’t smoke?” he asked when she asked for one.

“I still like to have one when I drink. That’s going to be the real habit to break.” She said as he cupped his hands and lit it for her. She took a long pull and exhaled the smoke through her nose. 

“I have tried to cut back myself. Doing all right compared to how much I used to smoke.”

“How much was that?”

“At my worst? Up to two packs a day when I was nineteen. Quit when I was twenty for about a year. Started smoking socially again at twenty one. When I moved here I started up again.”

“How old are you anyway?”

“Turned twenty three the day before Halloween.”

“Happy belated birthday.”

“Thank you, what about you?”

“Twenty turning twenty one in March.”

“Ah yes the milestone. You’ll be here then for your birthday”

“Yup, Merrill is a week or so before me, so it is going to be quite the party. Maybe if you’re lucky we’ll still be keeping you around and you can join.”

“You’ve let Anders stick around I’m sure I’ll be more than welcome.”

They stepped back inside just in time to hear Isabela suggest they turn the game from wicked grace to strip poker.

“I second that idea. I am very curious to see just how far those things go.” Anders said cocking a head towards Fenris.

“You assume you’ll win.” He replied filling his wine glass and resuming his seat at the table.

“I think that might very well be mine and Merrill’s cue to leave. We’ve got to be up early tomorrow anyway.” Hawke said grabbing her bag. 

“One moment, kitten I have got quite idea for you. Now I’ve heard that phone of your buzzing in your bag all night.” Isabela said putting her arm around Merrill, who looked at her with sad eyes.

“Grab your phone, don’t read the texts. They’re not worth your time right now.” Merrill went and grabbed her phone and handed it to Isabela.

“All right now Anders I need you to sweep up Merrill like you’re carrying her over the threshold. Hawke stand by her head and plant a big ol kiss on top of it. Fenris put one of her feet up on your shoulders there you go.”

“Hold on there Bela, you need to get into this shot somehow.” Varric said taking the phone from her.

Isabela ran over and threw her arm around Hawke’s neck and placed a hand over her breast. 

“Hey!” Hawke yelled.

“Shut up.” Isabela said winking.

“All right everyone smile!” the phone camera flashed and Anders set Merrill down gently. They gathered round the little screen to admire the masterpiece.

“Oh my I want to get this framed. This is so lovely thank you.” Merrill said gushing.

“You know what you need to do now right?” said Isabela. She tapped the message icon and hit send. Merrill looked at her with wide eyes and gasped.

“That’s what she gets for breaking your heart kitten. A reminder that you have plenty of people to look out for you.”

“Thank you so much.” Merrill said and this time the tears were more happy than sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really agonized over publishing this so I hope you like it. I'm in such a funk right now and nothing I have written looks good enough to me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Bethy** _7:30am_

Please tell me you’re on your way. I miss you

 

**Hawke** _7:31am_

Just got on the ferry. We’ll be in Ferelden in an hour and then 4 more hours til we get to Lothering

 

**Bethy** _7:32am_

:D mom wants to know if there’s anything special Merrill might want to have

 

**Hawke** _7:33am_

I’ll ask her, just remind mom that Merrill is a pescatarian

 

***

 Hawke was walking along the side of the ferry feeling the wind blow against her face. She loved the feeling of the ocean as it bobbed the ship. Merrill had chosen to remain in the car and take a nap; she didn’t take too well to being out on open water. Hawke was musing about sea birds when she heard her mothers ring tone playing from her purse. She dug through the overly large bag and began to berate herself for stuffing too many things in there. She found her phone underneath the pack of cigarettes left over from Halloween. She thought she had thrown those out.

 

“Hi mom.” She said already feeling the urge to have one.

 

“Hello sweetie. Bethy says you’re on the ferry.”

 

“Yup should be in Lothering shortly before one.”

 

“That’s wonderful, what’s a pescatarian?”

 

“Merrill doesn’t eat meat mom.

 

“But I’m not making meat I’m making a turkey.”

 

“Turkey is meat mom, Merrill only eats fish.”

 

“Only fish? How does she get any nutrients does she take vitamins?”

 

“No mom, ok Merrill is a vegetarian who still eats fish. Does that make more sense?” she pulled out the pack of cigarettes and popped one in her mouth. Just one, she only needed one. She dug through her purse again in search of a lighter and let out a silent cry of joy when she found it.

 

“Your voice sounds strange is something wrong?” her mother’s voice took on that tone that said she knew exactly what her daughter was doing. Hawke pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and did her best to sound innocent.

“Nope just popped in a breath mint is all. I’m gonna let you go though all right. Merrill’s asleep in the car and I don’t want to leave her alone.”

 

“All right see you soon darling.”

 

Ok, so maybe the thought of seeing her mother stressed her out just a little bit more than she let on. She might also be in denial about quitting smoking. She had them on occasion when she saw other students light up in between classes. It was hard not to smoke in the culinary program. If art students could be recognized by the paint on their hands, culinary students could be recognized by the cigarettes in theirs. Anders might very well be one of the few who didn’t. He still maintained his diet and exercise from his hockey days and would be damned if he was going to change that part of himself. She considered texting him to see how the game had gone the night before when her phone buzzed.

 

**Merrill** _8:00am_

*image sent* caught you!!

 

She looked down at her phone to see a picture of herself cigarette in hand. Merrill stood a few feet away her arms folded and looking like a disapproving matron. Hawke blushed and shrugged her shoulders.

 

“You lied to me Hawke.” She said as she approached. “I don’t care that you’re doing it, I’m not going to be the one to tell you how to live your life. But you lied to me. You said you quit.”

 

“I did, sort of. These are leftover from Halloween. And I just realized you didn’t know that I had bought them for Halloween.” Hawke said with a slump to her shoulders. Merrill took the cigarette from her hand and took a drag, coughing and sputtering almost immediately.

 

“Merrill what the hell!” Hawke said taking it back and giving her a pat on the back.

 

“I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. No thank you that was more than enough to last me until I’m old and gray.”

 

“I’m sorry I lied. I get really antsy about seeing my mother. She just tends to lay it on thick and aside from chewing my nails until they bleed this is really the only other coping mechanism I have found.”

 

“I understand. Just don’t lie to me about it anymore. I promise not to sell you out.” She said giving Hawke a hug. They stood at the railing together watching the waves crash against the side of the boat. A fog horn signaled letting them know they would be docking soon and they headed back to Hawke’s car.

 

“Are you ready for a fun drive?” Hawke asked buckling her seatbelt.

 

“Yes, very much so. Oh I forgot hand me your audio cable.” She said plugging it into her ipod. “I was up late making a road trip play list. I stalked your music library and checked the travel times. We now have four hours of an equal sharing of mine and your music. I call it the Merrilian Travel Tunes play list.

 

“You stalked my music library? How did you know my password?”

 

“You told it to me once, I heart dragons.”

 

“When?”

 

“You were drunk and said the only way you could fall sleep was to listen to the soothing sounds of Enigma.”

 

“That does sound like me.”

 

***

 

**Fenris** _10:35am_

Hows the drive?

 

**Hawke** _10:45am_

Its fine. We just made a stop for gas. Merrill is buying us snack food. We’ve been having an out of tune sing along.

 

**Fenris** _10:46am_

Sounds like fun

 

**Hawke** _10:47am_

How did the game go?

 

**Fenris** _10:48am_

Isabela hasn’t sent you the pictures yet?

 

**Hawke** _10:49am_

She took pictures?

 

**Fenris** _10:50am_

And video

 

**Hawke** _10:51am_

She really does look out for all of us doesn’t she?

 

**Fenris** _10:52am_

Indeed, drive safe

 

 

**Hawke** _10:53am_

Will do

 

***

**Hawke** _10:55am_

I do hope you plan to send me these pictures

 

**Isabela** _11:15am_

Oh I will, trust me

 

**Hawke** _12:30pm_

You’re waiting until you know I’m with my family aren’t you?

 

***

 

She pulled into the driveway of her childhood home and smiled. Bethany sat on the porch with a steaming cup of coffee, still in her pajamas. Dozer, her half ton mabari, sat obediently next to her. His mile a minute tail the only indication of his excitement. He would wait to be called but once he was his namesake became quite obvious.

 

“Oh dear he’s quite big isn’t he?” Merrill said with a hint of apprehension in her voice.

 

“Don’t worry, he’s a good boy and he wont jump up unless he knows you.” she stepped out of the car and made a show of walking to the middle of the front path. She smiled and nodded to her sister and saw her mother standing in the doorway. She knelt down and Dozers ears perked up, his tail making a loud whapping noise on the wooden planks of the porch.

 

“Come here boy!” she said and Dozer came barreling down the steps and launched himself at her. Plastering her face in wet kisses and knocking the very breath out of her. Merrill stood by the car giggling.

 

“That’s a good boy, did you miss me? Did you miss me you big old baby.” Dozer rolled around on the ground presenting his belly and begging for rubs as if he hadn’t gotten any since she had left. “You big faker I know they love you when I’m away. Come say hello Merrill.” Merrill walked over hesitantly and Dozer immediately sat up, his ears perked forward, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Merrill put out a hand and he sniffed it his tail wagging again. He snuffed and gave her hand a full lick and presented a paw for shaking.

 

“Very nice to meet you Dozer.” Having been introduced Dozer made his way inside the house. Hawke was blindsided by bear hug from her sister and felt the wind knocked out of her again.

 

“I missed you so much.” She said half in tears. Hawke pulled her in tight and felt a few tears of her own escape. Bethany was more than just a sister; she was her best friend, her first secret keeper, and her closest confidant. She pulled away and introduced her to Merrill. Bethany pulled her in for the famous Hawke hug and Merrill looked overwhelmed at first but soon had a smile on her face as well.

 

Leandra Hawke stood at the top of the porch stairs and pulled her eldest into a warm embrace. She ran a hand over the back of Hawke’s head, a familiar gesture from her childhood. She pulled back and looked into her eyes, the small lines around hers crinkling.

 

“Hi mom.” Hawke said all the worries fading away, this was her mother and she loved her.

 

“You’re still wearing your hair short I see.” This was her mother and she was going to lose her mind before it was even time for dinner.

 

She introduced her mother to Merrill and they stepped inside the house. Hawke carried hers and Merrill bags up to her old room in the attic. Passing by her brother’s room she could hear some horrible manner of music blaring and she decided to wait to say hello.

 

“This room is so big! I wish I could have had a room like this.” Merrill exclaimed staring at the open space. Leandra had renovated the third floor attic and turned it into a bedroom as a sixteenth birthday present. Windows on three sides let sunlight in illuminating the periwinkle colored walls. Band posters, teen heart throbs, and all manner of strange art were pinned up. Instead of a closet a large shelving until was attached to the far wall with a vanity underneath. It was a teenage girl’s room and even at twenty Hawke loved it dearly.

 

“I’m still jealous of this room sometimes.” Bethany said flopping down on the bed. She rolled onto her stomach and rested her chin on her hands, her feet up in the air. She looked just like a younger version of Hawke, except the eyes. Both Carver and Bethany had inherited their mother’s warm brown eyes; she had inherited the ice blue ones of her father.

 

“I don’t blame you it is a lovely room. Where did you get all the artwork, its beautiful?” Merrill said admiring some of the paintings.

 

“That would be yours truly. Marian always liked to hang my art up in here. Said it made the room avant garde, I still think you pulled that term out of your ass.” Said Bethany.

 

“So what if I did? This reminds me, I need to go through your new work. My dorm room walls are lacking a certain Bethy flair.”

 

“Oh I agree we need more of this. Can I look too?” Merrill asked.

 

“Of course.” Bethany said with a slight blush.

 

“Girls I hope you’re not planning to spend the entire day in here. Marian look at this jacket.” Leandra said holding up Hawke’s old denim. The elbows were frayed and the collar was practically threadbare.

 

“I don’t see a problem.”

 

“Its falling apart, really how do you even stay warm in this?”

 

“I wear a hoodie underneath.”

 

“This is unacceptable I cannot possibly send you back with this to keep you warm. We’re going shopping. Bethany get dressed and tell your brother to come out of his room and say hello to his sister.” Leandra said as she left the room. Hawke and her sister exchanged looks and shrugged their shoulders.

 

“I guess this means we’ll probably be having lunch at Dane’s Dinette.” Bethany said as she went down the stairs. Minutes later Carver came shambling up looking quite disinterested.

 

“Hey sis.” He said gloomily.

 

“Hey sis? You don’t see me for three months and that’s all I get? Come give me a hug you big oaf.” She walked towards her brother and received a rather lack luster hug. Carver had the unfortunate luck of being the only boy in a house full of women. At times it left him rather sullen. Then there were times he took on his mantle of being man of the house with pride. Today was obviously not one of those days. He muttered a hello to Merrill and left the room. Hawke could hear her mother arguing with him in the hallway.

 

“What do you mean you’re staying home? Your sister is home from college and has brought a friend and you’re going to just stay home?”

 

“Mom, Peaches and I have a big project due next week and she’s coming over so we can work on it. I’m gonna spend the day with everyone tomorrow. Besides why would I want to go shopping? That’s a girl’s thing.”

 

“I’ll have you know Carver Hawke that your father took me shopping quite a bit. So don’t give me that whole it’s a girl’s thing nastiness. But fine since you’re staying home to do school work I’ll give you a pass. But tomorrow is family time and I will confiscate your cell, games, and computer if I see you spending more time on them than with your sister.”

 

“Fine.” He groaned and disappeared into his room having enough sense to not slam the door.

 

“Welcome home huh?” Hawke said with a laugh as Merrill came and hugged her from behind.

 

“Its wonderful, thank you for bringing me.”


	9. Chapter 9

Hawke had worried that a shopping trip was likely to turn ugly. Shopping with her mother was never the fun occasion the movies made mother daughter bonding out to be. Hawke liked black, red, blue, and purple. Those were her colors that was the look she wanted. Leandra wished to see her daughter in happier colors, pale yellows and bright pinks. Thus shopping always ended with Hawke doing the obligatory dress up in whatever monstrosity her mother insisted she try on. Followed by the argument of why she would never wear it even if her mother paid for it. This then always resulted in intense bargaining on Hawke’s part to agree to purchase of said monstrosity, if only to have just a few things she wanted herself.

 

So she was pleasantly surprised when the first jacket her mother found for her was a simple black pea coat. No frills, no happy colors, no adorable kitten buttons. Just a simple wool pea coat in a deep black.

 

“This is actually perfect mom. But it’s more of a winter coat you know. But I do like it.”

 

“That’s fine; we’ll just have to find you a fall jacket. Maybe a nice blazer.” Hawke bit back a groan; this is where it would begin. The arguments would start. She envied Merrill and Bethany; they had run off together as soon as they got to the mall. Bethany no doubt giving Merrill fair warning of what a Hawke shopping trip could end up like. She felt the familiar urge for a cigarette and cursed herself for even having one that morning.

 

“Here we go.” Leandra said and Hawke turned around fearing the worst. Instead she was in awe of what she saw. It was a deep blue denim jacket; the inside was lined with a light fleece and had an attached black hood. Her mother had essentially handed her an updated version of what she had been accomplishing with two very old very beat up jackets.

 

“Mom wow.” Hawke said. She felt a surge of something unfamiliar and she realized it was acceptance. Her mother was finally just accepting her in all her awkward glory. She gave her a hug and they headed over to the check out counter. They were just about to approach when her mother turned to the right and started heading towards another section.

 

“Let’s see about finding you something nice to wear. You must have grown out of most of your nicer clothes at this point.” Hawke didn’t even bother to silence her frustration just followed her mother obediently.

 

***

**Bethy** _2:30pm_

Where are you?

 

**Hawke** _2:31pm_

I was hijacked, ambushed, taken for a sucker!

 

**Bethy** _2:32pm_

She has you trying on dresses doesn’t she?

**Hawke** _2:33pm_

Send reinforcements!

 

***

 

They left the shopping center with two new jackets and a dress. It had been a grueling experience but Hawke was an adult and knew how to approach things in an adult manner now. The adult manner being loud moaning and groaning until her mother finally threw her hands in the air and let her daughter pick a dress that could be worn to nice family gatherings, but was still within the style she wanted. Where the only bit of a lace was around the bottom hem and it was black thank you very much.

 

They had a late lunch at Dante’s Dinette. Merrill and Bethany had spent most of the day browsing through accessories and were showing off their new bracelets. Hawk felt a bit of jealousy until Bethany handed her a set of her own. Black and silver bangles, a set of eight. All three of them spent the rest of the afternoon purposely peppering their conversations with hang gestures to make them jingle.

 

***

 

**Isabela** _3:15pm_

Hows the fam?

 

**Hawke** _3:16pm_

They’re good, sending the pictures now I guess?

 

**Isabela** _3:16pm_

U know me so well *image sent*

 

**Hawke** _3:17pm_

What the hell they’re still wearing clothes!

 

**Isabela** _3:18pm_

No socks

 

**Hawke** _3:19pm_

Omg his feet are tattooed too!

 

***

 

Isabela sent a few more pictures. Each one featured both and Anders and Varric progressively losing more clothing while Fenris had only lost his socks, beanie, and scarf. Anders face got progressively more and more sullen with each one. The last image had Varric laughing as Anders sat in only his pants while Fenris smugly held his cards up for the camera to see, a full house.

 

They pulled into the driveway and hauled their shopping bags inside the house. Hawke could hear music coming out of Carvers room. She doubted he even knew they were home with the volume he had it at.

 

“Marian go tell your brother to turn that down and that Peaches is either going to need to go home or call her mother and say she’s staying for dinner.” Leandra said already settling into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Hawke went up the steps and opened her brother’s door.

 

“Carver mom says….oh my god what the fuck?!” she yelled.

 

She had walked in on her brother screwing his girlfriend. Her yelling alerted the entire house and mayhem ensued. Dozer came barreling in to find out what the trouble was. Carver was yelling at her to shut the door while Peaches scrambled to find her clothing.

 

“Marian what in the world. Carver!” Leandra said as she looked to see what the fuss was. Carver blushed a furious shade of scarlet and buried his face in his hands.

 

“I just realized that if I died now the last thing I ever saw was my brother’s ass!” Hawke yelled slumped against the wall.

 

“Will you all just get out!” Carver screamed as Peaches went running out of the room. Only one shoe on and the other in her hand.

 

Hawke went downstairs grabbing her purse on the way she went out the back door. Passing by Merrill and Bethany as they sat at the table each with a cup of tea in hand.

 

“I just saw Carver’s ass.” Hawke said walking out the back door. She made her way to the shed in the back and stepped behind it. She popped a cigarette in her mouth and slumped into the patio chair that had been left behind from the summer. Moments later her mother came around the corner and she sighed.

 

“Hand them over.” Hawke handed her the pack while keeping her eyes downcast. “And the lighter.” Leandra took both and lit one for herself, dragging a chair from out of the shed and sitting next to her. Hawke gave her a look.

 

“I just witnessed the girl who used to sell me Girl Scout cookies do the walk of shame out of my sons room. The same girl whose mother I have to see next week in book club. Do not give me that look.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _05pm_

RED ALERT!! I just walked in on my brother screwing his girlfriend. I need pictures of half clothed men I’m not related to!!

 

**Isabela** _4:_ _06pm_

*8 images sent*

 

**Isabela** _4:_ _07pm_

*video sent*

 

**Isabela** _4:_ _08pm_

*image sent*

 

**Isabela** _4:_ _09pm_

The last one is special : )

 

***

 

The four women sat around the dining room table looking through the pictures Isabela had sent them. Hawke had forwarded them to her laptop they could see them better. They were currently looking at a picture that showed that Varric had managed to only be stripped down to his pants. Poor Anders was in his boxers.

 

“Are those hello kitty?” Bethany asked looking closer at the picture. Indeed Anders was wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers dotted with hello kitty.

"Oh he's handsome isn't he?" Leandra said looking over Hawke’s shoulder.

"Don't ever let Anders hear you compliment him. He lives for that sort of thing." Hawke said smiling.

"I wasn't talking about Anders. I've seen him in your pictures before. I was talking about the one next to him with the tattoos."

"That's Fenris. He's new to the group."

"Are you seeing him?"

"It's nothing like that mom. We're just friends."

"Well I guess I can understand. All that ink might be a bit off putting."

"Are you kidding me? It's one of the first things you notice about him and they work so well on him. I don't see how. Oh very funny mom, but the answer is still no. I'm not looking for anything like that and neither is he."

"If you say so darling." Her mother said with a knowing smile.

"What are you looking at?" Her brother said walking by and taking a look. "Why is that guy in his underwear?"

"At least he has clothes on!" Leandra said cuffing him in the back of the head. Carver muttered something about women and skulked back to his bedroom.

“All right lets see what the hell this video is.” Hawke pressed play. Anders, Varric and Fenris were at the table. Fenris was still wearing his pants and sweater. Varric was lounging happily in his trousers sipping on a glass of whiskey silently chuckling.

“All right the video is on.” Isabela's voice came ringing through.

“As you can see Fenris here has gotten me and Varric beaten pretty hard. I however through my sheer brilliance.”

“And a heavy amount of bluffing.” Fenris interjected.

“Shut up it was my brilliance. I have finally beaten Fenris and as such wish to have the glory of my victory recorded. Off with the shirt!” Anders said leaning back in his chair looking triumphant. Fenris looked to the camera and shook his head.

“Do it slow, I want to savor this.” Isabela said in a husky voice.

“When did I become everyone’s eye candy?” Fenris asked.

“It’s the tattoos. We all want to see just many you’ve got.” Varric replied.

Fenris slowly lifted his sweater off and Hawke could tell she wasn’t the only one holding her breath. Even her mother seemed to be enthralled. However they all let out a collective groan when they realized Fenris was still wearing a tank top underneath.

“What the hell.” Anders cried out. “How many clothes are you wearing?” the video cut off there and there was a great deal of laughter.

“Look at his arms though. Those tattoos look so amazing.” Bethany said with a sigh as they looked at the next picture. Varric was down to his boxers and sadly Fenris didn’t lose anything else. Fenris’s tattoos were indeed amazing Hawke thought. She had seen the ones coming up his neck and the lines that trailed down each finger. They came together at his wrists and did a vine pattern all the way to his shoulders. She saw that the tattoo on his neck was just another piece of a design that appeared to spread to his chest.

“Well I know what we need to do now.” Merrill said.

“What’s that?”

“Invite him to go swimming this summer.”

“There’s one more picture Marian.” Bethany said and Hawke clicked the forward button. They were treated to a rather flattering picture of Isabela…..topless.

 

“Oh my those are quite perky aren’t they?” Leandra said. Bethany put a hand over her mouth and began giggling uncontrollably. Hawke blushed a deep shade of crimson and tried desperately to close out the image.

 

“What are you looking at now?” Carver said coming back into the room.

 

“Nothing!” all four of them said in unison.

 

***

 

**Hawke** _8:55pm_

Nice show for the camera ; )

 

**Fenris** _11:47pm_

Haha, thanks. Sorry for the late response. Elle offered me a shift and I can always use the money

 

**Hawke** _11:48pm_

Totally understandable, I still cant get over the look on Anders face

 

**Fenris** _11:51pm_

Don’t tell him this but if he had just asked nicely I probably would have let him see the rest of my ink. On my chest that is : )

 

**Hawke** _11:52pm_

Is that all it takes? Merrill thinks we should invite you to go swimming this summer.

 

**Fenris** _11:53pm_

Just her?

 

**Hawke** _11:55pm_

I wont deny I am a bit curious

 

**Fenris** _11:56pm_

*image sent*

 

She clicked open the attachment and was treated to a picture of Fenris; a shy smile on his face, his hair was down and she could see the swirling ink as it trailed down to the middle of his stomach. Bethany stirred next to her and she could hear Merrill murmuring in her sleep on the cot at the foot of her bed. She clicked save and made it his contact picture.

 

**Hawke** _12:00am_

Wow, and it just keeps going?

 

**Fenris** _12:_ _01am_

For the most part yes. Still think you want one?

 

**Hawke** _12:_ _02am_

Someday maybe. Im gonna go to bed. Lots of cooking to do in the morning. Night

 

**Fenris** _12:_ _03am_

Night


	10. Chapter 10

**Hawke** _12:39pm_

My mother says your breasts are lovely btw. She envies their perkiness.

 

**Isabela** _1:00pm_

What??!!! You showed her the picture???

 

**Hawke** _1:_ _01pm_

Not intentionally, but you were right it certainly was special

 

**Isabela** _1:_ _03pm_

Congrats, I think I may be embarrassed for the first time in a long time

 

**Hawke** _1:_ _04pm_

I know you’re texting in full words its amazing!

 

**Isabela** _1:_ _05pm_

FU!!

 

***

 

The Hawke siblings shared one thing in common. They had their father’s appetite. Which is how all three of them ended up passed out on the couch shortly after dinner. Leandra sighed and turned the volume down on the TV, Merrill helped her gather up a few quilts to lay them over her sleeping children.

 

“Every year they do this. Stuff themselves to bursting and then fall asleep on the couch. Their father was the same way.”

 

“I’m not used to seeing such a large spread of food. Thanksgiving back home was a bit more modest.”

 

“I’ll be packing up a bit of this for you two to take home. Was the salmon cooked the way you like it? I admit I had never heard of what was the word pescatarian?”

 

“The salmon was perfect thank you. I was pretty much raised that way. My mum was very health conscious, and so was Marethari.”

 

“Marethari is your?”

 

“I guess you could say she was my grandmother. My parents died in an accident when I was ten. Their parents had already passed and there wasn’t any other family for me to live with. Marethari was a friend of my mothers and she took me in. she was the one who told me to go to university, said I had the brain and the drive for it. She was my biggest supporter.”

 

“Was, she passed as well?”

 

“Earlier this year. I had no idea she was even sick. She kept it a secret from me. I guess she thought I would try to come home and be with her and she didn’t want me to turn from my path. Mahariel was the only reason I even went back home this summer, and now. Now there’s no reason for me to go back at all. Not now that she has chosen someone else.” Merrill sighed wistfully.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Leandra asked and Merrill sighed. She thought for a moment and then decided now was a good a time as any to air out her feelings.

 

“Mahariel was my girlfriend; we grew up together and started dating in high school. We had another friend Tamlen and he was, well it’s complicated.”

 

“I see.”

 

“When I left Mahariel told me she would wait. That she knew just how much this meant to me and that she would be there waiting for me when I came home. A few days ago I got a card in the mail announcing her and Tamlen’s engagement. Now I wonder just how much she told me was the truth and how much was just lies to protect my feelings. If she didn’t want to be with me she should have just told me. I would have been hurt, but I would have moved on. Its not like I couldn’t have found someone else, I’m not exactly lacking in admirers. I’m sorry I just get ahead of myself and I ramble and I really shouldn’t be saying those sorts of things to my friend’s mother.”

 

“Merrill I was pregnant with Marian at my high school graduation. I’m no stranger to these things.”

 

“Its still so strange to hear her being called Marian.”

 

“Where did this habit of her going by Hawke come from?”

 

“I’m not sure, probably has mostly to do with the fact that the chefs only call them by their last name. Anders is the same way, though I still don’t know his first name, I don’t think anyone does. He started calling her Hawke all the time, well that and Birdie, and Isabela and I just started to do the same. Now she just introduces herself as Hawke since that’s what she’s used to.”

 

“You know I spent a great deal of time deciding on a name for her. It’s a shame she doesn’t use it.”

 

“I guess none of take the time to appreciate the fact that someone took out a great deal of time to decide a name for us.”

 

Leandra made tea and they sat there for some time. Merrill talked about her studies and what she hoped to do once she graduated. Leandra shared stories of what Marian had been like as a child.

 

“Barely five years old and there she was trying to make cookies on her own. She had all the ingredients down for the most part. She was always meant to be in the kitchen. Her father was so proud, kept smiling like a big fool even while he cleaned up the mess.”

 

“You must miss your husband very much.”

 

“Every single day. The children tease me about staying single and becoming an old spinster. But I don’t really see the point in getting back out there. I had the love of my life, no one else would ever compare and that wouldn't be fair to anyone else. To have them know they would always be in the shadow of another.”

 

“He was your first love, that’s so romantic though. Hawke told me the story. I thought that was Mahariel and I. first love until the end.”

 

“Tell me Merrill, will it make things better for you if you did go talk to her? To Mahariel that is.”

 

“I keep thinking I should, I could easily take the train one weekend. But chances are I will find some project or paper that absolutely needs working on. Or Hawke will talk about binge watching some show and I’ll just go along with it.”

 

“I could take you on Saturday.” Hawke said walking into the dining room. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping but I woke up and heard the story of my baking escapade being told and needed to make sure she hadn’t been revealing anymore of my embarrassing stories.”

 

“I couldn’t make you cut your time with your family short. That wouldn’t be right.”

 

“Just saw a weather alert, storm front rolling in Saturday evening. We would need to head back anyway to avoid being stuck. Ferelden is notorious for early snowfall.”

 

“If that’s not a sign I don’t know what is.” Leandra said and Merrill looked between the two of them. Hawke may not have realized it but in that moment Merrill saw the similarities. The angle of the jaw, the tilt to the head, and the willingness to do just about anything for a friend. She smiled and nodded and was treated to a hug from both of the Hawke women.

 

***

 

Friday was a flurry of activity. Hawke and Carver spent the morning hauling all the Christmas boxes up from the basement. The trusty eight foot tree that had been in their family since before the twins were born was carefully assembled. Bethany and Merrill kept busy in the living room organizing the decorations and untangling lights while Carver and Hawke set about lighting the outside of the house.

 

“You get into the spirit early.” Merrill said as she carefully untangled a string from the large mass in her lap.

 

“We used to wait until the first week of December. But last year Marian wouldn’t have been here and mom decided that the day after Thanksgiving would be the new tradition. It will probably continue once Carver and I head off to college too.”

 

The house was soon filled with the smells of cookies and mulled wine. Hawke and Carver came inside with rosy cheeks and smiles’ announcing the house was ready. Leandra handed everyone cups of hot wine and they stepped outside, Bethany did the countdown and Hawke flipped the switch. The house was alight with an assortment of icicles, candy canes, and blinking strings of color. They all let out a collective cheer and stepped back inside to warm up and get to decorating the tree.

 

“This is Marian’s baby ornament from her first Christmas.” Leandra said holding up a tiny pink sock. Her name was carefully embroidered on it and Marian took it to hang on the tree. Every single ornament told a story. First Christmas as a big sister. The year she loved ballerinas. The year her and the twins became obsessed with super heroes.

 

“Merrill you mentioned that you probably won’t be returning to Sundermount. Where do you plan to go for the holidays?” Leandra asked.

 

“I can still stay in the dorms over the winter. Will just need to fill out the paperwork. “

 

“I meant where will you be going for Christmas?”

 

“Oh I hadn’t really thought about that. I suppose well.”

 

“Merrill my mother is in her own way asking if you’d like to spend it with us.” Said Bethany with a smile.

 

“I don’t know what to say. You’ve all been so kind and I’ve only just met you. And I’m going to cry I swear I’m going to cry and it’s going to be so embarrassing.”

 

Hawke pulled Merrill into a hug and Bethany joined her. Carver stood to the side shaking his head but joined in with a bit of encouragement from his sisters.

 

***

**Isabela** _5:47pm_

When R u guys heading back?

 

**Hawke** _5:48pm_

Tomorrow morning, taking a side trip on the way home

 

Isabela _5:49pm_

Where?

**Hawke** _5:50pm_

Sundermount

 

**Isabela** _5:51pm_

Good, give that bitch a piece of all our minds

 

**Hawke** _5:52pm_

I don’t think Merrill would like that very much

 

**Isabela** _5:53pm_

Well I would, C u Monday morning then?

 

***

 

Leandra did her best to hold back her tears as she said goodbye to her daughter. It was always hard to watch her go. Bethany didn’t bother holding back and had spent a good part of the morning going through tissue after tissue.

 

“I hate it when you’re gone.” She said sniffling.

 

“I know kiddo, but I’ll be back for Christmas. It’s less than a month away.”

 

“But you’re not staying. It’s going to be my first new years without you.”

 

Hawke hugged her sister tight. The winter banquet was being held four days after Christmas. It was big deal to be part of the team and she would need the work credits for her degree. That would mean coming back and missing new years with her family.

 

“Next year I promise all right. We will spend next new years together. Even if it means having to drive to whatever college you’ve gone off to.”

 

Bethany nodded and gave her one last hug. Carver helped carry their bags to the car and tried to give her a handshake.

 

“Come on you big idiot. It wasn’t the first time I ever saw your butt. I just hope it will be the last.” She said with a laugh and hugged him even as he tried to fight her off. She gave Dozer a good bout of belly scratches and turned to face her mother.

 

“Thank you for talking to Merrill mom. It really meant a lot to her.”

 

“Of course, a mother can always tell when there’s a hurt that needs healing. Drive safe all right? No texting and driving. Watch the road and don’t pick up any hitchhikers. No matter how attractive they might look.”

 

“So does that mean I can pick up the ugly ones?” Leandra shook her head and embraced her. She and the twins stood in the driveway and waved to them as they headed down the road.

 

“So are you ready for this?” Hawke asked Merrill as they exited the ferry back into the Free Marches. It was only a two hour drive from there to Sundermount. Two hours for Merrill to try and change her mind and Hawke to pretend to believe her.

 

“I have to do this. I’ll never feel right if I don’t.”

 

“I’m here for you. No matter what.”

 

“Thank you Hawke, for everything really. I don’t know what I would do without you”

 

“I’m sure your first roommate would have been just as awesome as me. If not for her penchant for accidentally setting fires.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The absolutely wonderful cj-draws of tumblr drew up a picture of Fenris's selfie from chapter 9.   
> http://cj-draws.tumblr.com/post/134647869625/a-quick-sketch-of-fenris-from-chapter-9-of-you


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

**Fenris** _3:45pm_

I never want to read another poem again.

 

**Hawke** _4:00pm_

I never want to do another wine reduction. Sadly I think we’re both stuck having to repeat these things again throughout our lives.

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _05pm_

This is sadly true. However I can always decide to never teach poetry.

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _06pm_

I could remove wine reductions from my life but that might mean removing wine from my life and then I would probably never see you again

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _07pm_

I drink other things besides wine

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _08pm_

Prove it, next time we go out order a beer

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _09pm_

What did I ever do to deserve such punishment from you?

 

***

 

Hawke and Merrill were in their dorm studying quietly. Though neither of them could truly assist the other, they enjoyed the quiet togetherness and would often take a five minute breather to talk about anything but what they were reading.

 

“Just two more finals and I am free.” Hawke said stretching out her arms. She had a persistent ache building between her shoulder blades. No amount of stretching could seem to loosen it and she hoped desperately that it would clear up soon. Merrill yawned and rolled her neck, the bones making tiny little popping sounds as she did.

 

“Ugh that is just a little bit creepy you know that.” Hawke said shuddering. Merrill turned to her and scoffed.

 

“Have you ever heard the sickening crunch sound that happens whenever you roll your wrists?”

 

Hawke gave her a half smile and held up both hands and gave them a roll. True enough her wrists made distinct popping sounds as she shifted them. Twenty years old and already her body was turning on her.

 

“Could always end up like Anders and make clacking noises in our knees.”

 

“Don’t talk about that. First time he ever showed me his scars I nearly fainted.”

 

Hawke’s phone buzzed next to her and she checked her messages.

 

**Fenris** _5:35pm_

Still studying?

 

**Hawke** _5:36pm_

Yup, probably going to call it an early night too. Morning class.

 

**Fenris** _5:37pm_

You are going to leave me alone for the night with Anders?

 

**Hawke** _5:38pm_

It’s just the two of you? Where’s Isabela?

 

**Fenris** _5:39pm_

A date apparently. So it’s just Anders and I at the bar. I ordered a beer, it was disgusting.

 

**Hawke** _5:40pm_

Poor baby, tell Anders I said hello

 

**Fenris** _5:41pm_

I would but he’s too busy watching the game. What is the big deal about hockey?

 

**Hawke** _5:42pm_

Don’t let Anders here you say that. He’s crazy for hockey.

 

**Hawke** _5:50pm_

Omg you told him didn’t you.

 

**Fenris** _6:00pm_

I am apparently attending a game in 2 days, Idk how this happened.

 

Hawke laughed and Merrill looked up at her.

 

“Fenris told Anders he’s not interested in hockey.”

 

“Oh well it was nice knowing him. It’s a shame he won’t be coming around anymore.” She said still looking at her book. Anders was notorious for going off at length about the virtues of hockey. He could lecture for hours about the rules, positions, importance of the players roles, anything. More than once people did their best to run away once he got started. Poor Fenris, he had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

 

***

**Hawke** _10:30pm_

How was the game?

 

**Fenris** _10:50pm_

I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

 

**Hawke** _10:51pm_

Oh no, we’ve got another fan now

 

**Fenris** _10:52pm_

I wouldn’t go that far, but it was not an entirely horrible experience

 

**Hawke** _10:54pm_

Do you have anymore finals?

 

**Fenris** _10:55pm_

Just one on Friday. I’m prepared though so I have a day to relax. You?

 

**Hawke** _10:56pm_

All finished studying for my Friday final. So I have the rest of the evening to myself. Merrill’s off with a study group so it’s just me. I think I might watch Princess Bride, I deserve a treat.

 

**Fenris** _10:57pm_

I’ve never seen it.

 

**Hawke** _10:58pm_

My dorm room now or I will come up there and haul you down myself.

 

**Fenris** _10:59pm_

I don’t even know what room you’re in

 

**Hawke** _11:00pm_

D2, get down here now! I’m making popcorn bring wine.

 

***

 

She heard the knock on her door just as the microwave dinged. She opened it and he stood on the other side in grey sweat pants and a black tank top. His hair was pulled in a ponytail and he had a bottle of wine in his hand.

 

“Hey we sort of match.” She said and gestured to herself, black sweats with a grey tee shirt. He laughed and followed her into the room. She and Merrill had organized the furniture to allow a full split to the room. Their beds were pushed against the walls with their side tables and desks in between. The TV sat in the center of the room, perfect visibility from both beds. A small kitchen area was set up with a mini fridge and a microwave on top. A wire cart held their dishes and various ready to heat foods. She handed him two cups and a corkscrew and he poured out a glass for each of them.

 

“I have to laugh at your dorm number. Mine is R2. Seems we had a connection even before Halloween.” He said as he sat down in her computer chair. She dumped the popcorn into a large bowl and sat at the head of her bed, her pillow propped up on the wall behind her.

 

“I sense a disturbance in the force.” She said with a giggle. Turning out the lights save the small lamp on her desk she pressed play on the remote.

 

“I still can’t believe you have never seen this movie. It is a classic. Prepare to be amazed.” She said leaning back against the pillows. The bowl sat between them and they sat in silence watching the movie. Not even a quarter of the way through she shifted and could feel the strain between her shoulders getting worse. He noticed and hit pause on the remote.

 

“You all right?” he asked. She had been moving quite a bit through the movie and he could see she was out of sorts.

 

“Just this horrible pain between my shoulder blades and it feels like its spreading to my neck.”

 

“Would you care for a back rub? I’ve been told I’m quite good at it.” She nodded and he positioned himself behind her on the bed, his back against the wall. She sat in between his legs and pulled her tee off to reveal a strappy black camisole underneath. He started on the tops of her shoulders and could feel large knots. She let out a soft moan when he hit one spot in particular. He stopped for a moment but she encouraged him to keep going.

 

When he was finished he intended to resume his seat at her computer chair but she leaned against him, her back flush with his chest. He settled his hands near her stomach and her head nestled against the side his neck. She was right, the movie was wonderful. It had aged surprisingly well considering how most older movies jokes were lost in the modern world. He especially enjoyed the duelist and his quest for revenge against his father’s killer.

 

“This wine is wonderful what it is?” she said quietly.

 

“Agregio Parvali, as far as I know they only make it in Tevinter. I brought a case with me when I came here. I save them for special occasions.” His breath whispered past her ear and she had goose bumps from the sensation.

 

“Movie night is considered a special occasion?”

 

“Only when it’s with a very good friend.”

 

***

**Hawke** _5:38pm_

Hey Merrill guess what time it is???

 

**Merrill** _5:39pm_

You’re done? Absolutely finished?

 

**Hawke** _5:40pm_

Its party time!!!

 

***

 

“Bad news kids. Hanged Man is a no go tonight.” Isabela said to them as they sat in a booth at Siren’s Call.

 

“What, why?” Hawke said crestfallen. Hanged Man was the only bar around that didn’t card her. Being friends with Isabela had more perks to it than just good coffee. She had gotten her and Merrill in there for months without anyone ever asking for ID.

 

“There’s been a crackdown on the local bars with letting the underage college kids in. Corff can’t risk it, says he always knew you two were under age but let it slide since we’re friends.”

 

“I guess I can’t be mad at him for that, or mad at anyone else who was trying to get away with what we were doing already.”

 

“So I guess finals party is cancelled.” Merrill said sadly.

 

“Have no fear, for your salvation is here.” Said a booming voice behind them. Varric had strolled into Sirens Call, his ever present smile plastered across his face. Isabela sashayed over to him and rested an arm on his shoulder.

 

“I called Varric after hearing the news about The Hanged Man. He’s all settled into his new place and has been dying to give someone the tour.”

 

“I remember what finals were like all too well. So tonight mi casa is su casa.”

 

***

 

Kirkwall was a very large city. Free Marches University was at the heart of it. Beyond the urban sprawl of Hightown the area became more suburban and large family homes had been built where there were still trees to have in their yards. Varric had moved into a brand new condo that had been built dead center of the divide.

 

“I have never known anyone who lived in a penthouse.” Merrill said admiring the view from the floor to ceiling windows in the dining room. The penthouse took over the entire top floor. Varric had a wide open kitchen that both Hawke and Anders had gushed over for the first half of the tour. Beyond the dining room was his living room complete with widescreen TV and surround sound system, and a game room. Two guest bedrooms with an attached bath in between complete with Jacuzzi tub. The master bedroom was a sight to see, fireplace in the room with a walk in closet. The master bath had Isabela swooning over the marble floor and steam shower.

 

“Pop open the bubbly and let’s get toasted!” said Merrill throwing her hands in the air with a cheer.

 

*five hours later*

Hawke and Merrill were dancing in the living room together giggling hysterically. They would spin and dip each other and occasionally try to get the others to join.

"I save my dancing for the club." Isabela said sitting on the couch with her legs draped over Anders. Hawke reached out and pulled Fenris from where he had been sitting and forced him between her and Merrill. They linked their hands together and did a little ring around him.

"You are so drunk Merrill." Hawke said her words slurring.

"So are you." Merrill slurred back.

"Are you drunk Fenris?" Hawke asked as she swayed into him. He caught her easily and was ready for Merrill as well.

"Not so drunk that I can't catch you." He said with a smile.

"I think it might be time to put those two to bed. Once they start stumbling it's time to cut them off." Anders remarked.

Hawke and Merrill were usually very good about not getting absolutely wasted. But there were the few occasions where they would have a bit more than they could handle. Plus it was never just one of them, Hawke and Merrill always seemed to be drunk together.

“This is what happens when they let us do shots.” Hawke said snickering.

"They can sleep in one of the guest bedrooms." Varric said puttering around the kitchen.

"I'm curling up in that king size monstrosity with you tonight Varric." Isabela said to him with a grin. "I can't remember the last time we had a good snuggle.

"Just a snuggle?" Fenris said still entangled in the embrace of the drunken twins.

"Despite the outward appearance of our relationship Bela and I are just friends. She has been there for me through all my bad times and I was there for her. Many a night has seen us just sharing bed for the comfort of having someone there next to you." Said Varric walking into the living room with a bottle of wine. He topped off his and Isabela's glasses. Both Anders and Fenris declined any more.

"So you two have never?" Anders asked wincing from the pinch he got from Isabela.

"It is entirely possible to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex and have it be platonic."

"Sorry I asked." Anders said rubbing his arm. “Who gets the other bed tonight then?”

"I'm ready for sleep. Are you ready for sleep?" Merrill said leaning against Fenris, his body being the only thing keeping her standing. Both Anders and Bela gave him a smile that said if he was going to be part of the group this was his initiation. Handling the two of them.

"You can take the second bed Anders. I don't mind the couch." Fenris said as he angled his arms around the waists of the women on either side of him. He kept them steady and steered them towards the bedroom.

He managed to get them into the room and looked away while they stripped down to their t-shirts and underwear. They climbed into bed and he pulled the covers up over them tucking them in. He was about to leave when Hawke somehow managed to pull him down onto the bed.

"Be our teddy bear Fenris." She said lifting the blankets and pulling them on top of him. He tried to escape but both women locked on and he found himself sandwiched between them. Each of their heads resting on his chest. He was barely able to lift his arms to wrap over their shoulders. He stayed there for a short time trying to figure out how to climb out when Anders passed by the open door.

"Help me." He whispered to Anders and the other man looked in and chuckled.

"Do know how many men would kill to be in your position?"

"I think they would probably prefer the women to be awake and coherent."

"This is true. But hey at least you won't be stuck sleeping on the couch. Bela and Varric have already gone off to bed. Sweet dreams." He said shutting the door. Fenris muttered a curse and Merrill stirred next to him.

"Hello." She said sleepily before letting go of him and rolling over. Her even breathing told him she had fallen back asleep already. He was able to shift himself to his side and laid with his back to hers. Hawke was still latched onto him and showed no signs of letting go. He laid a hand on her hip and let himself slowly fall into sleep.

"Hey Fen." She said her voice barely a whisper against his chest.

"What?" He whispered back.

"I'm really glad you asked to be my friend." She said before falling back asleep.

"Me too Hawke." He said the warmth of the two women next to him sinking him into a deep sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hawke** _12:30pm_

Merry Christmas!!

 

**Fenris** _1:00pm_

Merry Christmas to you as well.

 

**Hawke** _1:_ _05pm_

Any fun plans for the day?

 

**Fenris** _1:_ _06pm_

I’m having dinner with the Gents and then going to Varric’s party afterwards

 

**Hawke** _1:_ _10pm_

Omg Elle Gent, I finally get the joke. Tell her I’ve been raving about their breakfasts to my mother. She wants to stop by there next time she comes up.

 

**Fenris** _1:_ _11pm_

Lol, I’ll be sure to relay the message.

 

**Hakwe** _1:_ _12pm_

*image sent*

 

**Fenris** _1:14pm_

That dog looks less than thrilled to be wearing antlers, you and Merrill look adorable as always. The other two are your siblings?

 

**Hawke** _1:16pm_

Nonsense Dozer loves his antlers. Yes that’s Bethany and Carver. Bethany loves your tattoos btw. Says they are amazing :)

 

**Fenris** _1:17pm_

*image sent*

 

**Hawke** _1:18pm_

Seriously where did you find a black Santa hat?

 

**Fenris** _1:19pm_

I am a man of many skills. One of them being able to find anything in black

 

***

 

Christmas had come and gone quickly and Hawke soon found herself back at school. As important as it was to her to be part of the prep team for the banquet, she regretted it as soon as Bethany said good bye to her. The look on her sister’s face would stay in her mind the entire drive home. Something seemed off, Bethany was always sad to see her leave but not like that. She told herself to text her more often and poke a bit to see what might be troubling her.

 

She had barely stepped into the kitchens before Chef Orsino had her on chopping duty. Onions, scallions, garlic, shallots, her hands were a miasma of every smelly food stuff imaginable. It took all she had not to completely lose her sense of smell. A few hours into her work Anders came by with a cup of coffee and dragged her away from her station.

 

“Come on, take a break with me.” he said and they headed towards the back stairwell. It opened up into a small break area reserved for the culinary department. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it ignoring the shake of Anders head.

 

“Still don’t see how you find that relaxing.”

 

“To each their own, I still don’t see how a bunch of grown men doing barbaric figure skating is exciting for you.”

 

“Barbaric figure skating? That’s a new one, I like it.”

 

They sat in silence enjoying the cool air and the slowly falling snow. Winter had come in gentle and the ground was white everywhere. The trees had only a light covering and were still swaying gently in the breeze.

 

“Oh good you two are out here. Hawke I need a moment of your time.” Chef Orsino said popping his head out. They followed him inside and Anders shot her a questioning look. She shrugged her shoulders in return; she was just as baffled as he was. They followed Orsino back to the kitchen and found Chef Arianni waiting for them.

 

“I’m short a set of hands and Orsino said he had a couple extra. I was wondering if I could steal you to come help. Its nothing you haven’t done in class already, I won’t have you trying to spin sugar or assemble the show pieces. But I desperately need someone to work on the pastries.”

 

“I’d love to help you. Is that all right chef Orsino?” she asked unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. Chef Arianni had requested her and Orsino seemed to not need her. Anders looked at her in shock, he had bent over backwards to get her a spot on Orsino’s prep team and she was going to give it up.

 

“It’s perfectly all right. We all have to look out for one another and Arianni has always sent students my way when they were needed. This reminds me, I will need double the amount of pastry dough I asked for if you can manage that.”

 

“Of course, I guess I know what task I will be assigning Miss Hawke to tackle first.” She said with a laugh and Hawke followed her out. She looked over her shoulder at Anders and did her best to ignore the glare he sent back in return.

 

***

**Hawke** _3:15pm_

Why are you so mad at me? I’m still working on the banquet

 

**Anders** _3:26pm_

With the baking team. Are you switching your focus?

 

**Hawke** _3:30pm_

Idk maybe, its been a consideration

 

**Anders** _3:32pm_

You cant be serious.

 

**Hawke** _3:34pm_

What is so horrible about switching?

 

**Anders** _3:35pm_

Ive seen you in the kitchen Hawke, you were made for this

 

**Hawke** _3:36pm_

Id still be in the kitchen, just different part of it. Would you be giving me this much grief if I focused on the cold kitchen?

 

**Anders** _3:38pm_

Idk, I just never saw you as the type.

 

**Hawke** _3:39pm_

Neither did I until recently. I like it though I really do like it

 

**Anders** _3:40pm_

I’m not going to pretend I understand

 

**Hawke** _3:41pm_

I would never presume to think you would. You have passion and a lot of it. So do I, just not in the same place I guess.

 

***

 

Arianni wasn’t kidding about being short staffed. All her older students were busy assembling show pieces and doing the more complex desserts. Hawke had been left pretty much to herself working on making fruit filled pastries. She was busy making raspberry tarts when she heard a laugh and looked up.

 

“Smile.” Anders said as he snapped a quick picture of her with his cell phone.

 

“I guess this means you’re not mad at me anymore.” She said brushing her hair back under her hat. She might need to get it trimmed again; the front bangs kept slipping out.

 

“I wasn’t angry just surprised. You have never once told me you were thinking of moving to baking.”

 

“Something about it just calls to me. I still love cooking. I just don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life doing it. This though, I could do this and be happy.”

 

“I’m sorry I gave you grief. Its not like you’ve decided to just leave the culinary program all together.”

 

“I could never do that. It’s my calling.”

 

“Your calling should be the wash sink right now, have you even seen your face lately?”

 

“Oh god are you serious?” she ran off to the bathroom and sure enough she had a streak of raspberry sauce across the bridge of her nose. She had no idea when it had even happened. The sauce had dried how many people had walked by the kitchen and had seen her with a streak of red on her face. She had a moment’s recollection and went running out to find Anders.

 

“Delete that picture now!” she said barging back into the room but he had already left. Her phone started buzzing and she groaned loudly.

 

**Anders** _6:15pm_

You looked so cute I couldn’t resist.

 

**Hawke** _6:17pm_

Delete it!

 

**Anders** _6:18pm_

I will, eventually. But alas I am far too busy helping Orsino to do it at the moment

 

**Hawke** _6:19pm_

I’m imagining the many ways I could kill you right now

 

***

**Fenris** _11:_ _05pm_

On a scale of 1-10 how exhausted are you?

 

**Hawke** _11:_ _10pm_

11, my aches have developed more aches

 

**Fenris** _11:_ _12pm_

Ouch, have to do it again tomorrow?

**Hawke** _11:13pm_

Yes but not until the afternoon, she has a full staff for the morning. So I can sleep in a bit

 

**Fenris** _11:14pm_

Care for some company? The Gents gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas and I’d hate to drink it alone

 

**Hawke** _11:15pm_

Throw in another one of your amazing back rubs and I’m yours

 

***

**Isabela** _10:32am_

Cherry, raspberry or strawberry?

 

**Hawke** _11:_ _05am_

Huh?

 

**Isabela** _11:_ _06am_

Just wondering what flavor u were.

 

**Hawke** _11:_ _07am_

You might want to say good bye to Anders because I am going to kill him!

 

***

 

Varric's penthouse was packed for New Years Eve; half of Kirkwall seemed to be there. Hawke had spent time roaming about saying hello to those she knew and occasionally chatting with people she didn’t. As they got closer to midnight she found Merrill sitting at the kitchen nook looking rather sad. She put an arm around her and sat down.

"Merrill sweetie, do you want to go home? We can go just say the word."

"No I don’t want to leave. It's just this is my first new years without her and I just realized that I've no one to kiss. I can't remember the last time that ever happened."

Hawke embraced Merrill and held her tight. Feeling just a couple tears fall on her chest. She lifted her chin and gave her a soft kiss on the lips which elicited a smile.

"There's my Merrill." Hawke said looking into her eyes.

"Thank you Hawke. You really are my best friend you know that?"

"And you are mine."

“Ladies care to repeat that lovely display of affection again, I wasn’t ready with my camera.” Anders said as he and Fenris walked over.

“Such an ass you know that?” Hawke said poking him in the ribs. She hadn’t fully forgiven him for the picture incident. It also didn’t help that he had sent a copy to everyone.

“Hawke was cheering me up. It’s my first year single and I was sad about not having anyone to kiss.”

“And I ruined the moment, I should be punished. Where’s Isabela, she’ll have to spank me.” Anders said glancing around. Isabela was in a corner looking rather occupied with her date. “It appears I will need to wait until she comes up for air.”

They all gathered together on the roof to watch the ball drop from the Chantry tower. There was a light wind and everyone's cheeks had turned a bright shade of pink. Hawke took Merrill's hand in hers and they counted down together.

5

She squeezed Merrill's hand.

4

Merrill squeezed back.

3

Anders stepped next to her.

2

Fenris appeared next to Merrill.

1

She lost Merrill's hand as she was titled backwards and let out a squeak as Anders planted a kiss. She laughed and kissed him back tasting champagne. When he picked her back up she turned to see Merrill hugging Fenris with tears in her eyes as he laughed and planted a kiss on top of her head.

“Thank you for that.” Merrill said looking up at him. He smiled and hugged her tighter. Hawke wrapped an arm around Anders and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek.

“Happy new year everyone!” Isabela said walking over and giving each of them a big kiss. They stayed on the roof for a little while longer before the cold became too much.

***

 

Hawke and Merrill were lying in their beds letting sleep come to them when Merrill suddenly spoke up.

“I think I’m ready to start dating again.”

“That’s good. Anyone in particular?”

“Not Fenris if that’s what you were thinking.”

“Why would I be thinking that?”

“Because he kissed me.”

“Anders kissed me and I’m not about to start dating him.”

“Yes but you and Fenris.”

“Are just friends Merrill. Really just friends.”

“All right, that was very sweet of him though.”

“Yeah it really was.”

“Good night Hawke.”

“Good night Merrill.”


	13. Chapter 13

Hawke awoke to the sound of her phone ringing and attempted to snooze it, several times. When she was finally coherent enough to realize what she was doing the call went to voice mail. She settled back into bed only to hear her computer ping and her phone chime in as well. With an angry grunt she grabbed her phone and checked to see what unholy demon had decided to rouse her from sleep.

 

****Attention FMU students, all classes have been cancelled due to inclement weather.****

 

“Another wonderful dream ruined by the admins at Fuck Me University. I don’t have class til noon you assholes.” She muttered as she rolled back over to sleep. She sat up immediately within minutes and rolled open the blinds to look outside.

 

“Snow! Merrill look snow!” she yelled.

 

“Hmm wassat? No I don’t want to eat any snow. Tell that monkey I want a salad.” Merrill murmured rolling over to block out the light streaming in the window.

 

“Merrill wake up. It’s snowing. Not just a little snow either. This is real snow!”

 

“Hawke it’s seven in the morning.” She said sitting up, her short hair sticking up all over the place. The tiny braids she liked to wear had come undone and half her hair was crimped and she looked rather like she had been electrocuted.

 

“Snow days don’t have time schedules. You take all you can get! Come on we should go out and enjoy this.” She said jumping out of bed and searching for her thermals. The resounding thud of Merrill’s head hitting the pillow was her only answer.

 

“You’re seriously going to sleep away an entire snow day?” she said.

 

“That monkey owes me a salad and I intend to collect. I’ll join you later.” Merrill muttered and within minutes was back asleep. Hawke sighed and resumed her search for her warmest clothes. She dressed in full thermals and found her wool socks. Slipping her feet into her snow boots she had a sudden idea and went up two floors and started knocking on door R2.

 

“Fenris wake up, snow day!” she said loudly and waited. When there was no answer she knocked again. She was about to knock a third time when the door was opened violently and on the other side was a very grumpy looking Fenris, in nothing but boxers.

 

“Hi, classes were cancelled. There’s so much snow on the ground and I thought maybe you’d like to come enjoy it with me.”

 

Fenris brushed his hair out of his eyes and looked at her with sleepy eyes. She thought for a moment he might slam the door in her face, instead he stepped back and invited her in. his room was identical to hers save for the fact that he seemed to be the only one who occupied it. The twin beds were pushed together to form one and the second desk was being used as bookshelf. After putting on a pair of sweats Fenris walked over to his kitchen set up and began preparing a pot of coffee. Hawke sat down on his bed and looked around the room. He had made the dorm room look like an actual apartment. There were posters of literary figures taped to the walls. The cd stand was full and had several more stacked on top, ones he obviously listened to more.

 

“I didn’t think anyone bought cds anymore. Usually just download.”

 

“I still like to buy an album occasionally. Especially it was a good one.”

 

“I realized I’ve never even asked you what kind of music you like.”

 

“How much time do you have?”

 

“That expansive huh?”

 

“I don’t like to limit myself. There are many genres I prefer over others. But I generally tend to enjoy a bit of everything. I’ve recently discovered a love for metal.”

 

Hawke picked through his cds and realized she didn’t even know half the bands. She found one she did know and held it up, a grin on her face.

 

“My Chemical Romance?” she said laughing.

 

Fenris shook his head and handed her a cup of coffee, taking the cd away from her and putting it back.

 

“You yourself claimed to be a lover of angst, we all have our dark times.”

 

“I still know all the words to Black Parade, no judgments made. Just surprised is all. You seem more the brooding type, less angsty.”

 

“I don’t brood.” He said with a deadpan tone to his voice.

 

“Oh please those eyes were made for brooding.”

 

“So back to you waking me up to tell me classes were cancelled. You do realize I didn’t have one until noon?”

 

“Have none of you ever had a snow day in your life? You don’t waste it sleeping. You go outside, have snowball fights, build a snow fort, and enjoy the day and its wonderful blessing of no responsibilities.”

 

***

 

 

 

 

“Why did the snow do this to me?” Hawke asked three days later. Her nose was bright red from the constant blowing and her throat was raw. Her glorious day of snow ball fights and sledding had left her with the worst cold she could ever remember having. What started as a sniffle before bed had turned into a full on head cold.

 

“You should have bundled up more.” Merrill said passing her a cup of tea. They were sitting in the dining hall having lunch. Well Merrill was eating lunch, Hawke was sipping tea and chicken broth while wearing more layers than anyone indoors should be wearing.

 

“I was wearing thermals, wool socks, snow pants, and two sweaters! I’m a Ferelden; we were born for this kind of weather. The snow is punishing me; I am being punished for leaving Ferelden. Only explanation.”

 

“Or you could just be sick and delusional. My vote is on the latter.” Fenris said sitting down next to them. Hawke glared at him and held her tea and tried to inhale the steam. All she heard was the sound of her nose refusing to do its one and only job.

 

“I hate you.” she said and laid her head down on the table. The wood felt cold against her face and it brought a small level of comfort. Merrill put a hand on the back of her neck and sighed.

 

“I think you’re starting to get a fever.”

 

“Impossible, I’m freezing.”

 

“That’s usually the sign of a fever Hawke.”

 

“Hawkes don’t get sick; this is just my body having an adverse reaction to Kirkwall snow, nothing more.”

 

Merrill and Fenris exchanged looks and shrugged. Eventually they coaxed her back to the room and into bed. Hawke drifted to sleep and kept telling herself over and over again that she would be fine in the morning.

 

***

 

**Merrill** _8:15am_  
911! Hawkes trying to go to class!!

**Fenris** _8:16am_  
How is she even getting past you?

**Merrill** _8:16am_  
Idk if you’ve noticed but I am rather short

**Fenris** _8:17am_  
She's sick!

**Merrill** _8:18am_  
that doesn’t make me taller than her!

***

  
"Hawke." Fenris's voice was soft but still held a growl of warning.

"I'm fine." Hawke said her voice saying otherwise.

"You can barely breathe."

She took in a deep breath to prove him wrong and ended up bent over with a cough that racked through her chest. Fenris could hear her lungs were congested. He scooped her up and carried her back to her bed. Merrill scrambled out of the way.

"I can go to class damn it. Hawkes don't get sick. I just need to take some medicine and I will be fine." She said as she weakly beat her hands against his chest. He sat her down and she folded her arms across her chest.

"Hawke, there's no shame in taking a sick day." Merrill said in a soothing voice.

"I don't need to miss class for this. Just give me the cough syrup that's in the bathroom and let me get ready."

Fenris glared at her and she responded in kind. Merrill handed her a medicine cup filled with bright red liquid and she downed it never taking her eyes off him. He moved out of the way as she made her way to her closet and began to poke through it. He turned to Merrill but she just flashed him a smile that was trying too hard to look innocent.

Hawke was pulling off her pants and Fenris looked away quickly when he heard a thump. He turned and found Hawke on the ground her feet tangled in her jeans and her pajama pants. She had tried to put on one while still removing the other. He and Merrill both knelt down next to her.

"I guess I probably should go back to bed." She said sniffling.

"You'll be asleep soon enough. You wanted the medicine with the sleepy moon on the bottle right?" Merrill said sweetly.

"You bitch." Hawke said with a laugh that sounded painful as it looked. Fenris lifted her up trying his best to not pay attention to the fact that she was wearing nothing but panties and a t-shirt. He tucked her under the covers and watched her eyes drop.

"Well she should be out for a few hours at least. I can try and come back in between classes to check on her."

"I'll stay." Fenris said without thinking. He pulled up a chair next to her bed and pulled his laptop out of his bag. He only needed to worry about writing one paper and he could easily skip his class that day.

"You sure?"

"Someone should be here when she wakes up.”

Merrill said nothing but gave him a warm smile as she walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote the bit about Hawke getting sick to be used later in the work. However after the snow day escapades it just seemed like it fit in here much better.  
> Thank you all for the comments, I'm glad you all liked my version of the streak in the last chapter. Having swiped myself across the face with many things in the kitchen I just had to throw that in there.


	14. Chapter 14

"Wait you want me to go where?" Hawke asked Merrill thinking for a moment that she had gone temporarily insane.

"Speed dating."

"You're joking right?"

"I know I'm not always the best at telling jokes but even you can tell when I'm being serious."

"I know you said you wanted to start dating again but I didn't think there was a time limit attached to it."

"I just want to meet people and this seemed like a good way to get started. Please say you'll come with me."

"Somehow I know I'm going to regret this."

***

"So how does this work exactly. I've only ever seen it in the movies and the results are usually comedic and not romantic." Hawke asked the woman in charge. The smile on her face seemed to be a permanent feature and it left her feeling a bit unsettled.

"I'll be giving everyone name tags. The ladies will sit at tables and wait for the gentlemen to sit down to join them. You'll get five minutes to sit and chat. You fill out the little cards they give you and if there's a match we give you their phone numbers."

"What if I like the guy and I don't want to meet anyone else?"

"You just put a little note on your card that you're interested and at the end of the night."

"Yeah but what if this guy is it though. My soul mate and I just let him leave and talk to some other floozy? I don't know how I feel about my future husband talking to other women after we've already established we're buying a house in the suburbs and having four kids and five dogs, cat optional."

"Hawke please." Merrill said squeezing her arm. She couldn't resist the pleading look in her friend’s eyes. This was obviously important to her so she would just have to make the most of it.

"Don't lose any of my cards all right? Future husband might just be here tonight." She said walking towards the room.

"So where do they find these guys anyway?"

"This one is specifically for students at FMU and GallowsU. So it will be people we go to school with or at least who are the same age as us."

"Wonderful, you know we could sit down with random guys in the dining hall and chat for five minutes and it would still not be as awkward as this."

"Thank you for coming with me Hawke. You really are my best friend." Merrill said with a sweet smile.

"And you are mine and that was low even for you."

There were partitions set up between each table, to discourage peeking at who you might be meeting next probably Hawke thought. She was thinking she could probably run out of there and only have to apologize for a week to Merrill when a gong sounded and the first guy was seated in front of her.

"Hi I'm Hawke and I really don't want to be here."

***  
She had met five men already and had lost all hope for her future dating life should she ever decide to resume it. Bran the business major droned on and on about his work with student government. Seamus was sweet but Hawke suspected he might be gay. She couldn't remember the name of guy number three or what they had talked about, she might have fallen asleep. Sten had been misinformed of what speed dating was and spent the whole time complaining of false advertising. Feynriel it turned out was the son of Chef Arianni and when that information came out the conversation turned awkward.

"This is why I told her I didn't want to go to school around here. Somehow I always end up meeting someone who knows my mother. It just makes things weird you know. Sometimes I just." The gong sounded and Hawke dropped her head down on the table. She heard the sound of the chair being pulled out and didn't even bother looking up.

"Hi my name is no longer interested in being here."

"We have that in common then." She knew that voice. She looked up and saw the familiar green eyes from behind the fringe of white hair.

"Fenris?"

"Fancy meeting you here."

"I thought you weren't doing the whole dating thing?"

"I could say the same to you."

"Merrill made me come. I protested but then she did that thing where she looks at you and smiles."

"At least you have a valid excuse. Anders dragged me here and I regret that I allowed him to."

"Anders is here? Why?"

"The same reason as Merrill I suppose.  How terrible has it been for you?"

"This has got to be the single worst experience of my entire life and I have had several dental procedures. I would kill to be getting a root canal right now."

Fenris laughed and she found herself laughing with him.

"What do you say to getting the hell out of here? Eventually Anders will get to Merrill and I'm sure they will put two and two together and know we've already escaped.

"I knew there was a reason we were friends." They scurried out of the room and were nearly stopped by the woman at the front.

"You're not supposed to leave until the end."

"It's all good. Future husband found. We're going to look at houses and figure out what to name the kids."

***

 **Elegant** _10:45am_  
Please tell me you have no plans tonight and would like to make money

 **Fenris** _10:50am_  
Money is good. You need me?

 **Elegant** _10:51am_  
Yes, one of my servers called out. Think you can handle that? You've done it a few times but tonight is going to be crazy.

 **Fenris** _10:52am_  
Sure. Crazy how?

 **Elegant** _10:53am_  
It's Valentines Day

 **Fenris** _10:54am_  
Oh.

 **Elegant** _10:55am_  
I'm starting to understand why you don't have a girlfriend.

 **Fenris** _10:56am_  
Oh would you look at that. My night just became rather busy what a shame.

 **Elegant** _10:57am_  
Hahaha be here around 3 all right.

***

As soon as he walked into Lowtown diner he knew the night was going to be pure chaos. Elle was on the phone yelling at someone and her husband was in the back yelling at someone else. The two servers were milling about taking care of the few customers that they had. Elle signaled him to sit at the counter and wait for her. He stepped behind the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee and nodded to the server he knew from over the summer. The other one was not familiar to him.

“Fenris, please tell me that you have made friends with at least one culinary student and they like you don’t have a love life to speak of?”

“What happened?”

 

“The new guy sliced his hand open and is gonna need to go to the hospital for stitches. No one else will come in, say they’ve all got plans and they can’t cancel them.”

 

“I think I have someone I can call.” Fenris pulled out his phone and hoped that Merrill hadn’t dragged Hawke out to some crazy Valentines Day mixer.

 

 **Fenris** _3:_ _10pm_

Any plans tonight? Diner is short staffed.

 

 **Hawke** _3:_ _11pm_

Omg yes I will totally come in and do whatever she wants me to!!

 

 **Fenris** _3:_ _12pm_

What did I just get you out of?

 

 **Hawke** _3:13pm_

I will not dare repeat the name, only know that you saved me and I owe you so much right now. I will clean your dorm room, wash your clothes I am so grateful to you.

 

***

 

 

 

Rickard Gent was a no nonsense cook. Scoffed at her when she tried to call him chef.

 

“Don’t call me chef girl. I’m Rick, Rickard, or Mr. Gent.” He said before setting her to work. After a few hours preparing entrée plates and house salads he told her to take over the stove. Wanted to see what kind of education she was getting at her fancy school.

 

Gent had been taught by his father to cook. He and Elle had met in Ostwick when they were in their twenties. Moved to Kirkwall after getting married and opened the diner.

 

“Ten years we’ve been running this little place. I tell you as much as I might make fun of your fancy college education I don’t think I would have as much business as I do without you kids. Restaurants in Hightown are too pricy for kids on a budget. So I get a lot of you in here on the weekends for breakfast. Not to mention the bar crowd we get on Fridays and Saturdays.”

 

“I love your Sunday special. Fen introduced me to it a few months ago.”

 

“He’s a good one, came in here with barely any money to his name. Said he’d work for food. Elle had half a mind to just up and adopt him right on the spot. But he’s got an independent streak in him. One of the reasons I like him so much. You hold onto that one you hear.”

 

“He’s not mine to hold on to. We’re just friends.”

 

“Who says you shouldn’t hold onto friends?”

 

***

Hawke sat on the back steps behind the diner smoking a cigarette. The air was crisp and cold but it felt good on her skin. The heat of the kitchen was sunk deep into her and she could see steam coming off her arms.

 

“That is quite the sight.” Fenris said coming through the door behind her. She scooted over and made room for him to sit down next to her. He lit up a cigarette and leaned back, resting on his elbows.

 

“How did you make out?” she asked.

 

“Very well actually. Romance apparently opens people’s pockets. Not to mention the few lonely ladies who came in tonight. I won’t deny flirting with them to increase my tips.”

 

“My my I didn’t know you had it in you.”

 

“Rickard likes you. Says he’d steal you away if he didn’t think he’d have an angry mother on his doorstep yelling about your education.”

 

“Now that would be a sight to see.”

“He said to tell you there’s always a spot here for you should you ever need it.”

 

“Now that’s something I can work with. Would be nice to bring in money that’s my own.”

 

“You’ve mentioned that before. Do you not have your own money?”

 

Hawke didn’t answer and Fenris mentally smacked himself. It was too personal a question to be asking and he knew it. Why did he always insist on prying where he didn’t belong?

 

“I’m sorry that was not a well thought out question.”

 

“It’s fine really. My father had a very good insurance policy, almost like he new something would happen. It’s taken care of all of us. My grandparents left me money for my education as well. I just don’t like the idea of being taken care of. I want to make my own way.”

 

“That’s very admirable. But you shouldn’t look at what you have as something to be ashamed of. There are many who cannot say the same.”

 

“I’d give it all back for one more day with him. Heck I’d give it all back for one more hour.”

 

Fenris put an arm around her and pulled her in tight. Elle found them back there and told them to get inside before they got sick. Most of the evening crowd had dispersed and she made them sit down to have a proper dinner. She fussed over them for a bit before leaving them to their meal.

 

“Something about a burger always makes me happy. Doesn’t matter how it’s cooked, what they put on it, or where I’ve gotten it from. Burgers are just my happy food.” Hawke said as she took a very large bite.

 

“I don’t know if I have a happy food. There are plenty of foods that make me happy to eat them, but I don’t think I have a particular one.”

 

Hawke was busy telling Fenris about her newest cooking class and as she gestured wildly with her fry she found him snickering at her.

 

“What is so funny?” she said fixing him with a glare.

 

“Just the way you talk with your hands. I’m beginning to understand how you managed to get raspberry sauce on your face. You’re very animated.”

 

“When will I ever live that moment down?”

 

“I don’t know it was quite memorable, even having not been there.”

 

“Oh yeah well how about we make another memorable moment.” Hawke dipped her fry in ketchup and streaked it across Fenris’s nose. The look of absolute shock on his face sent her into uncontrollable giggles. Not one to be outdone Fenris took a fry from her and responded in kind. Elle found them at the table laughing hysterically with matched ketchup streaks on their faces.

 

“What in the world are you two doing?” she said with hands on her hips.

 

“Being idiots. Take a picture will you?” Hawke said handing off her phone. She pulled Fenris up out of his seat and brought his face next to hers. They smiled for the camera and then did their best to get the ketchup residue off their faces.

 

“Hawke somehow I know this isn’t the strangest thing that is ever going to happen with you around.”

 

“I know, isn’t it awesome?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The streak returneth! I couldn't resist. I love any opportunity to have those two be complete dorks together.  
> As always thank you for the comments and kudos, I still can't believe how many of you are reading this. My hit count just keeps going up and I admit I always get excited when theres a comment in my inbox.  
> Much love to all of you :)  
> Stay tuned because Merrill has a birthday coming up


	15. Chapter 15

Hawke woke up early and did her best to climb out of bed silently. She dressed herself and made a quick run to Sirens Call.

"Is it ready?" She asked Isabela as she walked in.

"Yup." Isabela had her order bagged on the counter. "One blueberry muffin, dyed green, and a macchiato with green whipped cream."

"Thanks, did you get the tickets?"

"You have to ask?"

"Just making sure. She is going to be so excited she'll squeak."

"Five bucks says she squeaks and falls out of her own chair trying to hug you."

"I'll see that bet and raise you ten that she tries to hug us both at the same time."

"Oh you're on. Diner at six then?"

"On the dot, thanks again."

"Anything for my two favorite customers."

  
Hawke slipped back into the room as quietly as she had left. Merrill was still thankfully asleep in her bed. Hawke pulled the muffin and the coffee out of the bag. She slipped a candle into the muffin lit it and set it down on Merrill's bed side table.

"Wake up birthday girl." She whispered and Merrill rolled over. Her eyes lit up from the candle.

"Oh Hawke, you didn't."

"Yes indeed I did."

"You really are my best friend."

"And you are mine."  
***  


**Fenris** _3:35pm_  
I don't own anything green

**Hawke** _3:39pm_  
You're kidding right?

**Fenris** _3:40pm_  
No, I don't own anything green.

**Hawke** _3:41pm_  
Come down to my room. I'll find something.

**Fenris** _3:42pm_  
You've got to be joking?

**Hawke** _3:34pm_  
Nope either you borrow something of mine or I take you shopping. Which would you prefer?

***  
"Do I want to know why you own several pairs of men's shirts?" Fenris asked as Hawke rifled through her closet.

"They're comfortable; why else would I own them?" Are you implying that I seduce men and steal their clothing?"

"Forget I said anything. Why the insistence on green anyway?"

"It's Merrill's favorite color. So everyone is going to wear it at dinner. You want to be in the group you have to do the group activities."

"Can I be in the group as the surly teenager who just wants to be left alone?"

Hawke paused for a moment. His words brought back a memory. Leto had said something like that once. Or at least it sounded like something he would say. She shook the thought away but not before Fenris noticed the look on her face.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No it's nothing sorry. Ah here we are. This should fit you just fine." She handed him a short sleeved plaid green shirt. He put in on over the black sweater he was wearing and did a small twirl for her.

"Just throw on that beanie of yours and you'll be hipster stylish."

"Says the goth."

***   


Merrill was aglow with happiness and couldn’t stop blabbering her thanks to everyone for her gifts. Anders had given her a guidebook to the national parks of the Free Marches. From Fenris she had received a book of nature inspired poetry. Hawke gave her a Muse t-shirt and hoodie.

 

“Oh I just love all of them thank you so much. This really has been such an amazing birthday.”

 

“Kitten you haven’t opened my gift yet, after all you’re going to want to go somewhere in that new shirt Hawke got you. Consider this a second gift from her as well.” Isabela said with a grin.

 

Merrill tore open the envelope Isabela had given her and let out a squeak. Three tickets to the Muse show that weekend. She hooked her arms around both Hawke and Isabela and said thank you so fast it was barely recognizable as coherent speech.

 

“I can’t believe it I spent hours online trying to get these, they sold out in minutes!”

 

“I have my wily ways kitten.”

 

***

 

**Hawke** _12:45am_

Merrill crowd surfed. It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life

 

**Fenris** _12:46am_

Wish I could have seen that

 

**Hawke** _12:47am_

She was so very Merrill, found the tallest guy in the place and asked him to hoist her up

 

Isabela and Merrill chatted while Hawke texted Fenris. Merrill had met someone at the show and couldn’t stop talking about him.

 

“He was just so sweet, kept accidentally bumping into me and finally just admitted he was trying to find a way to ask me for my number.”

 

“Which one was he? Not the ridiculously tall one who kept lifting you up?” Hawke asked looking up.

 

“No, but they are friends actually. That’s how Krem noticed me. Said once he saw Bull throw me out onto the crowd he just had to say hello, and he did in his own awkward way. It was so cute the way he missed his mouth with the water bottle when I said yes to exchanging numbers.”

 

"Speaking of cute men being awkward, Hawke what's up with you and Fenris?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? We are friends nothing more."

"So no more weirdness over him? No more thinking he's your first love come back into your life."

"I won't deny sometimes I just can't shake the feeling it's him. But trust me I come back down to earth and realize they are two different people who happen to share some physical characteristics."

"Good so now you can finally stop puttering around and actually date the guy."

"I refuse to dignify that with a response."

“Seriously I cannot be the only one who looks at the two of you and thinks those two should just kiss already.”

“It doesn’t really matter if you are or aren’t, there’s nothing like that between us. We really are just friends.”

“Do you go an entire day without talking to him?”

“I have actually managed to go an entire day without speaking to him.”

“Right so you didn’t immediately grab your phone to text him when we got into the cab, I’m just imagining that.”

“He said to text him when we were heading back. You know so someone knows where we are as we take an hour long cab ride home. He’s being thoughtful.”

Isabela shot her a look that said she didn’t believe a word Hawke was saying. Merrill diffused the tension by talking about Krem again.

“He said he might be around Kirkwall in a week or so and we can get together. Between the speed dating and this I swear I have never had so much fun. I really like this dating thing. No wonder you do it so much Isabela.”

***

"All right remember when I said I was happy you were trying out dating again? I've changed my mind stop dating just settle down with the next person you meet and call it a day."

"Just this once please. I will never ask anything of you like this again. I really like Krem and the only way we can go out tonight is if I find someone for Grim."

"What kind of nickname is that anyway? Is he melancholic? Does he spend his days telling people what doom awaits them?"

"Actually I have no idea why they call him that. Krem didn't specify really."

"Fine, but only because I know how important this is to you. But just when we're out tonight maybe you should consider settling down. Or at least finding a way to date that doesn't involve me coming along every time."

***  
Grim didn't talk, at all, ever. His responses to all her questions were a series of grunts and the occasional hum. Hawke was convinced she could call his mother a backwater hussy and he'd just nod. At least Krem and Merrill were having a good time. They were too busy talking to realize she was texting furiously under the table.

**Hakwe** _8:34pm_  
Save me please. I will do anything if you can manage to find a way to save me from this.

**Fenris** _8:35pm_  
That bad?

**Hawke** _8:37pm_  
He doesn't talk. He grunts. He should be called Grunt. Because that's all he does.

**Fenris** _8:38pm_

Hmmm, idk what I can even do to get you out. Where are you anyway?

**Hawke** _8:40pm_

The place is called Bonny Lem’s, I can’t even enjoy my food I am so miserable

**Fenris** _8:41pm_

Are you willing to take drastic measures?

**Hawke** _8:42pm_

What are you planning?

**Fenris** _8:43pm_

Do not tell Merrill its me calling, say its your sister

Her phone started ringing; Merrill looked up and tilted her head.

“Its Bethany, give me a second. Hello?”

“Alas alas dear sister save me from my teenage woes. I am so so sad and lonely my boyfriend just broke up with me. I’ll never find love again. Mother doesn’t understand she could never understand. Please tell me sister will I ever love again.” Fenris droned on in a perfect dead pan. Hawke did all she could to stifle her laughter as he went on.

“Bethany sweetie slow down, you’re babbling I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Now look at Merrill and give her that ‘oh no my baby sister needs me’ look. Shake your head and sigh and look at everyone else at the table apologetically. Wait a few more seconds and I will be done crying my eyes out long enough to clearly tell you that I need to talk to you all night about how sad I am.”

“Ok honey; just give me a minute all right? Merrill I’m so sorry but Bethany is really upset, something about a boy and she doesn’t want to talk to my mother. I hate to leave you guys.”

“Totally fine, have to be there for little sisters.” Krem said with a smile and a wave of the hand. Grim grunted in agreement. Hawke bid them all a goodbye and raced out of the restaurant as fast as she could without making it look like she was trying to escape death.

Stepping outside into the cool air she breathed a sigh of relief and pulled a cigarette out of her purse. A familiar set of hands appeared next to her with a light and she jumped in surprise.

“How did you get here so fast?”

“I was down the street at the bookshop. Dorothea asked me to come by and help her organize again. One of these days I might just have to gently nudge her into realizing she should retire. But she loves that shop and just wont say goodbye to all the books.”

“So you played hero to both of us today. I should buy you a cape. Wait no; I’m going to buy you a coffee mug that says ‘HERO’. Anyone who questions it gets smacked with it.”

“I’m sure there will come a time when I need saving from something. You can always pay me back then.”

“So where to now? I have no idea when Merrill is going to get back from her date and if she finds me with you she’ll figure out what I did.”

“You know I believe rescuing a damsel in distress counts as a special occasion. We can go back to my room and pop open a bottle of the Agregio.”

“I do say that does sound so very marvelous. Please kind sir lead the way but don’t let my mother know I was in the company of a man without a chaperone.” Hawke said in an overdramatic voice. Fenris linked his arm with hers and they laughed as they walked down the street together.

***

**Merrill** _10:34pm_

Tell Fenris I said hello

**Hawke** _10:40pm_

What are you talking about?

**Merrill** _10:41pm_

Please as if you actually could fool me with that whole bit. I knew you were texting him. sorry that didn’t go very well. I promise it wont happen again. But I am telling Isabela you left a date to go be with Fenris

**Hawke** _10:42pm_

Worth it, totally worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Idk if you have noticed but I really have a thing for the friends to lovers trope. It is truly one of my all time favorite ones and I really enjoy building that for Hawke and Fenris.   
> They don't see what they have as anything more than friendship because that's all it needs to be for them. For now :)


	16. Chapter 16

_“All right so let’s do some improvisational acting. We’ll bring a group of you up and everyone gets a card with the description of a character and you are going to act out the scene as that character.”_

_Marian and Leto groaned loudly, neither of them was willing to hide their disdain for the camp leaders. The two oldest campers had developed a reputation for being difficult to manage. No matter their antics the camp still wouldn’t follow through on the threat to send them home. No, that would be giving them exactly what they wanted._

_“Ok so we need one more up here. Ah yes Leto, you can be the final performer. Come up.” The woman’s face was a blur, the memory not quite clear. Yet that voice, nasally and high rang through clear as a bell. She had always been so damn perky._

_“So you’re going to act out the scene, the family is together for dinner and the father is telling everyone he might be losing his job and go.”_

_The other three played their parts while Leto sat in silence. Eventually the counselor stopped the act._

_“Leto you haven’t said a single word. Why aren’t you playing your character?”_

_“I am my card says teenage son. I am the teenage son who really just wants to be left alone. I believe I am playing that perfectly.” He turned to face her and smiled. But it wasn’t Leto who stared back at her. The face she saw now was Fenris and he tilted his head to stare at her._

_“Isn’t this what you want? For me to be him? Or have you forgotten me already?”_

Hawke sat up in bed breathing hard. What the hell was that, she thought to herself. Her dreams about camp had never been that clear or vivid. It was always abstract and she hadn’t had one in years.

 

“Fuck.” She muttered to herself. This had to stop, this train of thought needed to be derailed before she made an ass of herself. If she let this sort of thing fester she was likely to just burst one day and interrogate him. Say Fenris you wouldn’t happen to have been known by another name once? Are you sure? Are you sure you weren’t named Leto years ago and you took some poor unsuspecting girls virginity and never freaking wrote to her!

 

“Hey you all right?” Merrill said looking at her from her bed.

 

“Yeah I’m fine, just weird dreams really. Probably shouldn’t be drinking coffee right before bed.”

 

“You’re only just realizing that now?”

 

“Go back to sleep Merrill, I’m fine trust me.” she said laying back down. Merrill gave her a concerned look but said no more. They both fell back to sleep and Hawke had no more dreams throughout the night. Merrill however had another showdown with the monkey who refused to give her a salad and this time she brought a hammer to the party.

 

***

**Merrill** _6:45pm_

Hey I have a date tonight so I won’t be there for dinner.

 

**Hawke** _6:47pm_

Another one? I thought Krem was on the road again?

 

**Merrill** _6:48pm_

He is this one is with someone I met at speed dating.

 

**Hawke** _6:49pm_

If you say it’s with Bran I will have to lock you in the room to save you.

 

**Merrill** _6:50pm_

Ugh that bag of air? No his name is Feynriel, he goes to Gallows U

 

**Hawke** _6:51pm_

Ah ok, well have fun and whatever you do, don’t ask about his mother

 

***

 

"What do you mean you've never played truth or dare?" She asked her voice full of disbelief. It was the signature game of every teenager’s life. She sat at the head of Fenris’s bed with pillows piled up behind her. His head sat in her lap.

"I've seen it and understand the rules. But no, I myself have never participated."

"Well then we have to play." She said drinking straight from the wine bottle. She and Fenris had started having Wine Wednesdays. Sometimes they would share a bottle, other times they would each have their own. Midterms were fast approaching and they both agreed it was best to have their own that night. It took some adjusting on his part to drink from the bottle while still keeping his head resting on her legs.

"First tell me something. Would we be hanging out this much if Merrill wasn't out and about experiencing the dating life?" His voice sounded unsure. As though he truly thought he was just a fill in.

"No, I like hanging out with you Fenris. Merrill is my best friend yes. But even she and I have our separate lives from each other."

"It's just well I guess what I'm trying to say is you're my best friend Hawke. Never thought I'd have one to speak of and I just wanted you to know that."

"You're not supposed to start spouting truths before the game even starts silly." She said planting a kiss on his forehead. He laughed and sat up maneuvering himself to sit next to her.

"Ok fine, truth or dare?"

"Hmmm truth."

"What is something you regret not doing?"

"Easy, streaking my hair. When I chopped it off the stylist said it would look amazing with blue highlights. I chickened out at the last minute. You now truth or dare?"

"Dare, bring it on."

"I dare you to send a dirty text to Isabela."

*two hours later*

"Ok now tell her that you're wearing nothing but a top hat and a well placed bow." Hawke said sniggering into the pillow. Fenris laughed loudly as he texted. Isabela had taken the game in full stride and it soon became a challenge to see who could out smut the other.

"Out of wine." He said holding up his empty bottle. She held her empty up as well and he threw them away. He lay down on his stomach next to her.

"Truth or dare?" She said as she lay on her back staring at the ceiling.

"Truth this time."

"Is that your actual hair color?"

"Ha-ha yes and no. I dye it. Though most of my hair is actually this color. It used to be black as you can see from my eyebrows."

"Your hair color is black?" She said with a slight trepidation in her voice. Her mind screamed at her to just ask him. To just come out and say what she was suspecting. But she couldn't, she didn't want him to be Leto, she wanted him to be Fenris. Just accepting that fact alone had made things much easier for her.

"It was yes. When I was eighteen I noticed white streaks by my temples. I couldn't believe I was going grey so young. Then there were more and I would dye them. Eventually I went to see a doctor because I thought I was dying, ha get it dying?" He chuckled and she smiled at the joke. "He told me acute stress can cause premature graying of hair. I tried minimizing my stress but I guess there just wasn't any stopping it at that point. Now I just embrace it. The top of my head still comes in black in some places. But when it does it back to the salon."

"It really works for you though. Matches the ink beautifully."

"I'm glad I went with white. Was considering black lines but my artist insisted on white. Said it would look better on my skin. You now truth or dare?"

"Mmm dare and make it a good one."

"I dare you to go back to the salon and get those streaks done."

***

The morning of her twenty first birthday Hawke awoke to find a purple frosted cupcake next to her bed with a note.

“Sorry I’m not here to wish you a happy birthday but you’ll understand why tonight. – Merrill”

Hawke smiled and took the first bite, it was the best cupcake she had ever had, and not just because it was her birthday. She paced about the room for a bit nervously. She was a Hawke and a Hawke never turned down a dare. Fenris had made the appointment for her and even offered to pay for it as a birthday present. Now she was just waiting for the time to arrive.

There was a knock on her door around noon and she opened it to find Fenris. He was wearing all black as was his custom but he replaced his usual grey scarf with a purple one.

“I thought you only owned black and shades of grey?” she laughed reaching a hand out to touch the soft fabric.

“I thought I might add a little bit of color to my wardrobe. Plus it’s your birthday, should I not be wearing something of your favorite color?”

“You remembered.” She said with a smile.

“Of course, are you ready?”

“As ready as I will ever be.”

***

She was amazed at the person staring back at her from the mirror. The stylist had turned down Fenris’s suggestion at streaking her whole head. Just a few along the bangs to add some highlights was all that was needed. Hawke kept smiling at herself and giggled when Fenris brought his face down next to hers.

“So tell me? What do you think?”

“I think we need to play truth or dare more often.”

***

"I can't wait to see the look on their faces." Hawke said with excitement in her voice. She was walking arm in arm with Fenris through Hightown.

"Good birthday so far then?"

"Are you kidding we're not even at dinner yet and I'm over the moon happy. I couldn't have asked for a better day."

As they walked towards the restaurant Hawke babbled on about how she was so excited to see the menu. Wonders of Thedas had opened months earlier and had a diverse menu featuring cuisines from all the regions of the world.

"Normally I hate seeing so many different foods on one menu but this isn't fusion and they actually import all the ingredients to stay true to food."

Merrill and Isabela were waiting in the lobby for them. They stared at Hawke open mouthed.

"That's not quite the reaction I thought I would get guys. Come on you knew I had wanted to do this. I figured why not. I can always dye it back before the summer. Avoid giving my mother a heart attack you know."

"Of course makes perfect sense." Isabela said with a forced smile.

"Is the rest of your party here then?" The hostess said walking up to them.

"Yes we have the birthday girl. We should probably go sit down."

"Rest of the party? I thought it was just you guys and Anders. Varric isn't coming til later when we hit the bar."

"Well you see I wasn't there this morning because I was setting up a bit of a surprise for you. A few more surprise guests to be honest."

"Surprise guests, who in the world?" Her words were cut short as they got closer to the table. She recognized the back of the head instantly and felt her entire body go slack. "My mother is here?" She said with a high pitched squeak.

"And your brother and sister." Merrill said biting her lip.

"I'm going to die. I'm not even going to get to drink on my twenty first birthday because my mother is going to kill me." Hawke said as she headed towards what she was convinced could only be her doom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Hawke was always meant to have those streaks in her hair. Its how I imagined her. But I wanted them to make an appearance and be something that brought her and Fenris together.  
> The wonderful ellustration of tumblr was kind enough to do a drawing of her and you can view it here.  
> http://quinnlocke.tumblr.com/post/134575008314/thank-you-again-to-ellustration-for-this-i
> 
> This may very well be one of my favorite chapters. I love the development of their friendship, the east camaraderie they find with each other. I hope you guys enjoy it too.


	17. Chapter 17

“Did you know about this?” Hawke hissed at Fenris as they walked towards the table where her mother sat with Anders and her siblings.

 

“I had no idea, I swear.” He muttered back to her.

 

“If you knew about this I will kill you, best friend or not.” She said forcing a smile onto her face.

 

“Is this a part of being best friends? Death threats?” he asked with a light chuckle.

 

“That’s how you know you’re best friends with someone.” She said giving him a gentle nudge on the hip with her fist.

 

“Mom, Bethy, Carver! I can’t believe you’re here!” she said holding her arms out for a hug.

 

“Happy birthday sweetie! Did you think we would miss your this? Her mother said wrapping her arms around her. If she noticed her hair she said nothing. She hugged her siblings and her and Bethany shared a look that said they were both prepared for the onslaught.

 

“You must be Fenris.” Leandra said after everyone had taken their seats. “Congratulations on your poker win.” Fenris choked on his water and gave Isabela and Hawke a glare.

 

“I wasn’t aware you would be seeing the pictures as well.” he said blushing.

 

“Oh please don’t act all shy. I was young once, besides we needed a bit of entertainment that day.” She said giving Carver a look. He was about to make a retort when Bethany kicked him in the leg. He grimaced but said nothing.

 

“Isabela tell me more about this café of yours. My daughter swears the coffee there is better than anything I could possibly give her when she comes home.”

 

Isabela talked about her coffee shop and where she bought her blends from. Leandra asked questions of everyone. Merrill about her studies and how her dating life was going. She asked Anders if he was having any further difficulties with his knees. Finally she turned to Fenris, the only one she hadn’t gotten to know yet or heard stories about from her daughter. He took a hard sip of his wine and prepared to be scrutinized.

 

“So literature major that does sound rather romantic. Is there a particular author you enjoy?”

 

Fenris smiled and saw Hawke smiling as well. He told Leandra about which author he had read the most of and who inspired him as well.

 

Hawke waited patiently for her mother to finally turn to her again. She prepared a million different ways to say she was more than allowed to choose what color to put in her hair. That she would also be more than happy to dye it back before coming home for the summer. She spent so much time thinking of what she should say that when their entrees arrived she didn’t even realize her mother wasn’t even talking to Fenris anymore. She was telling them the story of her first attempt at making tomato sauce.

 

“So there she is when her father comes home covered in sauce. It wasn’t quite as big a mess as when she first tried baking, and her father tasted it and told her it was the best sauce he ever had. After she went upstairs to clean up I watched him doctor it up a little. She thought she had made the perfect sauce on her first try. It was simply the sweetest thing.”

 

“I’m sorry about dying my hair!” Hawke suddenly blurted out, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “I wanted to do it when I cut my hair but I chickened out and Fenris found out and said I should do it and he paid for it so if you make me dye it back you’re just wasting his money really. Plus he paid for it as a birthday present so you’d be making me get rid of my present and I’ll dye it back before I come home!”  

 

“Dye it back if you want to but I think it looks very nice. Though if you ask me a lighter blue would have complimented your eyes so much more. This chicken is divine by the way, cooked perfectly.”

 

All three Hawke children shared a look with one another and broke out into laughter. Leandra made a point of ignoring them and continued to ask more questions about the lives of her daughters friends.

 

“I think now is a good a time as any for the presents to come out.” Isabela said once their dessert plates were cleared away. She handed Hawke a large box wrapped in vibrant purple paper. “This is a combined gift from Anders and myself.” it was a black chef’s coat with ‘Hawke’ monogrammed on the front in red.

 

“I know purple is your favorite color, but Bela and I thought red might be your more signature color at this point.” Anders said with a wicked grin, but was kind enough to not share the raspberry sauce picture. Hawke and Fenris exchanged a smile between them; they had not shared their recreation picture with anyone.

 

From Merrill she received a set of kitchen tools, namely ones she would be using in the baking program. “You really do pay attention to everything don’t you” Hawke said giving Merrill a hug.

 

Her brother and sister gave her a new messenger bag; Hawke suspected her mother had a hand in the suggestion of that. Her final present was a small box from her mother. When she opened it her hand shot up to her mouth in shock.

 

“I know he would want you to have it. It’s a little stained but that’s only because he never took it off.” Leandra said with a wistful smile. When she had first started dating Malcolm she had given him a red leather cuff as a gift. The original ties had broken and had needed to be replaced several times over. But the leather never hardened or cracked, it was stained from the years of kitchen work it had seen her husband through. “Here I had the ties replaced again, I’ll put it on for you.” her hands followed the familiar routine of tying the cuff in place, looping the cord so it wouldn’t unravel and finishing the knot in the middle.

 

“Mom, its perfect thank you.” Hawke said brushing away the few tears that had come sneaking out. She couldn’t remember a time in her life when that cuff wasn’t on her father’s wrist. He had always said that was his real wedding band. Now it was on hers, a fond memory of her father to keep with her.

 

“All right, I am going to do the right thing and head back to the hotel. You don’t want your mom at the bar with you. Carver, Bethany, I expect you back by midnight and no you are not sneaking in with her.”

 

“Thank you so much for coming mom. I’ll meet you tomorrow at the diner and we’ll do breakfast for dinner.” Hawke said giving her mother a big hug.

 

****

 

“No more shots!” Hawke said as Isabela put another one in front of her.

 

“You’ve only had three.”

 

“I’d like them to stay inside me if you don’t mind. Give me a little more time in between these things.”

 

“Need to build up your tolerance.” Isabela said throwing back the alcohol. She drank it in one smooth motion and ran a thumb along her bottom lip for added affect.

 

“I haven’t had as much practice as you. Besides I haven’t even danced yet and my feet already feel wobbly.” Hawke said as she backed away from Isabela towards the dance floor. She had barely taken two steps back when she collided with a body behind her. She turned around quickly and saw Fenris with drink in hand. She was about to apologize when he grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor.

 

“I have learned to be wary of my drink when you are around.” He said taking her for a spin. She laughed and motioned for him to give her a taste of what was in his cup.

 

“Mmm what is that?” she asked as they continued to dance.

 

“Rum and coke, do you like it?”

 

“Its absolutely delicious and I can’t believe I’ve never had it before.”

 

“Then when this is done we’ll go to the bar and I will buy you one.”

 

“You’ve already paid for my hair; I couldn’t let you pay for my drinks too.”

 

“I know you just turned twenty one so you are unaware of the rules, but no one buys their own drinks on their birthday. To ignore those rules is tantamount to full on heresy.”

 

“Just because you’re a literature major doesn’t mean you have to sound like a smart ass all the time.”

 

“You sound like a wise ass all the time, I’m simply trying to keep up.”

 

***

 

**Bethany** _11:33am_

How hung-over are you?

 

**Hawke** _11:34am_

I’m not, Fenris kept feeding me water

 

**Bethany** _11:35am_

Can we have him around for my 21st birthday?

 

**Hawke** _11:37pm_

I’ll see what I can do.

 

***

 

Hawke walked into Lowtown diner and gave a wave to Elle and Rickard. Elle gestured towards the back and she found her family seated at a table, with one extra, her uncle Gamlen. She held back a groan and did her best to smile. She avoided seeing her uncle as often as she could. Gamlen wasn’t exactly known for being a friendly man and whenever he was around he complained about the family inheritance being left entirely to Leandra with only a monthly stipend for himself. He completely disregarded the fact that he had nearly gambled away his entire trust fund and was cut off when he invested in not one but four failed business ventures.

 

“Hello everyone, uncle Gamlen I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” She said with forced enthusiasm.

 

“Your mother insisted I come and well we have matters to discuss anyway.”

 

“Not now Gamlen. We’re celebrating your niece’s birthday.” Leandra said cutting him off.

 

“If not now when? I am tired of this Leandra. I’m paying for the upkeep on a house that isn’t even mine.”

 

“Gamlen I mean it, stop.”

 

“You haven’t even told her? Oh that is rich. I’ve been paying to maintain a home she doesn’t even know is hers?”

 

“Maintain? I saw the house Gamlen; tell me just what have you done to maintain the estate?”

 

“Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?” Hawke interjected loudly. There was a marked silence as her mother composed herself and her uncle continued to glare.

 

“The Amell house is yours Marian. It became yours when you turned twenty one. I was going to handle the paperwork and transfer responsibility for its upkeep to myself. I didn’t want you to have to worry about this until you graduated.” Her mother said quietly.

 

“Your home? The one you grew up in? Why is it mine? I never even met my grandparents, yet somehow they set up for my education to be paid for and gave me their house?”

 

“There were circumstances to their will that have been met. It’s not something we should be discussing now.”

 

“Well it’s a bit too late for that now isn’t it? So you may as well just tell me. I’d rather hear it from you.”

 

“My parents tried to get me to leave your father for quite some time. Told me they would reinstate my inheritance and help me and you in any way. I just had to divorce Malcolm. They set up their will to take care of you if that were to happen after they passed. The details only stipulated that if your father wasn’t in your life you would inherit. So when your father passed.”

 

“Everything went to me.” Hawke finished for her. “What about the twins?” she said looking towards her brother and sister, the despondent looks on their faces matched her own.

 

“I wasn’t on speaking terms with them when I found out I was pregnant with the twins. When they were born I sent them a letter, but as you know they both passed shortly after. The will was never changed to include them. Nana Hawke is the one who put aside for their education when we found out about the will. I never wanted you to know any of this. I was going to find a way to tell you about all this without you knowing the details why. It hurt me so much to keep this from you.”

 

“I should have been told. I should have been allowed to decide whether or not I wanted their filthy money. I need to go. I can’t look at you.”

 

“Marian please!” Leandra stood up but Hawke was already out the door. She didn’t know where she was headed, only that she needed to get away. She walked around for hours until she finally found herself outside his dorm. She knocked on the door and hoped desperately that he was there. She breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he answered the door.

 

“Hawke? What’s wrong?”

 

“Can we pretend that I’m not here because I’m upset? Can we just pretend that this is a normal day and we’re just hanging out? And if I stay here tonight and sleep next to you it’s not because I’m ready to break down and cry or that I’m hiding from my mother. It’s not because I’m afraid to be alone. It’s just because you’re my friend and I want to be here right now.”

 

Fenris said nothing and pulled her against him. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight. She tried her best to hold back her tears as he walked her into his room. They laid down on the bed and he held her close and let her cry until there were no more tears to shed.

 

***

 

**Merrill** _8:36pm_

Where are you? Your mother is worried

 

**Hawke** _8:57pm_

I’m fine. I just don’t want to speak to her right now. But I assure you I am safe and indoors

 

**Merrill** _8:59pm_

Are you all right? Your sister said you got some bad news? Do you want to talk about it?

 

**Hawke** _9:00pm_

No, not yet. I’ll be fine though. I’m staying where I am for the night. So don’t wait up for me

 

**Merrill** _9:_ _01pm_

Ok, tell Fenris I said hello

 

**Hawke** _9:_ _05pm_

How did you know?

 

 

**Merrill** _9:_ _06pm_

You’re upset and you’re not with me. Where else would you be?

 

**Hawke** _9:_ _07pm_

You really are my best friend

 

**Merrill** _9:_ _08pm_

And you are mine, I’m just glad he’s yours too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was writing this I asked myself why she would turn to Fenris and not Merrill. I reasoned that she knew Merrill would try to get her to talk about it. She wasn't ready for that.   
> I very much enjoy the idea of him understanding the desire to remain silent and allow your emotions a chance to recover and give yourself time to think. So he is doing that for her. Plus I wanted an excuse to get them to cuddle again, which we all know they are.   
> Hope you enjoyed this. There will be a little less angst in the next chapter (maybe)  
> To all of my commenters, you guys are wonderful really. I hope I continue to brighten your days.


	18. Chapter 18

_“You have three new voice messages. First voice message….’Marian’….message erased. Second voice message….’Marian plea….’message erased. Third voice message…’Hey, listen mom asked me to call because she says you’ll be more likely to listen to me so. Please call mom back. It’s been over a week. Just please call ok? She’s really upset. I love you.’…end of message…message erased. You have no new voice messages.”_

***

**Bethany** _12:47pm_

Are you ever going to call her back?

 

**Bethany** _12:59pm_

Now you’re ignoring me?

 

**Bethany** _1:15pm_

Seriously? Why are you letting this affect you so much?

 

***

**Carver** _2:34pm_

They’re making me text you, I don’t want to just so you know

 

**Carver** _2:45pm_

Ok really you’re going to let them drag me in too?

 

**Carver** _2:57pm_

That’s it im out, you guys can figure this out I want nothing to do with it

 

***

**Unknown** **number** _4:35pm_

So its come to this, I now have a damn cell phone. Your sister is teaching me how to text. Or more accurately your sister is typing everything I say because I don’t understand this damn thing. Call me please.

 

**Unknown** **number** _4:46pm_

Marian please, you’re breaking my heart.

 

**Marian** _4:56pm_

We’ll talk about it when I come home. Just leave me alone until then please.

 

***

**Merrill** _5:_ _07pm_

Your entire family has been texting me and calling me

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _10pm_

I’m sorry you got pulled into this

 

 

**Merrill** _5:_ _11pm_

I just wish you would tell me what happened

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _12pm_

It hurts too much right now, im sorry. I just cant talk about it.

 

**Merrill** _5:13pm_

Ok, are you in the dorm?

 

**Hawke** _5:14pm_

Yeah why?

 

**Merrill** _5:15pm_

I picked up every kind of cookie I remember you said you liked. They were selling something called ‘adult chocolate milk’ at the liquor store so I got that too. We’re going to watch every Disney movie we can find on netflix and gorge ourselves on cookies tonight

 

**Hawke** _5:17pm_

I love you, marry me, we’re moving to Orlais

 

**Merrill** _5:18pm_

Can krem come too?

 

**Hawke** _5:19pm_

Of course, though idk if he will fit in the luggage

 

***

 

“Come on Hawke only four more and you’re done.” Anders said to her as he held up a flash card for her.

 

“I’m so sick of this. Seriously I hate this class so much. None of the other chefs actually make you learn the foreign terms. But no miss fancy pants Clarel insists we learn fucking Orlesian.”

 

“It’s not so bad; she only puts about half of them on the final anyway.”

 

“Wonderful so I get to learn all hundred of these and only need to know half of them?”

 

“Hey, quit bitching and let’s get this done. I have a date and you are keeping me from it.”

 

“A date? You are going on an actual date? Not just picking some girl up for fun and fornication?”

 

Anders sighed and put the cards down. He knew she would find a way out of finishing them, and truth be told he was rather sick of studying as well.

 

“I’ll have you know I do actually go out on dates that don’t involve casual sex. Especially if I happen to like the person.”

 

“Who is it? Tell me tell me.” she said her elbows on the table with her head resting on her palms.

 

“You seriously need to get your own love life Birdie.” He said leaning back in his chair.

 

“I don’t need a love life. I live vicariously through my friend’s encounters with the same and opposite sexes depending on their mood.”

 

“It’s a he, and that’s all I am going to say about it.”

 

“Where is he from? Do I know him?”

 

“He goes to Gallows U and no.”

 

“You suck at this gossip thing you know?” she pouted.

 

“You want gossip go talk to Isabela. You want to learn your Orlesian terms then here I am. Seriously just four more.” He said holding up the cards again.

 

“Ugh fine!”

 

***

 

“Oh god yes harder.” Hawke said moaning.

 

“Like that?” Fenris asked.

 

“Mmmm yes keep doing that.” She let out a long groan and arched her back.

 

“Fuck you are tight.”

 

Hawke buried her face in the pillow and let out a cry.

 

“Ok you have got to stop making those noises.” Fenris said taking his hands off her. She let out a whine and turned to look at him.

 

“Why?”

 

“You’re on my bed wearing a tank top with no bra, I’m just trying to give you a back rub and honestly the sounds you are making are well distracting.” He said looking down at the comforter.

 

“Distracting how? Oh, oh my goodness am I turning you on Fenris?” she said sitting up.

 

“Well let’s see you’re an attractive woman making very sensual sounds while lying in my bed. I’d have to be dead to not be slightly turned on by it.”

 

“So how long has it been for you then?”

 

“Awhile.”

 

“Hmm me too. Hey we could always fix that together right?” she said with a laugh. The look of pure terror on his face however was not the reaction she had been expecting.

 

“Oh my god you ass! I was kidding. Seriously what the fuck? Am I that horrid?” she said smacking him with a pillow. She went to hit him again when he grabbed it from her with a growl.

 

“Stop that!”

 

“First tell me you don’t think I’m some hideous troll!” she said grabbing the second pillow off the bed and readying herself to swing it.

 

“Hawke damn it stop!” he said his voice rose higher than she had ever heard before. It shocked her and she fell silent. His face however was not one of anger, just confusion and a bit of sadness.

 

“I’m sorry I reacted that way. You’re very beautiful and you know that I don’t find you hideous. When I told you before that I wasn’t doing the dating thing it’s because I’ve never actually done the dating thing.”

 

“You’ve never been with anyone? At all?” Hawke could not believe what she was hearing.

 

“I’m not a virgin if that’s what you’re asking. I’ve just never really had a relationship with anyone. I never stuck around once sex happened. That was really all I cared about. So for you to suggest that well, it’s just, I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

 

“So you just had lots of causal sex and never made anything out of it?’

 

“Pretty much. I woke up one morning in this guy’s bed. I couldn’t even remember his name or if we used protection. I went to the clinic the next day, got tested. Once I found out I was clean I told myself no more. No more hopping into bed with whomever I found attractive or whoever found me attractive. It’s worked for me though. save the times when my so called best friend makes sex noises in my bed after begging me for yet another back rub.” He said smashing the pillow on top of her head. She let out a barking laugh and her hand shot out to pinch him in the side. He let out a very feminine squeak and scrambled away from her.

 

“Ooooh someone is ticklish.” She said inching her way across the bed towards him.

 

“Don’t you dare.” He said with a warning.

 

“Oh I dare.” She said lunging towards him. They rolled around on the bed each attempting to overpower the other. Hawke finally calling for a truce when Fenris managed to lock her hands with one of his own and used the other to squeeze at her hips.

"So you mentioned your epiphany happened after sleeping with a guy, are you?" Hawke asked as they lay side by side catching their breath.

"No I'm not gay if that's what you are asking. I'm bi; I've been with both many times. There's been a couple times where it was both actually." He said staring at the ceiling.

"Adventurous I see. I was just curious you know. It's not something we've ever talked about."

"And you?" He asked laying a hand over hers.

"I guess if we're being honest I'm bi too. Though I've only ever dated guys, they’ve always been easier for me to approach. I did sleep with a girl once.”

"Oh?"

"Merrill actually."

"Really? That's wow I'm looking at your friendship very differently now." He laughed as Hawke smacked him in the chest.

"Ass. It was a one time thing. We were drunk. Well actually we weren't that drunk really. Just a bit tipsy and she just kissed me out of nowhere. Started to apologize for it and well."

"I get the picture yes."

"Next morning when we woke up. Oh god we laughed so hard. She was still with Mahariel then, but they had an agreement. One Mahariel didn't stick to as you well know."

"Yes I remember. How is she? I haven't seen her since your birthday party."

"She's good. Not going on as many dates since finals are just a few weeks away. She's smart, not going to let it get in the way. Though I have it on good authority that Krem will be here for the finals party."

"So I won't have the pleasure of being sandwiched in between the two of you again?"

"Nah but you will be required to snuggle with me though. I need my Fenny Bear."

"Call me that again and I assure you there will never be snuggles or back rubs again."

"Just hearing it come out of my mouth was painful.”  She rolled over to face him and laid a hand on his stomach. “Thank you again for that night. For not trying to make me talk about it.”

He snaked his arm under her neck and pulled her onto his chest. She nuzzled against him and smiled.

“Sometimes silence is the best thing you can give someone. When they’re ready to talk about it they will. Are you?”

“No I’m not. Is that ok?”

He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his other arm around her.

“It’s always ok.”

***

“Hawke I have a huge favor to ask of you and you’re not going to like it.” Merrill said twiddling her thumbs as she stared at the floor.

“Oh? Why am I not going to like it?” Hawke asked with narrowed eyes.

“Because it involves calling your mother. I can’t stay at the dorms over the summer. I don’t have the extra funds and well. Your mother did say I was always welcome but I’d rather she know ahead of time. Also I don’t want to make that call myself and have her feel obligated.”

“If this is some underhanded attempt to get me to talk to her.”

“I swear its not. I wouldn’t do that to you. Hawke I really have nowhere to go this summer. I’ve already looked up jobs in the area online and I know which ones I can get to by bus and I might buy a bike to make things easier.”

Hawke let out a breath of air. She had a feeling she was going to end up having to talk to her mother before she went home. It was inevitable and she knew that if she showed up with Merrill and no explanation beforehand it would only cause more trouble. With resignation she pulled out her phone and dialed the number she had memorized since she was six.

“Hawke residence this is Leandra speaking.”

“Hi mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where this chapter came from. Usually I have bits and drabbles typed up and I know where in the timeframe they occur and I build the chapter around them. This one just fell into place on its own. No planning or forethought save the conversation between Hawke and Fenris about his lack of dating life.   
> I've been trying to find the modern equivalent to things that occur in the DA world and I hope I have done a decent job so far.  
> I also hope that having updates every other day doesn't build an expectation. For now this story seems to write itself, I'm waiting for the big block to happen where I spend a week having no idea what the hell to write. :)  
> Oh and the studying of Orleasian terms was very much inspired by the fact that I once had to learn over 100 French terms for culinary class. I only remember about 5 of them.


	19. Chapter 19

"Only one more final to go!" Merrill said doing a small dance in the middle of Sirens Call. It was an hour until closing and the place was empty. She and Hawke were keeping Isabela company.

"Lucky, I have two tomorrow and my baking practical on Thursday." Hawke lamented while nibbling on a cookie.

"But Friday is finals party. Its just three days away. Krem is coming and I'm so excited for him to meet everyone else."

“So you and Krem is that a permanent thing?” Isabela asked coming around from behind the counter to sweep the floor.

“I guess it is. We haven’t really set any rules, I see him when he’s in town. We text when we can. He knows I’ve seen other people besides him. If we take the next step perhaps it will become more.”

“And what step would that be?” Isabela asked with a waggle of her eyebrows.

“Into the bedroom of course. I haven’t been with anyone since the break up with Mahariel. I wouldn’t mind taking that step with Krem. If it was something he wanted.” Merrill said matter of factly. She had grown so much over the months. She had confidence in herself and everyone noticed how much happier she was.

“Tell you what; consider the dorm yours on Friday. Have fun go for it. At least someone will be getting some in that room.” Hawke said.

“Where will you go?”

“I can always crash with Fenris if worse comes to worse. He’s got a dorm to himself the lucky bastard.”

“How did he manage that?”

“Apparently on moving day his roommate walked in, took one look at him and walked out. He never saw the guy again. Waited a week to see if they would move someone else in and when they didn’t decided to just make the entire space his. They haven’t tried to move anyone else in with him either.”

“If I had been that roommate I would have taken one look at him and dropped my pants personally. I’m surprised you still haven’t.” Isabela said with a laugh.

“Not this again, you get pissed when someone asks about you and Varric. Yet you are on my case all the damn time about Fenris. Platonic friendships exist remember?”

“Varric has never looked at me with the puppy eyes the way Fenris does with you.”

“He does not look at me with puppy eyes.”

“Ummm I’m going to have to agree with Bela on this one. He does indeed look at you with puppy eyes.”

“You both are delusional. I think it’s the lack of sex Merrill is getting and the sheer amount that you get on a regular basis.” Hawke said gesturing at both of them with her cookie before popping the rest in her mouth. “I am hereby changing the subject. I am happy to announce that I found a job for the summer. There’s a restaurant in Redcliffe and they were looking for a prep cook who could also be an assistant to the pastry chef. So I get to have a head start on the baking program.”

“That’s wonderful news. I’m excited to spend the summer with you.” Merrill said with a happy clap.

"Just you wait. I'm going to show you all my old stomping grounds in Lothering. Plus I'm going to make sure we hit up Fort Drakon one weekend." Hawke said

"Oh is that the goth club you're always telling me about?"

"Yup."

"My little college girls making plans for the summer. Whatever will I do without the two of you?" Isabela said with a dramatic swoon.

"You should come down one weekend. We can make a girls night out of it." Hawke suggested.

"Yes, oh yes please Bela please say you will come down." Merrill begged wrapping her arms around Isabela and planting a kiss on her cheek.

"You keep holding onto me like that kitten I just might."

"Merrill?" The speaker was a young blonde woman who had just walked in. Merrill pulled away from Isabela rather too quickly and looked at her in shock.

"Mahariel? What are you doing here?"

"I came to find you. We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“I’m calling off the engagement. I went to your room but you weren’t there. I figured that you would most likely be here. With them.” She said gesturing to Hawke and Isabela.

"And what is that supposed to mean exactly?" Hawke asked angrily while Merrill looked down at the floor.

"I know who you are Hawke. I would have thought you would be the more likely one to swoop in. I guess the coffee slut was just quicker." Mahariel said with a sneer. Hawke was ready to jump out of her chair when Merrill's voice rang out loud and clear.

"You need to leave Mahariel. Right now actually." She said with anger in her voice.

"Merrill I'm sorry I just came to."

"To what? Beg me to forgive you? No that's not your style. You came here thinking I would be pining away for you.”

"Please just talk to me."

"So you can try to convince me that you still care? That you made a mistake and you are only now realizing it? You had your chance back in November. I told you when I left that was it."

"I wasn't thinking then. Please can we just talk without an audience? We've known each other for years Merrill. How can you turn me away now?" Her voice was desperate and she looked to be on the verge of tears.

Merrill looked to Isabela and Hawke and sighed.

"Fine, meet me outside all right.” Mahariel nodded and walked out the door, but not before giving one last glare towards Hawke.

“I’ll see you back at the dorm later tonight ok? I’m sorry for her behavior. She never was fond of the fact that I made friends without her.” Hawke watched Merrill walk out the door and turned to look at Isabela. She was rather surprised to see a smile on the others face.

"Well coffee slut is one I've never heard before. I'll have to add that to the list." She said resuming her sweeping.

"That didn't bother you at all?"

"I've been called worse darling by better than her. Besides she's spending the night begging Merrill to come back where as I have a date in Ostwick. I think I'm the happier party."

"I guess I should head back to my room and do some last minute studying before tomorrow. Have a good time Bela."

"I usually do."

***

**Hawke** _11:35pm_

Are you ok?

**Merrill** _11:37pm_

Yes, she just went home

**Hawke** _11:39pm_

Is there anything you need?

**Merrill** _11:40pm_

A hug

**Hawke** _11:41pm_

You’re getting one as soon as you come through the door.

***

Merrill was whispering something in Krem’s ear that was making him blush. Hawke had an idea of what was being discussed.

 

“Looks like I’m crashing with you tonight.” Hawke said to Fenris as they stood at the bar.

 

“Are you now?”

 

“Yup, see those two over there. I do believe Merrill has just told Krem in her own cute way that she would very much like to take him to bed.” Fenris choked on his drink and gave her a wide eyed look.

 

“Do I want to know how you know this?”

 

“Oh Fenris, have you still not learned that women share just about everything with each other. Especially when they are best friends.”

 

“Should I be worried about everything I’ve told you?” Fenris said warily. Hawke’s eyes widened and she waved her hands rapidly.

 

“Oh god no no no. Fenris no, I would never share what we’ve talked about with anyone.”

“I find myself confused by our friendship at times. I call you my best friend and you call me yours, yet Merrill is as well.” he paused when he saw the smile on her face.” When you look at me like that I feel like a child asking why the sky is blue.”

 

“It is entirely possible to have more than one best friend Fenris.”

 

“Possible for you maybe. You have a spark that draws people in like moths to a flame. As you have seen I am not quite that charming.” He said spinning his straw in his glass.

 

“I don’t think you realize just how charming you really are. You have so many wonderful qualities Fenris. You’re thoughtful, concise, and never afraid to be honest.” She put her hand under his chin so he would look her in the eyes. “I am so happy to have met you and even more happy to call you my best friend. Never forget that all right?”

 

“You know we’ve come a long way from you spilling my drink.” He said with a smile.

 

“In my defense I was shoved into you quite violently. Let’s not forget that you managed to have an entire conversation with me while being oblivious to the fact that all I had on was a towel.”

 

“A mental image I have not forgotten.”

 

Hawke was about to respond when Merrill came over to her with a giddy smile.

 

“The dorm is yours Hawke. Krem has a hotel room for the night. It seems we both had the same idea. I’m gonna get going. I’ll see you tomorrow morning right?” she didn’t wait for an answer before running off to grab Krem by the hand and drag him from the bar.

 

***

 

“Oh fuck me you have got to be kidding.” Hawke said dumping her purse out on the floor. Sure enough, no keys. They were inside the very room she was locked out of. She laughed to herself as she gathered her things back into her bag and made her way upstairs. She knocked on his door and smiled when he answered, a puzzled look on his face.

 

“So yeah, I’m locked out of my dorm. Looks like I’m crashing with you after all. I don’t have any pjs. Where do you keep your sweats?” she said walking over to his dresser and poking through the drawers.

 

“Not in that drawer.”

 

“I can see that. Oh would you look at these. So soft and silky.” She said pulling out a pair of black silk boxer shorts.

 

“Give me those.” he said as she danced away from him.

 

“I have never met a guy who wears silk boxers. These must feel so nice.”

 

He threw a t-shirt at her head and used the distraction to get his underwear back from her. She laughed pulling the shirt away from her face.

 

“What about pants?”

 

“You don’t get pants.”

 

“All right then, I suppose I deserve that.” She popped into his bathroom and stripped down to just her underwear and put on his t-shirt. It was long enough that it hung down just below her bottom.

 

“I am as modest as you are allowing me to be.” She said walking out. He was lying on the bed wearing just a pair of sweat pants.

 

“I figured since I’ve denied you bottoms I’ll be kind enough to go topless.”

 

“Its times like this I’m glad that Isabela isn’t present for the conversations that happen between us. I’m grabbing a water from your fridge do you want one?”

 

“Yeah, thanks. Dare I ask what Isabela has said now?”

 

“She keeps insisting we either are or should be involved with one another.” She said bending down to grab two waters from his mini fridge. A light chuckle behind her caused her to look behind her shoulder.

 

“Did I say something funny?”

 

“In a sense. Are you aware that it says ‘cheeky’ right across your butt?”

 

“Oh god I wore those?” she said jumping up and pulling down the t-shirt while a blush spread across her face.

 

“I do not find it surprising that you fail to notice what underwear you put on.”

 

“Should I find it surprising that you looked at my butt?”

 

“I like to read and there were words there.” He said with a sly smile. She laughed and popped into bed next to him. “Does it bother you what Isabela says?” he asked as she snuggled up next to him.

 

“It doesn’t bother me really. It’s more of an annoyance.”

 

“I enjoy your friendship very much, sometimes more than I can put into words.” Putting an arm over her shoulders.

 

“You unable to find words? I find that highly doubtful.”

 

“There was once a time in my life where I barely spoke. Finding words was a challenge. Reading them even more so. I didn’t actually become literate until I was thirteen. But once I did learn to read there wasn’t a book I wouldn’t devour. I even read the dictionary.”

 

“How many books have you read?”

 

“I’ve lost count at this point. Do you read at all?”

 

“If it has dragons in it I can guarantee I have read it.”

 

“Dragons?”

 

“I love dragons, always have. Imagine my absolute happiness when I found out they were FMU’s mascot.”

 

“Would that happiness also include a dance?”

 

“You know me so well.”

 

“In that spirit I say we watch a movie about dragons.”

 

“See this is why you are my best friend. I have snuggles and dragons. Who could ask for anything more?”

 

“Perhaps you could refrain from stealing all the blankets tonight, can I ask for that?”

 

“I can’t make any promises.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 is currently being finished and edited and may very well be up by tomorrow. :)  
> I hope you enjoyed the fluff and seeing Merrill stand up for herself and go for what makes her happy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hawke** _2:35pm_  
All right so I have some news for you and you might not like it.

**Anders** _3:_ _05pm_  
You're quitting school to become a nun?

**Hawke** _3:07pm_  
What no?!

**Anders** _3:09pm_  
Well that was the worst thing I think you could tell me so whatever you have to say can't be that bad.

**Hawke** _3:_ _10pm_  
My sister got accepted to Gallows U.

**Anders** _3:21pm_  
Oh.....

**Hawke** _3:21pm_  
Hey it will be an excuse to attend more games right? You can't let college rivalries become the whole of your existence.

**Anders** _3:42pm_  
I don't hate the entire school. Just their athletes. Stupid ass hole templars.

**Hawke** _3:41pm_  
Go dragons! The good news is my sister isn't going to be on any sports team.

**Anders** _3:34pm_  
Thank goodness for small miracles.

***  
**Mom** _2:56pm_  
Will you be home for dinner?

**Marian** _3:07pm_  
No I'm working a double.

**Mom** _3:10pm_  
Again? That's the second one in two weeks.

**Marian** _3:11pm_  
I need the experience and the money

**Mom** _3:11pm_    
the experience yes, we both know you don't need the money.

**Marian** _3:15pm_    
Don't mom, seriously do not even continue that train of thought. I don't want it and no one can make me claim it.

***  
**Fenris** _7:05pm_  
It's Wednesday and I'm sadly shopping for a single bottle of wine.

**Hawke** _7:10pm_  
Oh you do miss me!

**Fenris** _7:21pm_  
Of course I do. How is everything?

**Hawke** _7:23pm_  
All right I guess. I'm working a lot so there's that. Plus I ran into an old boyfriend and we might get together for dinner some time.

**Hawke** _8:36pm_  
I bought myself a bottle of wine too. Wanna hop on Skype with me tonight to share?

**Fenris** _9:_ _05pm_  
I picked up a shift at the diner. Another time maybe.

***  
**Isabela** _2:15pm_  
Ugh did something happen 2 Fenris that I don't know about?

**Hawke** _3:41pm_  
No why?

**Isabela** _3:42pm_  
He has been such an ass for the last few days. Grumpy as hell. Rude 2 customers.

**Hawke** _3:46pm_    
I have no idea what could have happened. Haven't spoken since Wednesday.

**Isabela** _3:50pm_    
If u can try and find out what crawled up his ass. Seriously I don't know what 2 do w/him.

***  
**Hawke** _6:36pm_  
Hey you all right?

**Fenris** _7:15pm_  
What is with everyone asking me that? I'm fine perhaps maybe it's the inane prodding that has me annoyed. Has that occurred to anyone else??

**Hawke** _7:27pm_  
Ugh sorry I asked  
***

**Isabela** _9:56pm_  
So are u ever going to admit that you're cranky b/c Hawke is back home and seeing her ex?

**Fenris** _10:_ _10pm_    
Excuse me?

**Isabela** _10:13pm_  
I just talked to her. Said she's going on a date with her ex. I'm assuming that's what set u on the train to grumpsville

**Fenris** _10:23pm_  
Ugh enough already. I'm sick of the assumption that she and I are more than what we appear to be and that is just friends.

**Isabela** _10:25pm_  
Uh huh w/e  
***

**Hawke** _12:05am_    
So listen I don't know if we're fighting or what. But i just had a really horrible night and well there's no one else for me to talk to right now. Not that I'm saying you were my last choice to text but Idk if you're mad at me and i really need a friend.

**Fenris** _12:_ _07am_    
What happened? Tell me everything

***

**Isabela** _6:30pm_  
Idk what u did but thanx

**Hawke** _6:38pm_    
What are you talking about?

**Isabela** _6:42pm_  
Fenris. He seems much better now. Did u find out what happened?

**Hawke** _6:45pm_    
No, but we talked the other night when I got home from my disaster of a date with my ex.

**Isabela** _6:47pm_    
Oh all right. I guess he sorted himself out on his own.  
***

**Bethany** _4:17pm_    
So you realize you've been home an entire month and I've seen you maybe twice?

**Hawke** _4:18pm_    
I've been busy working. So have you.

**Bethany** _4:20pm_  
I work part time 3 days a week. You work everyday and when you're not working you're never home. Do you realize that by avoiding mom you're avoiding me too?

**Hawke** _4:23pm_  
I'm not avoiding mom. I'm being an adult with responsibilities.

**Bethany** _4:27pm_    
Don't think for one minute you're fooling me with that. We both know you don't actually have to work nearly as much as you do. It's just money Marian. Why not put it to good use?

**Hawke** _5:_ _10pm_  
Because of what it means. I refuse to spend one more cent of it. I can't take back my tuition. I'll be damned if I profit from dad's death anymore than I already have.

***

**Mom** _6:_ _04pm_    
I made your favorite tonight. Will you be home for dinner?

**Marian** _6:23pm_  
Yeah but not for long. Just set me aside a plate.

**Mom** _7:30pm_

You know your father still managed to come home and spend time with his family.

 

**Marian** _8:35pm_

Yeah well that was when this family was worth spending time with

***

**Carver** _2:_ _12pm_

I need a ride to Denerim tomorrow and mom isn’t taking me out of protest

**Hawke** _2:20pm_

You are actually serious about this? You do realize this is a big commitment?

**Carver** _2:34pm_

We both know im not cut out for college. I don’t want to waste my time trying to figure out what I should do.

**Hawke** _2:36pm_

All right I’ll drive you over tomorrow

***

**Marian** _3:47pm_

Where are my car keys???

**Marian** _3:50pm_

I’m not kidding mom, where the hell are my car keys!!??

**Marian** _4:00pm_

Is this because I drove carver to the recruitment office? Are you seriously punishing me for supporting his decision???

**Marian** _4:10pm_

Damn it mom wtf!!!!

 

 

**Mom** _4:35pm_

I hid your keys because I am tired of you acting like a rebellious teenager instead of an adult. Your room is atrocious, there are cigarette butts all over my back yard, and you do nothing but work and come home and avoid me. You want to act like a child again I am going to treat you like one.

***

**Merrill** _6:56pm_

Hawke needs you. Something is going on between her and her mom and I’m stuck in the middle. Can you come down here and maybe see if you can help. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

***

Hawke sat in the back yard staring out at nothing. Dozer sat beside her and would occasionally let out a whine and she would pet him. Her mother still hadn’t returned her car keys. She let out a silent curse and began cleaning up the cigarette butts that she had managed to litter the back yard with. It hadn’t been intentional at first. She had made herself a little ashtray to use, but once it had gotten full she neglected to clean it. Not that she had done such a thing on purpose to irritate her mother.

Nor had she purposely allowed her room to become a waste heap of dirty clothing and unopened mail. The constant stream of notices from her grandparent’s attorney in regards to her signing papers. No she had just simply been too busy to open them and make the necessary phone calls.

She needed to work all those extra hours. The experience alone would be a great benefit. Even though half the extra shifts she picked up were as a server, busser, and once even as a dishwasher. But no one needed to know that she was taking on as much work as her boss would allow her within a week.

It seemed she was being punished by everyone around her for her actions over the last month. Her mother took her keys; her boss made her take three days off, and now Merrill and Bethany had gone off to the mall and didn’t invite her to join. Carver was busy with getting ready for his entry tests for the Ferelden Army. All she had was her thoughts; even Dozer had grown tired of her melancholy and went off to find some warm corner of the house to sleep in.

 

 

 

**Fenris** _2:36pm_

You seem sad

**Hawke** _2:39pm_

What gave you that idea?

**Fenris** _2:40pm_

The fact that you are alone in the backyard smoking a cigarette with that incredibly depressed look on your face

She looked around and there he was on the back steps. Sunglasses pushed up on his forehead with a backpack slung over his shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” she said standing up from her chair.

“I guess I just got the feeling that you could use some company.”

“Merrill?”

“Indeed.”

The tears came before she even knew they were there. She ran to him and he locked her into a hug. Her words babbled out and he couldn’t understand half of what she was saying to him.

“I’m such an asshole. I drove everyone away and now you’re here. Oh god how much did the train cost you? You shouldn’t have to spend your money to come fix me.”

“I came because my best friend’s best friend told me she needed me. I refuse to allow you to attach a price to that.”

“I can’t keep holding this in. it hurts so much and I thought if I just ignored it that it would go away. But it just keeps eating apart my insides.”

“I know that’s what it does. Are you ready to talk then?”

“If it’s with you then yes, oh god yes I’m ready to talk.”

“Good, but first something to help loosen the tongue.” He pulled a bottle out of his back pack and two plastic travel mugs.

“You brought the agregio? That’s supposed to be a special occasion wine Fenris.”

He looked at her but said nothing as he sat down at the patio table. He poured out the wine and lit two cigarettes, she took one and sat down in the other chair, and resting her elbows on the table she took a drag and then a large sip of wine.

“So remember how I said my parents had to elope right after my mother graduated? Well that was just the beginning of the story.”

***

**Merrill** _5:45pm_

*image sent*

**Isabela** _5:57pm_

R they holding hands?

**Merrill** _6:_ _01pm_

Yeah, its really sweet. They’ve been back there talking for hours.

**Isabela** _6:_ _03pm_

U did good kitten.

**Merrill** _6:_ _05pm_

You know its funny. It doesn’t even bother me that I couldn’t help. I’m just happy to finally see her smile again.

**Isabela** _6:_ _07pm_

Its nice 2 C him smile again 2. U cannot imagine just how grumpy he has been.

**Merrill** _6:_ _09pm_

If it was anything like how she was then trust me I can imagine.

**Isabela** _6:_ _11pm_

Im not even goin 2 try and point this 1 out 2 them. Eventually they’ll figure it out.

**Merrill** _6:13pm_

I think they already have. They just see it differently than we do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the last chapter until after the holidays.   
> Thank you again as always for the comments and the support. I still can't believe how much attention this fic has gotten. You all make me so incredibly happy.


	21. Chapter 21

**Fenris** _12:_ _04pm_

I am going to ask you this question only once and if you mock me I swear I will stay home.

 

**Hawke** _12:_ _05pm_

Ok mentally preparing myself

 

**Fenris** _12:_ _07pm_

You’re already mocking me aren’t you?

 

**Hawke** _12:_ _09pm_

No…….

 

**Fenris** _12:_ _11pm_

What do I wear?

 

**Hawke** _12:13pm_

Lol, everything you own is black so first step is taken care of.

 

**Fenris** _12:15pm_

You don’t only wear black

 

**Hawke** _12:17pm_

My level of gothiness is not the subject of this conversation. Wear pants that are comfortable to dance in, boots that you don’t mind getting stuff spilled on and I suggest a tank top under a button up. Wear that pin stripe one you have, the colors are very flattering.

 

**Fenris** _12:19pm_

That’s my job interview shirt, you want me to wear one of my nicest shirts to a goth club?

 

**Hawke** _12:21pm_

I wear my best clothes to the goth club, you can survive wearing yours.

***

 

**Hawke** _1:30pm_

What do you mean you’re not coming??? We’ve been planning this for weeks!

 

**Anders** _1:32pm_

I have an interview on Monday with the head chef of Le Masque du Lion. I cant waste time going out dancing.

 

**Hawke** _1:35pm_

You’re not graduating until next year, you can take a weekend off.

 

 

**Anders** _1:39pm_

i don’t think you realize just how important this is to me.

 

**Hawke** _1:42pm_

I just miss you ok? I was really looking forward to all of us being together and now its not going to be the same.

 

**Anders** _1:57pm_

If I didn’t know any better I’d think you missed me for other reasons

 

**Hawke** _1:59pm_

That is so typical of you to use flirting to stop me from being mad at you

 

**Anders** _2:_ _01pm_

It worked didn’t it?

 

**Hawke** _2:_ _03pm_

I’m not giving you the satisfaction of an answer

 

**Anders** _2:_ _05pm_

I love you too birdie.

 

***

 

“There is no way I am spending the entire car ride down there in the back seat.” Fenris said with his arms folded staring at Isabela and Varric as they sat in her little two door coupe. Isabela had tried to argue that as her best friend Varric had permanent shotgun rights. Fenris argued that the length of his legs compared to Varric's outweighed the length of their friendship.

 

“You know Bela he’s got a point.” Varric said stepping out of the car.

 

“I know he does, I was just trying to see what he would be willing to do to get the front seat. You had to go and ruin it by being chivalrous.” Isabela said with a huff as Fenris got into her car. He grunted when his knees crashed into his chest and Varric laughed while he fumbled to adjust the seat.

 

“Fenhedis how short are you?” he said when he finally got the seat pushed back enough that he could feel his ankles again.

 

“Was that a curse word?” Varric asked, his attention peaked.

 

“Yes, it’s Tevene. I lapse into it occasionally.” Fenris replied with hesitance.

 

“Tell you what Broody, you keep giving me more of those and I’ll see about getting this one off your back a little more.”

 

“Broody?”

 

“Ah looks like you’ve got a new name. Don’t try to get him to change it either. Once Varric has picked a name for you there’s no getting out of it.” Isabela said as she started her car up and got them on the road.

 

“Make friends they said, it will be good for you they said.” Fenris said sarcastically with the hint of a smile on his face.

 

***

**Hawke** _5:16pm_

Where are you????

 

**Fenris** _5:18pm_

GPS says one more hour

 

**Hawke** _5:20pm_

Yay!!!

 

**Fenris** _5:23pm_

You talked to your mother? She knows we’re staying over?

 

**Hawke** _5:25pm_

Ugh yes, its all squared away.

 

**Fenris** _5:30pm_

What about the other thing?

 

**Hawke** _5:32pm_

We talked about that too. I signed for everything, its all mine. I don’t know what im going to do with it, but it belongs to me.

 

**Fenris** _5:33pm_

I’m proud of you. I know how hard this was. See you soon ok?

 

***

Leandra opened the front door when she heard their car pull into the driveway. She greeted them each with a smile and a hug as she welcomed them inside. Isabela made her way up to Hawke’s room to get changed. Fenris heard her yell something t him but couldn’t make out the words. Leandra laughed and shook her head. He walked up to the bottom of the stairs leading to Hawke’s room.

 

“My hearing is superb but even I can’t make out conversation from three floors down.” he said.

 

“We need a bit more time to get ready.” Hawke yelled down.

 

“How are you still not ready? You knew when we would be getting here.” Fenris yelled up to her.

 

“Beauty takes time Fenris, you don’t rush a masterpiece.”

 

“At the risk of Isabela making yet another asinine comment about our relationship let me just say I’m sure you looked beautiful before you even started putting make up on.” The only answer he got was a trio of feminine giggles and he rolled his eyes and made his way back downstairs. He found Leandra in the kitchen with Varric and she passed him a glass of iced tea.

 

“Thank you is it always like this with women?” he said to Varric.

 

“You mean to tell me you never showed up for a date and had to wait another twenty minutes because she didn’t want her clothes to clash with yours?” Varric asked.

 

“I’ve never actually been on a date.”

 

“Lucky, no offense Mrs. Hawke, but women are sometimes more trouble than they are worth.”

 

“No offense taken Mr. Tethras, I can assure you it often feels the same way on the other side of the spectrum.” Leandra said with a laugh.

 

“Mom I’m heading out and I’m staying the night with Marina.” Bethany said walking into the kitchen. She blushed when Fenris gave her a smile.

 

“You’re not going with your sister? You always said once you were old enough you wanted to go.”

 

“I don’t think Marian wants me to go with her. She’s got her friends and I doubt she’s interested in baby sitting me all night.”

 

“Did you think to ask her?”

 

“Just drop it mom, I’ll see you when I get home tomorrow.” Bethany said with a hint of an attitude as she waltzed out the door.

 

“Gentlemen word of advice, don’t ever think for one minute you will ever understand your children. Because they will constantly show you how much you don’t.”

 

They heard the thundering of footsteps coming down the stairs and Varric let out a long whistle as Isabela walked into the room. She wore a skin tight black dress with black leather boots, her thick wavy hair piled into a flowing ponytail. She smiled and did a slow twirl for added affect. Merrill popped her head in the doorway and needed to be coaxed by Isabela to walk completely into the room. She wore a black baby doll dress and her hair had been styled into two very tiny pigtails on top of her head.

 

“You look adorable Merrill, absolutely adorable.” Leandra said pulling her into a hug.

 

“That’s the problem isn’t it? I always look adorable. Isabela throws on a dress and looks like a femme fatale. I put on a dress and I look like I belong on the shelf in a toy store.”

 

“Last I checked you got three text messages all saying how great you looked from a certain admirer?” Isabela said putting an arm around her.

 

“He did say I looked beautiful.” Merrill said with a blush.

 

“And you do, now give mama a kiss.” Isabela said puckering up her lips and making smacking noises until Merrill giggled and slipped out of her grasp. Hawke waltzed into the room and Fenris choked on his iced tea at the sight of her.

 

She wore knee high buckled boots with a black and white plaid skirt. A low cut black top that hung off one shoulder made her skin even more pale than usual. Her hair was styled to fan out around her face and her bright blue eyes were lined in black with a white shimmer over her lids. He caught Isabela smirking at him gaping and coughed softly as he tore his gaze away from her.

 

“Marian is that my lipstick?” Leandra asked and Hawke pursed her lips in tight trying to hide the bright red evidence.

 

“It might be.” She said shyly

 

“It works for you, I’ll have to remember to buy you your own.”

 

Hawke smiled at her mother and caught Fenris watching them with a satisfied smile. He had helped reconcile them in the only way he knew how. By letting her vent to him and get everything out she was able to be more open with her mother and find a compromise between them. Peace had settled in the Hawke house, at least between mother and daughter. There seemed be still be some lingering issues between the sisters but Fenris knew he was not the one to assist with that.

 

They piled into Hawke’s car but their enthusiasm was cut short by the sudden sound of her engine refusing to turn over. Hawke tried several times and finally accepted the fact that her old car was on its final legs.

 

“Damn it all to hell!” she said pounding a fist into the steering wheel.

“We’ll just call a cab.” Isabela offered.

 

“It’s at least a ninety minute drive, there’s no cab around here that would even consider making that trip.”

 

“Ninety minutes? How do you live out here? Everything in Kirkwall is minutes away.” Isabela exclaimed.

 

“Welcome to the suburbs.” Hawke said with a sigh as she stepped out of her car. She was considering her options when her mother walked out and handed her the keys to the family mini van.

 

“I know it’s not the most stylish of transports, but you’ll all be able to fit comfortably.” Her words were cut off from the intense hug she received from her daughter. She laughed softly and shook her head. “Go have fun. Whoever is driving home had better be sober you hear?”

 

“Love you mom.” Hawke said as they piled into the van and took off.

 

***

 

“ID’s please.” The bouncer asked at the door.

 

“Bull is that you?” Merrill said excitedly.

 

“Pixie! What brings you out here?” Bull pulled her into a hug that lifted her up in the air, she laughed as he set her down.

 

“You remember Hawke, she lives over in Lothering. I’ve been staying with her for the summer. This is her favorite club.”

 

“Hello Bull, you’re the bouncer here?” Hawke said handing over her ID.

 

“For the summer yeah. Also I’m not the bouncer I’m head of the ‘Complaint Department’.” He checked their cards and gave them bracelets indicating they were old enough to drink.

 

“Do you get many complaints?”

 

“Not since I started.” He said with a grin. “By the way Pixie, Krem’s gonna be taking a few jobs near Kirkwall over the fall. He doesn’t know it yet, so leave it a surprise.”

 

“But Krem said he wouldn’t know where he was for the rest of the year until you got the client information…oh. Oh you are just the sweetest.” She said giving him one last hug before heading inside.

 

“Who is DJ Nuematic?” Hawke asked looking at the flyer for the night’s event.

 

“Local kid plays a mean set. He’ll be on the main floor around midnight. You dance?”

 

“You bet your ass I do.”

 

They spent an hour or so in the clubs downstairs lounge area having drinks and listening to low key music. Hawke pulled Isabela and Merrill onto the small dance floor with her for a few songs here and there. Fenris and Varric were content to remain seated and no amount of encouragement would sway them. Shortly before midnight Hawke made her way upstairs and Fenris followed.

 

Hawke saying she danced was an underestimation in Fenris’s opinion. He stood at the bar and watched her as she moved. She seemed to know every song that played and as each one transitioned into the other the smile on her face grew. The music took on a heavier pace and she eventually stepped off the floor and made her way to where he was standing.

 

“Fenris have you been sitting at the bar the entire time?” Hawke asked breathlessly while motioning for the bartender.

 

“No I have walked around some and listened to the music in the other room. I don’t think I have heard even half of it before.”

 

“Water please. You should come dance with me. So much more fun on the floor.”

 

“I am unfamiliar with how to dance to this sort of music.”

 

“Oh it’s easy once you find the beat I promise you.” she said popping open the bottle of water and chugging half of it in one shot. “It’s really not that different from dancing at the Hanged Man, just maybe a little faster.”

 

“I’ve watched you out there. Your whole body moves with the music.”

 

“That’s because I know this music and have danced to it quite often. The first time I came here I had no idea what I was doing. I watched how other people moved and waited for a song I liked and got my ass out there.”

 

“You make it sound so easy.”

 

“Once I finish this water you are coming out there with me. We’ll wait for a song that I really love and I’ll put you through the motions.”

 

“Drink slowly” she laughed and made a show of taking small sips from her bottle. She bumped her hip into his with the beat of the song and he responded in kind. Moving herself to stand with her back to him, she moved from one foot to the other showing him how she kept time with the beat. He mirrored her movements and put a hand on her hip so she could guide him.

 

“Oh I love this song. Come on you, I’m not taking no for an answer.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the floor. She put his hand on her hip and pulled him close.

 

“Let me lead and I promise you’ll have this in no time.”

 

He stumbled a bit and stepped on her toes a few times. She laughed it off every time and continued to move his body with hers. The beat would intensify as each song transitioned to the other but she never moved away from him. Even when the others around them seemed to be riled into a frenzy over a song she kept them close to the edges of the dance floor away from the flailing limbs of everyone else. The bass line of the music got heavier and she quickened their pace, but he found himself able to read her movements and mirrored her steps.

 

The music, the lights, and her body close to his were intoxicating. He felt drunk on the sensation and couldn’t help the smile that wouldn’t leave his face. She would catch him looking at her through half lidded eyes and would smile back at him. When the lights came on telling them the club was closing he was surprisingly sad and wished for just one more hour with her.

 

His sadness was soon forgotten as they both ended up passed out together in the back seat of the van. Varric took the keys and got them back on the road to Lothering. Merrill giggled at the light snoring coming from the bask seat.

 

“I’m surprised they didn’t fall asleep as soon as the music stopped. They were on the floor for hours.”

 

“Did you see them though? It was like watching foreplay. His hands on her and the way her hips grinded up on him. Do you think maybe they’re having us on and have been involved this whole time?” Isabela said.

 

“Doubtful, no kissing what so ever. The chemistry between those two though, all its gonna take is one kiss and boom.” Varric answered.

 

“One kiss really?” Merrill asked curiously.

 

“I’ve written my fair share of love stories so I have an idea of how it goes. You can’t ignore it forever, one day they’ll be in a position where it just happens. There’s no way they can go the rest of their lives without it happening.”

 

“So just one perfect moment then?”

 

“That’s all it takes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I thought this chapter would take a little longer but my dear skype friends, Broody, Ranna, and Emma all gave me some great tips and inspiration so a special thanks to them for helping speed along this chapter.  
> So bit of backstory, I frequent a goth club and up until I got old and broken I was going every weekend. I absolutely adore the music and even met my husband there. DJ Nuematic is a friend of mine and dj'd a set at my wedding as a gift. So I gave him a little cameo and if you'd like I'm attaching the link to his soundcloud of the set from my wedding. I listened to it in order to build up the scene with Hawke teaching Fenris to dance.  
> enjoy :)  
> https://soundcloud.com/nuematic/nuematic-live-at-my-friends-wedding


	22. Chapter 22

“Pancakes!” Leandra’s voice rang out through the house. Hawke tumbled out of bed and followed the smells down into the kitchen. She could hear Varric’s booming laugh from the top of the stairs.

 

“So then my editor says ‘You can’t just kill off your secondary character because he’s boring you.’ and I said ‘Yes I can, I brought him into this world and I will remove him if I damn well please.’”

 

Everyone laughed and Hawke gave a small wave and walked mindlessly over to the coffee maker. She poured herself a cup and added her cream and sugar. Taking her first sips she smiled and turned back around to go sit at the table. She was broken from her caffeine reverie by Isabela snickering.

 

“What?” she asked looking at the bemused expressions of everyone.

 

“Forget to do something last night?” Isabela asked with a smirk.

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about. I came home got in my jammies and.” She thought for a moment and then remembered where she had gone the night before. “I look like a raccoon don’t I?”

 

“More like a panda, but its cute, should try it as your new look.” Fenris said chuckling quietly.

 

“Chef Panda, here for your entertainment.”

 

“Would you like a minute to wash all that off before breakfast?” her mother asked.

 

“I don’t have nearly enough coffee in me to care about how I look right now.”

 

“All right then.”

 

“If anyone so much as touches their phone I will drown it in syrup do not think I am kidding.” Hawke warned as she piled her plate with pancakes and proceeded to cover them in butter and syrup. They ate in silence save for the occasional sound of contentment and praise for Leandra’s cooking.

 

“Well now that I have all of you here, I have a small surprise and I was hoping to have the chance to share it with all of you as well.” Leandra said once their plates were clear. Hawke gave her a questioning look but said nothing.

 

“Do you remember when we used to go to Lake Calenhad for a week before school started? Well I booked a cabin there for the last week and a half of your break and I’d hate to see so much room go to waste. I thought perhaps everyone would like to join us.”

 

“Mom we haven't been there since dad died.”

“I know, and I regret that very much. We should have spent more time remembering the joy we had with your father and I am now looking to make more happy memories there.”

 

“Staying in a cabin on a lake, chances for bonfires and barbecue? Sounds like the perfect vacation to me. I’m in and allow me to cover most of the food; you’ve already covered the roof.” Varric said and Isabela nodded in agreement. Merrill clapped her hands enthusiastically and Fenris seemed to be in deep thought.

 

“Oh come on, you mean to tell me you’re gonna say no?” Hawke asked.

 

He smiled at her and shook his head. “And deny Merrill the chance to ask me to go swimming?” Merrill blushed and brought a hand to her face.

 

“You told him that?” she squeaked. Fenris let out a barking laugh and ruffled the top of her head.

 

“You wouldn’t be the first and trust me I have been asked in much worse ways. I think I can take the time off, that is if my boss will let me.” he said looking to Isabela.

 

“Your boss is more than happy to give you the time off, since I won’t be there anyway. Be a good chance to see if my new assistant manager can actually handle the place. If it goes up in flames I’m blaming you though Hawke.”

 

***

**Hawke** _11:_ _07am_

Isabela has orders to haul you away if you try to say no.

 

**Anders** _11:_ _10am_

She’d have to find me first.

 

**Hawke** _11:_ _12am_

Oh yes because no one would think to check the school kitchens for the workaholic.

 

**Anders** _11:14am_

I’m not always there. I work as well you know.

 

**Hawke** _11:15am_

Where? You have yet to share that with anyone.

 

**Anders** _11:17am_

I like having some secrets

 

**Hawke** _11:20am_

Fine keep your little secret, though i'm sure I can put Isabela up to finding out

 

***

**Isabela** _2:45pm_

Speedos?

 

**Fenris** _2:47pm_

No

 

**Isabela** _2:49pm_

Banana hammock?

 

**Fenris** _2:54pm_

No

 

**Isabela** _2:56pm_

Monokini?

 

**Fenris** _3:_ _01pm_

I just looked it up, hell no!

 

**Isabela** _3:_ _03pm_

Ugh ur gonna be boring n wear board shorts aren’t u?

 

**Fenris** _3:_ _04pm_

Boring and comfortable

 

***

 

**Fenris** _4:45pm_

We’re on our way, Isabela took forever to finish packing. She’s brought enough clothes for a month long trip

 

**Hawke** _4:47pm_

And this is odd because?

 

**Fenris** _4:49pm_

I sometimes forget you’re a girl too

 

**Hawke** _4:51pm_

I resent the suggestion that only women pack too much clothing

 

**Fenris** _4:53pm_

Show me one that doesn’t or show me a guy that does

 

**Hawke** _4:57pm_

Challenge accepted

*image sent*

 

**Fenris** _5:_ _01pm_

Anders?

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _03pm_

How did you know?

 

**Fenris** _5:_ _05pm_

I’ve never seen him wear the same thing in a two week span, it is hardly shocking

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _07pm_

I find it both intriguing and frightening that you pay that much attention to peoples clothing

 

**Fenris** _5:_ _09pm_

You’d be amazed at what I notice about your eating habits

 

***

 

“Holy shit you really can do that.” Hawke said in amazement staring at the egg lying on the pavement. The heat had cooked it almost through. Anders stood with a smug smile on his face and the others watched in astonishment.

 

“Are you kidding me? The two of you are professionally trained and you’re wasting food cooking it on concrete?” Leandra said coming out of the cabin to give them all an admonishing look.

 

“Look at this though mom. Tell me this is not the most eggscelent thing you have ever seen?”

 

“You are so your fathers daughter.” She said throwing her hands in the air and going back inside.

 

“And proud if it!” Hawke yelled back to her. “I think we should probably clean this up before she comes back out with a broom, oh god too late run!”

 

***

 

“How much sunscreen do you honestly need?” Isabela asked seeing the giant bottle Hawke had pulled out. Hawke wore a modest red bikini and was already covering herself in globs of lotion.

 

“Ferelden skin burns like an egg on the sidewalk.” She said winking at Merrill. “If I don’t put this all over me I will be as red as a tomato, and quite grouchy.”

 

“I’m going to need some too. I might have been raised in the Free Marches but I was born Ferelden.” Merrill was in a green one piece and set about covering herself as well.

 

“Pasty skin for the win!” Hawke said giving her a high five. Isabela shook her head and stripped off her sarong to reveal a white string bikini that didn’t leave much to the imagination.

 

“Ladies, does anyone need assistance I have magic fingers that will ensure not a single spot is missed.” Anders yelled out walking down to the beach, he wore blue and white striped swim trunks, the scars on his knees just covered by the fabric. Fenris walked beside him in black board shorts. His hair was pulled up into a bun and he laughed when he caught Merrill staring at him open mouthed.

 

“I beg to differ Anders; no ones fingers are quite as magical as Fenris’s.” Hawke said without thinking and blushed when she caught everyone giving her salacious looks. “Get your head out of the gutters people; I’m talking about back rubs.”

 

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Anders said laughing.

 

“Just for that comment you don’t get to help. Fenris would you mind?” she said handing him the bottle and turning her back to him.

 

“Not at all.” He said smirking at Anders. Merrill was still staring at him and it took Isabela running a hand in front of her face to snap her out of it.

 

“Is your butt tattooed too?” she asked and proceeded to bury her face in her hands at the laughter her question brought forth. Fenris leaned over and whispered something in her ear which made her blush even more.

 

“Marian where is your sister?” Leandra asked as she and Varric came towards them carrying beach chairs.

 

“I have no idea; she and Marina ran off after breakfast.”

 

“You really should spend some time with her and Carver this week.”

 

“Are you saying the same things to her? Because I haven’t had any trouble spending time with Carver, he’s literally walking down right now. Besides she invited one friend and has spent the entire time with just her. I invited four of mine and still manage to spend time with you and Carver, who may I add didn’t invite anyone.”

 

“I’m not trying to cause an argument but you are the oldest, it’s up to you to keep the ties bonded between you. Besides your brother only wanted to invite Peaches and I was not having a repeat of Thanksgiving.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.” She was about to ask Varric if he was planning on going swimming when suddenly she was in the air and thrown over her brothers shoulder. “Carver don’t you even think of it! Carver!” She pounded her fists on his back as he took off with her down to the docks. Her screams were cut off as he took a flying leap with her in his arms. They plunged into the cold waters and she pushed herself away from him and up to the surface. He bobbed in the water laughing at her as she sputtered trying to catch her breath.

 

“I hate you so much!” she said splashing water at his face.

 

“You just hate that I got bigger than you. Remember all the times you used to do that to me? Revenge is a dish best served once you’re taller than your big sister.”

 

***

 

“Hey Bethy, did you know there’s a carnival in town this weekend?” Hawke asked her sister over breakfast. They were the only ones awake and Bethany had been sullen ever since Marina left the day before. Hawke saw it as an opportunity to maybe reconcile the bond with her sister.

 

“Yeah I saw the posters.” She answered not looking up from her bowl of cereal.

 

“We should go, all of us. It will be fun.”

 

“You want me to come with you? You’re not just gonna leave me with Carver and mom?”

 

“I wouldn’t have suggested going if I didn’t want you to come along. Beth I don’t want us to go off to college with this wall between us. You’re literally going to be in the same city as me. If we don’t fix whatever this is now, the closeness wont matter.”

 

“You don’t even realize what you did to me do you? You put up the wall Marian. When you came home and decided to actively avoid being in the house. I felt like you abandoned me.”

 

“I’m sorry, I was angry and I never should have taken it out on you. I shouldn’t have taken it out on anyone but hind sight is always clearer. Give me the chance to make it up to you.”

 

“You know we won’t be able to get together every day like you can with Merrill and the rest of them. Gallows U is still a good thirty minutes away. It’s not like I’m going to be having coffee with you every morning.”

 

“I’m well aware of the distance and have already looked up the bus routes. We’ll find the time to spend together and you’ll be amazed at how quickly the first semester flies by.”

 

“I’m nervous though, what if I’m picking the wrong thing for myself. I love art, but do I really want to go to school for it?”

 

“Gallows has plenty of other degrees and who knows maybe after the first semester you will realize that one of them is your actual calling. Look at me; I went into college saying I was going to be a chef. Now I get the joy of doing a complete overhaul of my planned courses by changing my focus to baking. Anders wasn’t even in the culinary program his first semester and now he’s having interviews with chefs from Orlais. Don’t ever think that your first choice has to be your only choice.”

 

“I missed this. I missed having you talk to me and guide me. Why did we wait until we had less than a week to finally talk again?”

 

“Because you are both Hawkes and thus you are incredibly stubborn.” Their mother said coming into the kitchen. Her girls looked at one another and laughed in agreement. “Well that’s a start”, Leandra thought to herself and found an excuse to be out the room to leave her daughters to their reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So special shout out again to the lovely RannaDylin. I asked for fun stuff to do in the summer and she gave me so many good ideas this chapter needed to be split into a second so I could write more. She is also responsible for the egg pun.  
> I hope you are still enjoying this and I look forward to writing the carnival scene. Also Tiff, your prompt is very likely to show up at the end of the next chapter. Thank you again for that.


	23. Chapter 23

Merrill sat the little rifle down and let out a sigh. The tiny target in front of her showing only three holes plugged through the red star.

 

“Would you like to try again miss?” the game barker asked.

 

“I don’t think so. Shooting at targets isn’t really my strong suit.”

 

“Hey now, no one’s allowed to be sad at the carnival. What’s got you down?” Varric asked walking over to her.

 

“I was trying to win a daisy crown but as you can see I’m not very good.” She bemoaned pointing to her miserable target.

 

“Oh ho, a damsel in distress. This looks like a job for the greatest marksman in Thedas.” Varric announced planting money down on the counter and holding up the rifle. He looked down the scope for a minute then positioned the rifle near his hip.

 

“Uh sir, I wouldn’t recommend holding it like that. It will throw off your aim.”

 

“Watch the master and learn.” He fired off ten shots and when he was done planted the butt of the gun on the ground and shot the man a smug smile.

 

“I do believe the lady requested the daisy crown.” He said holding his hand out for the prize. He reached up and placed it on top of Merrill’s head. “A daisy crown for my Daisy.”

 

“Daisy, is that my new name now?” Merrill said smiling.

 

“Yes, bright and happy, it suits you my dear.”

 

***

 

**Isabela** _1:_ _05pm_

I’m stuck in the hall of mirrors

 

**Anders** _1:_ _07pm_

Stopped to admire the view?

 

**Isabela** _1:_ _10pm_

Possibly, can u blame me?

 

**Anders** _1:_ _11pm_

Not at all, what do I get for rescuing you?

 

**Isabela** _1:13pm_

Come and find out

***

 

**Mom** _2:_ _12pm_

Where is your brother?

 

**Marian** _2:14pm_

Probably still trying to win Bethany that toy from the crane game

 

**Mom** _2:17pm_

Found him and no that’s not where he was

 

**Marian** _2:20pm_

If you say he was in line at the kissing booth I’m going to hurl

 

**Mom** _2:24pm_

No, your sister dared him to ride the tilt a whirl 3 times, so he’s the one hurling actually

 

***

 

They were standing together eating ice cream. Fenris was laughing at something Hawke said. She was doing more talking than eating and the cone was melting in her hand. Fenris pointed it out to her and she began to quickly lick up the excess. Merrill watched them intently; she had been watching them quite often. Varric had said the perfect moment was all they needed and she wanted desperately for that moment to happen for her friends.

 

Fenris brought a hand up to Hawke’s chin; some ice cream had dribbled down and he was smiling as he wiped it away. His thumb ran over her bottom lip and Merrill felt her breath catch. They looked at each other and smiled. Merrill let out a sigh and shook her head.

 

“What’s up kitten?” Isabela asked, handing her a pretzel.

 

“I thought I was watching the perfect moment, but it didn’t happen.” She said taking a bite and sighing wistfully to herself. Isabela shrugged her shoulders and figured it was just a Merrill musing she didn’t quite understand.

 

***

 

They stood in line for the ferris wheel and discussed plans for the next day. Isabela stated that the last day of summer required a bonfire on the beach. Varric seconded her idea and added that they should barbecue as well.

 

“We have had barbecue almost every night.” Anders commented.

 

“Yes but what haven’t we barbecued yet? Everyone knows on the last day you eat it, drink it, or burn it. So I say we break out everything and see what tastes good cooked over open flame.”

 

“You do realize I am a professionally trained cook. I could always tell you what would and wouldn’t taste good.”

 

“So typical of you professional types to take all the fun out of the experiments.”

 

“Fine then, we’ll do it your way.”

 

“We usually do.” Isabela said with a laugh.

 

Hawke and Bethany stood together making plans for how to get together in Kirkwall. Carver was telling Merrill about his training regimen and wasn’t shy about showing the muscles he was building. Fenris stood in silence and watched them. He enjoyed that, a moment to take in all he had and appreciate it. He was deep in his reverie when Merrill suddenly brushed past him and gently pushed Hawke to the side.

 

“I’m riding with Bethany!” she said grabbing Beth’s hand and climbing into the seat with her. Hawke shook her head and turned to her brother only to see him being pushed towards the next car by Anders.

 

“I told Carver I’d give him some training tips for how to not strain his legs.” Isabela and Varric followed arm in arm and Hawke looked to see Fenris chuckling quietly.

 

“So you and me then?”

 

“Indeed.”

 

They climbed into the car and when it moved forward Hawke grabbed his arm momentarily.

 

“Are you all right?” he asked.

 

“Yeah I just get a tiny bit nervous once the ride starts up you know? I love the hell out of them but it’s the sudden movement that gets me.” she said, removing her hand from his arm and placing her hands awkwardly between her knees. He leaned back and said nothing as the wheel began to rotate.

 

They could hear the rest of the group chatting with one another. Bits and pieces of everyone’s conversations all melded together as they sat in comfortable silence as the wheel made its rotations.

 

“You’re quiet.” Fenris said looking over at her.

 

“I’m thoughtful.”

 

“Yes, but usually those thoughts come streaming out as you think them.”

 

She laughed but her laughter was soon cut short as the wheel made a sudden stop with them at the very top. Hawke grabbed his arm again and sucked in a tight breath.

 

“I hate when they do that. At least slow the thing down first before you start letting people off. Why do people even go on these things? It’s just going around in circles and then you sit and wait to be let off and on.”

 

“I take it there are other rides you would prefer more?”

 

“Yeah, like the carousel or the tilt a whirl. Take me to a big theme park and I will ride every roller coaster until my hair looks as though I went through a wind tunnel. But this, I generally tend to avoid this. Have we been stopped long? It seems like longer than normal it doesn’t take this long to let people off. Why are we still stopped?”

 

Her voice had taken on a panicked tone and he could see her hands were shaking. He braved a look over the side to see if there was any indication of a break down but she hauled him back.

 

“Don’t look over! You’ll offset the balance and we’ll topple over.”

 

“Hawke, I highly doubt me looking over will upset the gravity of this machine enough to send us down. Hawke, you need to breathe.” He began to worry for her. She was breathing in short bursts and clenched at the bar in front of them. He thought she was likely to hyperventilate if she continued as she was.

 

“Hawke, look at me. No, don’t look anywhere else ok? Just look into my eyes and breathe. Breathe with me Hawke, come on. Feel my breath on your lips, and do the same.” He brought his hands to her face and wiped the tears away from her petrified eyes; the calluses on his thumbs felt rough on her skin. He moved his lips close to hers so she could feel him. He breathed in and out until she followed suit and he felt her breath against his, he could smell the light scent of the cotton candy she had eaten before hand. He felt her pulse against his fingers as it began to slow as she breathed evenly again. The ferris wheel suddenly lurched and she was pushed forward into him, her lips brushing against the corner of his mouth. Her eyes widened and she pulled away from him slowly as he lowered his hands from her face. They both looked at each other, unsure of what to say as the car descended.

 

“Well that was.” He said as his voice trailed off.

 

“Embarrassing.” She said in a clipped tone.

 

“Hey, no don’t be embarrassed of that. Everyone has something that frightens them.”

“Have you ever had a meltdown on a carnival ride?”

 

“No, but I used to have panic attacks when I was in the back seat of a car. Especially if it came to a sudden stop. So we all have something that scares us.”

 

She smiled but said nothing. When the ride controller released the safety bar he got out and offered her his hand. She took it gladly and descended the ramp with him.

 

“Thank you.” she said quietly and he squeezed her hand back in response.

 

***

 

Hawke woke with the sun the last morning. She sat out on the deck watching the sky turn into a rainbow of color.

 

“When did you become an early riser?” Fenris asked her as he joined her out on the deck.

 

“I always like to be up early when the day is special. Snow days as you might remember; now I want to savor every minute of the last day of summer. Well the last day of summer for me.”

 

“Not looking forward to going back to classes then?”

 

“I love school and I love Kirkwall. But Ferelden is my home and this place has always been a happy one for me. I hate leaving it. So I will enjoy the last hours I have here.”

 

“Shall I leave you to it then? Or do you enjoy my company enough to allow me to share the moment with you?”

 

“I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to that.” She said leaning her head against his shoulder. She entwined her arm with his and linked their fingers together. Leandra watched them from the kitchen with a knowing smile.

 

***

 

They had brought every blanket they could find in the cabin out to the beach. Anders and Fenris set up the fire pit and ignored Leandra’s comments about the ever growing pile of wood.

 

“It just seems a bit large.” She said apprehensively.

 

Anders and Fenris both assured they knew what they were doing and Hawke distracted her mother by asking her for help with bringing snacks out to the beach. When they returned the boys had a roaring fire and even Leandra was impressed by it. They sat around the fire sharing stories of summers past and roasting every single last food item they could find in the cabin.

 

Fenris produced a bottle of his precious Agregio stash and he shared with Hawke as they sat together watching the fire. When the bottle was finished she settled herself down with her head resting in his lap looking into the flames.

 

“Looking forward to your last two semesters Fenris?” Anders asked sitting down beside him.

 

“Yes and no, I remember when I took my first online class. I was so overwhelmed by everything in front of me. I thought it would take me years to ever finish. Now I only have one more.”

 

“It’s strange isn’t it? My first year I didn’t even have a major picked out. Coach wanted me to focus on the game, said I could pick a major next year. So I just took basic classes. That first culinary class though, as soon as it was over I knew it was for me.”

 

“I had a literature course that felt like that. When you do online classes you can be anywhere you want to be. I was in Rivain waiting for a bus to take me to Lomeryn. Opened up the syllabus and realized that I had already read every book we would be discussing. I suddenly felt as if my entire life had been built up to that point. I started looking into universities and making inquiries as to which one would accept all my credits.”

 

“So that’s how we got the pleasure of your company. College is a crazy place. What about you Hawke, which class did it for you.” her lack of response brought their attention to the fact that she had fallen asleep.

 

“She was up with the sun this morning. It is no surprise to see her asleep now.” Fenris said shifting himself gently so as not to disturb her. He looked out to the rest of the group gathered around the fire. Isabela and Varric were sharing a bottle of whiskey and she was laughing as he did a dramatic retelling of a very enthusiastic fans reaction to seeing him in a bookshop in Orlais. Merrill and Bethany were deep in discussion but he could not hear much of what they were saying. Carver and Anders had begun to discuss sports and Fenris was not one to have much to say on that matter. There was movement in his lap and he looked down to see that Hawke and rolled onto her back.

 

Her face stared up at him though her eyes were still closed in sleep. It was amazing to see her so still. Her hair had fallen over her face, the back and blue darkening her pale skin. The urge to reach out and touch it overcame him. It felt so soft and he let his fingers glide down her cheek. Her face was smooth; he had so rarely touched anything other than her hands. Chef hands, she often lamented, callused and rough from burns and cuts. But now he felt the soft creaminess of her face and marveled again at her stillness. Hawke was never anything less than a blur, always in motion. He took a moment to appreciate the line of her jaw. Her thick eyelashes resting against the tops of her cheeks. She murmured something and her eyes opened slowly. He looked into the deep pools of blue ice and felt a sudden jolt in his gut. He wasn’t sure how long they looked into each others eyes but soon she smiled at him gave him a gentle poke on the tip of his nose.

 

“I think I might be ready for bed.” She said and slowly got up. She said good night to everyone and he watched her walk away, feeling wistful at the loss of her presence. He looked back into the flames and could not shake the feeling that had struck him looking into her eyes.

 

“Well shit.” He said silently to himself, he was falling for his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiff I hope it was everything you hoped for.  
> As always my wonderful skype group, I couldn't do this without you guys and your wonderful prompts and suggestions.  
> Enjoy and please comment :)
> 
> Find me on tumblr  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/quinnlocke


	24. Chapter 24

**Bethany** _12:35pm_

I hate my roommate!

 

**Hawke** _12:56pm_

What did she do?

 

**Bethany** _1:34pm_

She keeps trying to change the layout of the room. says it needs better flow and focus. She asked if we could push our beds together!

 

**Hawke** _1:52pm_

Eesh, ummm you could always try to apply for a new one. Might get lucky like I did.

 

**Bethany** _2:23pm_

Just promise me that we can get together some time this week

 

 

***

 

**Hawke**   _2:35pm_

I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to be a baker anymore. I want to be a wizard.

 

**Fenris**   _2:46pm_

A wizard?

 

**Hawke**   _2:49pm_

Yes a wizard or a witch. Sorceress, mage, enchantress any form of magical being will be fine

 

**Fenris**   _2:51pm_

How bad is your class schedule?

 

**Hawke**   _2:53pm_

Let’s just say wine Wednesdays are now a permanent requirement of our friendship

 

**Fenris**   _2:55pm_

No complaints here.

 

He stared at the last message he sent her and let out a deep sigh. He had done his best to avoid her without it becoming obvious. What happened to the carefree ways in which they had interacted? Why couldn’t he just go back to the way things were?

 

Because his feelings had changed. It was a statement he had tried desperately to not make. To deny it though was impossible. The way she had looked at him that night was a memory he could not erase, and he knew he would never want to.

 

 

***

 

“So in the end if I was to have magic powers I would only use them for good.” She said as she lay on his bed, one leg folded over the other and her hands gesturing towards the ceiling.

 

“So you don’t think having that power would corrupt you?” he asked as she sat next to her, protecting the bottle of wine from her rapid movements.

 

“No never, I would have a healthy amount of respect for my powers and understand that I must control them not let them control me.”

 

“So you would be a good witch?”

 

“I would be a very good witch.”

 

He laughed and got up to walk over to his laptop and powered it up. She rolled over onto her stomach and took a swig of wine.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“You reminded me of a song. I don’t know the name of the artist so I’m looking up the lyrics.”

 

“Awww I made you think of a song? Is it a song about a witch being benevolent to all her subjects and only threatening once in awhile to break out the flying monkeys?”

 

“Not quite, but it is about magic.” He opened the media player and pressed play. The first notes of music began and Hawke loved it immediately. She bobbed her head to the beat and smiled when she heard the singer’s voice begin. Fenris stood up and extended his hand out to her. She laughed and rolled off the bed to join him. They danced to the song and she stumbled in her tipsy haze.

 

“Either I am very drunk or you are getting better at dancing.”

 

“I was always good at dancing, just not always very good at dancing with you. Hard to keep up with someone whose entire body moves with the music.”

 

“That almost sounds like a compliment.”

 

“It very much is.”

 

“I love these lyrics. One journey for you but it’s worth it, one night here with me and it's magic.” She sang along as the chorus repeated. “What is the name of the artist?”

 

“I was hoping you would ask that. Her name is Ladyhawke.” He said with a smile as his hand ghosted against her lower back. She tipped her head back with laughter and when the song ended she slumped against him.

 

“You are magic Fenris.” she said softly and he hugged her close trying desperately to ignore the ache in his gut that told him over and over again he wanted more.

 

“Mmmm hey I just remembered you have a birthday coming up.” She said suddenly pulling away from him to plop back down on the bed.

 

“There is no need to acknowledge it. I rarely do myself.”

 

“What? No no no, I will not hear of such nonsense. It doesn’t have to be anything big, we can go to dinner with everyone or.” She was cut off by him putting a finger over her lips. It lingered there for a moment and he thought for a second she might kiss it, and then he thought of what he would do if she did. He coughed for a moment and she invited him to speak.

 

“I grew up in foster care as you well know. My birthday was never really celebrated, it was acknowledged I might get a treat of some kind, but rarely was there a celebration. But the next day was Halloween, something all the kids could participate in. so for me Halloween became the day I loved and looked forward to. Even now it’s my favorite holiday.”

 

“So what can I do to make your Halloween special then?” she asked with a tilt to her head.

 

“You made last years pretty special. You don’t need to do anything for me Hawke. Your friendship really has truly been more than enough.”

 

“Let’s do a couple’s costume. You and me, it will be fun. What were you thinking of doing this year?”

 

“I haven’t been able to take the time to think this year actually. Normally I know in August what I want to do and I’ve already started making parts of it.”

 

“I bet we could do something and get everyone else to join in on the theme. Would that be something suitable to make your Halloween a special one?”

 

“That would be wonderful. Still doesn’t give us any sort of idea of what to do.”

 

Hawke put a hand on her chin and mimicked being in deep thought. He had to laugh at her sitting there with a wine bottle just casually hanging from her other hand. She would suddenly lift it in the air in triumph only to drop it back down as every idea she had was weighed in her mind. Suddenly she turned to him with a cheeky grin and he felt for a moment he was scared to hear what her idea was.

“Movie monsters, we can all be movie monsters it will be awesome. Merrill can totally help with makeup she’s amazing at it. Oh oh oh you and me Fenris, a vampire and his bride, wouldn’t that be awesome? You would make an amazing vampire and I’ll find a vintage dress we’ll look so cool! What do you say Fen, can I be your bride?”

 

“I would be happy to have you as my bride.” He said, feeling the weight of his words on his heart.

***

**Hawke (Group Text)** _8:34pm_

Halloween, movie monsters pick a costume! Fen and I are going as vampires.

 

**Merrill** _8:46pm_

I want to be a mummy!!

 

**Isabela** _8:59pm_

Varric and I call Frankenstein and bride!

 

**Anders** _9:15pm_

I am going as a werecat, don’t try to talk me out of it!

 

**Hawke** _9:22pm_

Seriously?

 

**Anders** _9:34pm_

I like cats….

 

**Isabela** _9:47pm_

This is the part where I make an inappropriate joke right?

 

**Merrill** _9:55pm_

What is inappropriate about cats?

 

**Hawke** _9:57pm_

Don’t tell her, let her come to it on her own.

 

**Merrill** _10:_ _12pm_

Oh! Isabela that’s dirty!!!

 

***

 

“Oh my god Fenris, look at this monstrosity.” Hawke said holding up what was apparently a dress but seemed to be made entirely out of ruffles.

 

“How would you even wear that?” he asked looking for any evidence of arm or head holes.

 

“I have no idea; have you found anything for yourself?”

 

“There was a smoking jacket I noticed, but the arms were too short.”

 

“What era are we going for though? I mean maybe you should look from an older time period than me. Something refined and elegant.” She mused.

 

“I am not dressing like a character from an Austen novel.”

 

“You’re no fun.” She said with a pout.

“What about this dress?” he said, handing it to her. The dress was ivory, yellowed in some places, covered in a decorative lace. She studied it for a moment before taking it from him and walking off towards the dressing rooms. She signaled for an attendant and he sat down waiting for her to come out. The attendant came out and shot him a wink before walking away.

 

He felt his breath catch when she stepped out of the dressing room. The ivory lace of the dress hugged her every curve. Her neck and shoulders on full display with just the slightest dip over the top of her cleavage. She looked every inch a bride and he felt for a moment he would give anything to be her groom. He was thankful for the fact that he was sitting because he might very well have tripped over his own feet as well as his words.

 

“How does it look? Too much? I should try something simpler on right? This is just too much for Halloween.” She said running her hands nervously over the fabric.

 

“No it’s perfect, you look perfect.” He said stammering. She blushed and smiled at him before looking down at the ground.

 

“All right then, I’ll get it. Its so sad to think that this was the dress someone wore on the happiest day of their lives and now its gone yellow and will be used as a Halloween costume.”

 

“So it gets a second chance, I think that’s a wonderful thing.”

 

“I guess you’re right. Here take a picture of me; I want to scare the hell out of my mom.” She said and did a small pose for him. He used his phone and took two pictures, one of her in the dress and another of just her face. He saved the last one for himself.

 

“Where did the attendant go?” she said looking around for the woman who had helped her into the dress. “Shit I can’t get out of this thing on my own; I barely got into it by myself.”

 

“Would you like me to help?” he asked, swallowing his words at the end. He was already enamored seeing her in it and now he was offering to remove it. She nodded and he followed her back to the little dressing room. She turned her back to him and he saw a trail of small buttons go from her mid back all the way down to the top of her behind.

 

“How do you even work these infernal things?” he asked, starting from the bottom so as to avoid touching her skin. His fingers fumbling with each one. When he reached the middle his finger tips just grazed the top of the dress and he saw her skin break out into goose bumps as she shuddered at this touch. He dared to run his finger up her spine as he undid the very last button. The dress came away and she pulled it tight to her chest and looked over her shoulder at him. She had no idea the amount of self control he was exerting to not bury his face into her neck and slip his hands down the front of her dress.

 

“Thank you.” she said and he stumbled back and slumped into the chair he had been sitting in when she first came out. He felt his heart racing and knew he was doomed. Silently he berated himself for the desires he was feeling. She was his best friend and so far as he knew that was forbidden territory. You weren’t supposed to think of doing those sorts of things to your best friend. Even if her skin was soft and supple, her lips full and inviting, and her eyes just begging to be drowned in. He squeezed his hands into fists and hoped the pain would be enough to snap him out of the fantasy.

 

***

 

**Hawke** _5:24pm_

*image sent*

I have some news for you

 

**Mom** _5:45pm_

Tell Fenris I’m happy to have him as a son in law

 

**Hawke** _6:_ _12pm_

Oh jeez mom, you were supposed to freak out and tell me I’m too young to be settling down. What makes you think I would be running off with Fenris?

 

**Mom** _6:23pm_

Pregnant with you at 18, who am I to judge? Darling, everyone else sees it, why haven’t you?

 

**Hawke** _6:34pm_

I do see it, but he doesn’t feel that way about me mom. Trust me, we’re really just friends. No matter how much I might want it to be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say I can't stop writing about these two. Hope you enjoyed the ever growing tension that is arsing. Just wait until Halloween when they'll be taking pictures, because you can't do a vampire picture without *ahem* a neck bite ;)
> 
> Thanks as always to my skype group and to broodywolf for being my beta.
> 
> I hope everyone had a very Happy New Year.


	25. Chapter 25

**Fenris** _3:32pm_

Are you busy tonight?

 

**Hawke** _3:35pm_

I’m never too busy for you. what’s up?

 

**Fenris** _3:37pm_

Its going to sound weird

 

**Hawke** _3:39pm_

Oh now I have to know

 

**Fenris** _3:40pm_

Meet me at the chantry right before sundown

 

***

 

“If you brought me here to talk about religion I’m out.” She said as she walked up to him. He laughed and she saw that he was carrying a large back pack and a cooler. She gestured to them and gave him a questioning look.

 

“It seems I have to write a poem. Professor Harellan insists we learn to describe the world around us through poetry. This poem needs to be about the sky, the sky as it goes from dusk to night particularly. I thought maybe you’d like to join me while I stare at it and figure out how to bullshit my way through this one. I brought wine.”

 

“How are we going to get up there?” she said looking up at the high bell tower of the chantry.

 

“Special permission slip. I have access all night long if I want.”

 

“And do you intend to keep me up there all night long?” she said with a giggle that turned to a full laugh as he blushed. “You used to be so good at flirting with me what happened?”

 

“Sometimes you still catch me off guard is all.” He said quickly, hoping to avoid deepening that conversation. He was still trying to shake away the feelings he had developed for her over the summer. Avoiding her would only bring attention to the situation. So instead he tortured himself endlessly with her presence.

 

They climbed up the ladder to the bell tower and he removed a quilt from his backpack. She popped open the cooler and opened the bottle of wine he brought and poured out two cups.

 

“So the floor here is a little narrow. I don’t think we’ll be able to lie side by side up here.” She said looking at their surroundings. The found a compromise in lying with their heads next to each other with their bodies in opposite directions. The sun began to set and it cast a glow over them.

 

“This is actually really cool you know?” she said turning her head towards him.

 

“Yeah it is. Though I doubt I will be able to find the words the professor is looking for. Didn’t I say I was done with poetry?”

 

“Ha ha yeah you did.”

 

“Oh night sky with your rainbow of gold, what secrets do you hold within?”

 

“Hark there lies the horizon, see how it calls to you.”

 

“It calls to me and says I need more wine.”

 

She laughed and watched the suns rays color his face. The light caught in his eyes for a moment and she saw flashes of gold.

 

“Hey did you know you have these little gold flecks in your eyes?” she said and he turned to look at her.

 

“Gold flecks?”

 

“Yeah all around your pupil, it’s really pretty. I like your eyes; did I ever tell you that?”

 

He smiled and did his best to not blush again.

 

“I like yours too. Glaciers on the open water.”

 

“They’re my dads you know. Well not his eyes, but the same color. What about you?”

 

“I don’t remember my parents much, least of all their eyes.” He said looking away from her. His body language suggesting it was not a subject he wanted to talk about. She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead and he sighed at the sensation. There would come a day when he was ready to share all that, and he knew she would be there for him. That in itself was a greater comfort than any he had known in a long time. He gave her a kiss on the cheek in return.

 

“Thank you Hawke. For all of this, everything.”

 

“That’s what friends are for.”

 

***

 

“I’m returning your sky poems and let me say that I have been studying literature for years. I have read all the greats and I have read the mediocre. So there for I can tell when someone is bullshitting their way through an assignment. So should you be wondering why you received a low grade, ask yourself if you perhaps deserved it.” Professor Harellan said as he handed back their papers. He handed Fenris’s paper to him and gestured to the note at the top.

 

‘B+ see me after class.’

 

Fenris did his best to not groan out loud. He had spent hours poring over the damn poem. Making sure he actually put effort into it. He liked Professor Harellan, he loved books and his appreciation for them was evident in all of his teachings. He once taught an entire class speaking only in Iambic Pentameter and gave bonus points to anyone who could respond in kind.

 

“You wanted to see me sir?” Fenris asked once everyone had departed the room.

 

“Yes Fenris, I wanted to talk to you about this poem. It’s wonderful, but I think you might have forgotten the subject matter. I asked for you to describe the sky and from what I can see reading this it seems you have described a person. A woman in fact.”

 

“I don’t understand, I thought I was pretty clear with my words.”

 

“Either way this is phenomenal work. In fact I find you to be one of the most engaging students in my classes. You have a passion for this and it’s wonderful to see. Keep this up and you may be the top in the class.”

 

***

 

Hawke and Bethany sat in Sirens Call discussing their classes. Bethany was not enjoying college as much as she had hoped and Hawke let her vent.

 

“So the professor tells me that I need to forget everything I ever thought I knew about art. Because I am an unlearned amateur who needs her guidance. Its art history for god’s sake and she acts as if no one in the class has ever even read a book in their lives.”

 

“I had a professor like that, he taught ‘Food and Culture’, told me I knew nothing of Ferelden cuisine even though I lived there my whole life. He also would go on for hours about the plight of the lower class in Orlais, almost every single class.”

 

“So tell me what are we doing far Halloween, I haven’t even thought of a costume.”

 

Hawke felt her shoulders slump as the realization came to her.

 

“You already made plans didn’t you?” said Bethany with a sad look in her eyes.

 

“Beth I’m so sorry, it’s just we always go to the Hanged Man.”

 

“Twenty one and over I assume.” Bethany said folding her arms, anger quickly overcoming her sadness.

 

“Yeah, I wasn’t even supposed to be able to get in last year but that was before the crack down.”

 

“How quickly you forget me, even when I’m right here with you.”

 

“It’s not like that I swear. I was talking to Fenris and I wanted to give him a special Halloween.”

 

“So you forgot me in favor of the guy who isn’t even dating you? You forgot me for the guy you have hopelessly attached yourself to without any hope of a relationship.”

 

“That’s not fair, I have a relationship with Fenris and you know that.”

 

“Not the one you want though.”

 

“That is besides the point and not the subject of this conversation. This is about you being mad at me for forgetting about you and I said I was sorry. I was going to see if we can work something out and do something in the early evening before hand.”

 

“You know what Marian, I don’t care. I’m sure there is some ridiculous frat party I can attend at Gallows. I hear the Templars always throw the best parties.”

 

“Bethany stay away from those guys. Didn’t Anders talk to you about this already?”

 

“You think I can’t watch myself around a bunch of frat boys? I’m not some delicate little flower you have to shield from the wind and rain. I’m almost nineteen years old and more than capable of entertaining myself. Which you already knew considering you didn’t even think to remember me when making plans.”

 

“Beth.” She said trying to stop the argument from getting worse.

 

“I have to go. I’ve got a paper to write. Thanks for the coffee I’ll text you later this week.”

 

She got up and left without even bothering to give her a hug. Hawke slumped in her seat and did her best to not go running out after her sister. She knew when to give space, even when it hurt. She would just have to find a way to make this up to her, in any way possible.

 

***

 

“Anders hold still or this thing is going into your eye!” Merrill said her voice rose higher than was her usual. Anders had proven to be a fidgeter and Merrill kept having to fix every smudge on his face when he would crinkle his nose or twitch his mouth. “Honestly Isabela and Hawke both managed to hold still long enough for me to at least put the base coat on.”

 

“I don’t like sitting in one place. I get nervous and then.” He was silenced by Isabela popping a lollipop in his mouth. She was already dressed with full make up on. It had taken her and Merrill the better part of two hours to get all her hair styled but it was a success and she kept admiring the extreme updo every time she passed a mirror.

 

“That should shut him up and maybe get him to hold still.” Isabela said ignoring the glare from Anders. “Keep it up cookie and I’ll find something less appetizing to occupy your mouth.”

 

“Thank you Bela, is Varric on his way? I’m going to need a bit of time to get him done up.”

 

“Breathe Kitten; we still have a few hours until its time to go. Besides we need to wrap you up like a great big spooky present.”

 

Merrill had spent the entire month of October cutting old sheets into strips and dip dyeing them in tea. The dorm room still smelled like Earl Grey but neither she nor Hawke had cause for complaint.

 

“All right someone needs to button me into this thing.” Hawke yelled from the bedroom.

 

“I will be more than happy to get you into and out of that dress Hawke.” Isabela said as she sauntered into the bedroom. Hawke had the dress pulled up and Isabela let out a pout at having missed the show.

 

“You couldn’t at least give me a peek?”

 

“What and spoil your imagination? I know you’ve thought of me naked at least once.”

 

“Once, darling I thought of you naked the first time I met you. I do that with everyone.” She said as she did up the buttons on the dress. Hawke sighed but there was laughter in it.

 

“How are we doing your hair? Oooh will you let me style it into finger waves? You’d look so gorgeous with them.” They were distracted by sudden raucous laughter from the dining room.

 

“Shut up Varric! You’re going to make him move!” Merrill yelled.

 

“He looks like an extra from Cats!”

 

“I was busy and this was the only costume they had left when I got there!” Anders voice rang out. “Ouch what the hell Merrill?”

 

“I warned you that it was gonna end up in your eye.”

 

***

 

Fenris stood outside Isabela’s apartment hesitant to even knock on the door. Just remembering what she looked like in that dress made him want to run. He had hoped time would allow him to move past his feelings but fate was a cruel thing. The more time he spent with her the more they grew, and yet even the time he spent away from her did nothing to settle them either.

 

He shifted several times, beginning to regret the decision to wear leather pants. In lieu of deciding on one era for his costume he thought to take from all time periods and look as though he were an old vampire borrowing the trends from his favorite time periods. Thus he found himself in leather pants, a while silk shirt that he left unbuttoned all the way to his navel and a black trench coat with a Victorian air. Years ago he would not have thought to leave so much of himself exposed. But the years of had been good to him and he was struck with a sense of confidence in himself he was still surprised to have found.

 

He rang the doorbell and prepared for the emotional onslaught of the night. Merrill opened the door and he found himself chuckling at her appearance. She was wrapped entirely in browned cloth and had bits hanging off here and there. Her head was wrapped haphazardly and her hair poked out in places giving her the appearance of the world’s most adorable mummy.

 

“You didn’t go for scary?” he asked walking into the living room.

 

“I am learning to embrace my adorableness. Plus it’s hard to kiss when you’re wearing too much make up.” She said with a grin.

 

“Ah then I can only assume Krem will be there tonight.”

 

‘Yes he will, found out he could make it at the last minute and told me he would dress up as my tomb raider.”

 

“You’ll make an excellent pair. My god Anders what the hell are you supposed to be?” Fenris said looking at the overly large cat man drinking wine in Isabela’s kitchen.

 

“I am a were cat damn it.”

 

“He looks like an extra from Cats. Please tell me you agree with this statement.’ Varric said walking over to shake his hand. He looked exactly like Frankenstein’s monster, only about three feet shorter than the original.

 

“I am going to have to agree. You need to add something to that.”

 

“Ugh here, I have an old letterman jacket from high school you can be ‘teen kitty’.” Isabela said throwing the blue and yellow jacket at him. She flashed Fenris a smile and he was quite impressed with her costume, her white dress managed to be immodest while still covering most of her body and Merrill had done a phenomenal job of painting a white lightning bolt into her hair.

 

“Who is Zev?” Anders said looking at the name stitched on the front.

 

“Someone very special so don’t you dare mess that jacket up.” She said sternly and Anders gave her a solemn salute in reply.

 

“Fenris we need to do something with that hair.” Isabela said walking over to run her fingers through the white locks. He had blow dried it and let it hang loose, this was apparently not good enough.

 

“I did Hawke’s hair in finger waves. You should let me curl yours. We’ll tie it back and let it hang down in loose curls. You’ll look absolutely stunning.”

 

“Stunning wasn’t exactly the look I was going for?”

 

“That was your first mistake.” She said trying to push him towards the bathroom.

 

“It’s very hard to take you seriously in that get up.” He said with a chuckle.

 

“No sassing my bride Broody, off to the bathroom to be coiffed.” Varric said giving him a swat on the back.

 

He let Isabela lead him to the bathroom and was stopped in his tracks by the appearance of Hawke coming out. She had powdered her face to make her pale skin nearly ethereal. Her eyes were lined in black with just a sweep of dark shadow over the top and her lips were a bright blood red that had him feeling weak in the knees. She smiled and he saw the fangs she had custom ordered in place. Yet somehow they did nothing to diminish her loveliness.

 

“At long last my groom has arrived. I thought I might wait an eternity for you.” she said giving him a hug.

 

“I would never make you wait that long.” He whispered into her shoulder.

 

***

 

“We need to take pictures.” Isabela said pulling out her digital camera after they had gotten settled in at the bar. They posed in various shots together before she insisted on doing singles and a few paired pictures.

 

“Fenris I have got to get a picture of you and Hawke. Do a pose where you’re about to bite her neck.”

 

Hawke felt her knees go weak as Fenris leaned her down into position. He held her at an angle as he cradled her neck in his arm. She could feel his breath ghosting along her neck and it took all she had not to tremble.

 

“Oh come on that is weak. You’ve got the fangs put them on her neck.” Isabela said and Fenris gave her a glare but complied. His lips parted and he rested the tips of his fangs against her neck. Her eyes fluttered for a moment and she felt breathless. His lips touched against her neck ever so slightly when he pulled away and she felt her legs give out. He grabbed onto her quickly and for a moment they just stared at each other before the camera flash snapped them back to reality.

 

“That last one is a keeper let me tell you.” Isabela said with a wink.

 

***

 

“We’re ready to announce the winners of this years costume contest!” said the announcer over the speakers. Hawke and Fenris stood at the bar and rolled their eyes. They hadn’t even bothered to enter.

 

“You see it all the time with these contests. The really good stuff gets overlooked and some girl in her underwear wins. I went to an Alice in Wonderland party, dressed like the Mad Hatter; I went all out on this thing. Didn’t even place third and the winner was some girl in a playboy bunny costume who just happened to attach a wristwatch to her corset.”

 

“Tell me you have some pictures. Of you damn it not her!” he said laughing when she smacked him in the arm.

 

“You better have meant me you ass.” She said rubbing his arm where she had struck him.

 

“And first place in the couple’s category goes to Hawke and Fenris as the vampire bride and groom!”

 

“Fenhedis.” He muttered.

 

“Isabela.” She said with a moan as they walked towards the stage to accept their prize. Dinner for two at Wonders of Thedas. Another excuse for them to be alone, how wonderful she thinks to herself. Because there’s just not enough tension for her as it is.

 

Her hopes of an early escape are thwarted by a very enthusiastic photographer. He insists on multiple shots of them and with the other winners as well. What follows is what feels like agonizing hours of posing with Fenris. Each one bringing them closer and closer together. Him holding her in his arms. Them locked in an embrace. Yet another damn picture of him with his mouth right on her neck. When the photographer suggested a picture of them kissing his immediate refusal felt like a punch to her stomach. She did all she could to get away as quickly as possible.

 

This cigarette feels too damn good she thought to herself when she finally managed to get outside. This is what makes quitting so hard. The cold air cools her heated body down and she tries to think of anything but him. How did this happen? A year ago she was ready to have a fling with the first handsome stranger she met. Instead she met Fenris, and what had started as a wonderful friendship had turned into an ache she couldn’t let go of.

 

“Thought I would find you out here.” He said coming to stand next to her.

 

“You know me.” she said in a clipped voice.

 

“Are you all right? Did something happen?”

 

“You know I get it that you don’t do the whole dating thing and that we’re friends. But do you have any idea how much it hurts when your best friend acts like kissing you might be the worst thing in the world?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Back in there when the photographer suggested a picture of us kissing. Did you even hear how quickly you said no. like it was the last thing in the world you would ever want to do? I’m not saying you should want to kiss me, but at least have the decency to not act like it would be such a terrible thing!” she said looking at him angrily, though her eyes gave away the hurt she was feeling.

 

“I said no because I thought you would be against it too. Are you saying you want to kiss me and have it be some posed picture for whatever he was taking them for?” he replied defensively.

 

“No, but at least I would have the decency to say it in a way that doesn’t make it seem like I’m horrified at the idea.”

 

“That is not how I meant it.”

 

“So it’s my fault then for feeling that way?”

 

“That’s not what I am saying either. Why are you twisting my words?”

 

“Just forget it all right? Blame it on the alcohol or the fact that I feel hot as hell in this thing.”

 

“You want me to just forget that I walked out here to check on you and you blasted me with accusations?”

 

“Ugh you are impossible you know that!”

 

“I’m impossible? You are the one who.” His words were cut off when she grabbed him and planted a hard kiss on his lips. He growled and pulled her in tight forcing her to prolong it. But she pressed her hands to his chest and pushed him away from her.

 

“There, was that so damn horrible?” she asked with more pain than anger in her voice.

 

“Hawke.” He said reproachfully.

 

“Like I said, just forget it all right?”

 

She walked away and did her best to hold back her tears. That wasn’t supposed to happen and despite the fact the she had told him to forget it, she knew that she would never be able to forget the feeling that had been his lips on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you didnt see that coming? Or did you? I know quite a few people didn't.  
> I had a plan in place. A glorious plan, but then those two idiots got into a fight in my head and the only logical conclusion of the fight is what you have seen written.   
> For those who read the last chapter you might have noticed a sudden break where the narrative suddenly shifted to a whole new location. My fault, i accidentally cut out half the narrative when I sent it out for beta and had to go back and fix it. So hopefully you got a chance to go back and read the edited work.  
> As always thank you for the comments and kudos, you are all amazing.
> 
> Special shout out to Glyph and Emma, they helped me along with the ending.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hawke (Group Text)** _12:34pm_

Girls night tonight, no boys allowed

 

**Isabela** _12:36pm_

I’m in, where to?

 

**Hawke** _12:40pm_

Your place all right? Beth can’t drink yet.

 

**Bethany** _12:42pm_

I can drink.

 

**Hawke** _12:45pm_

Not in a bar you can’t.

 

**Merrill** _12:47pm_

When did that stop us?

 

**Hawke** _12:49pm_

Idk what you are talking about Merrill, we never went to a bar when we were under 21.

 

**Merrill** _12:55pm_

Oh right of course, we were upstanding citizens never once did anything untoward or illegal

 

**Bethany** _12:58pm_

I’m going to pretend to believe that

 

***

 

**Anders** _3:56pm_

You and me, bar?

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _05pm_

Why?

 

**Anders** _4:_ _09pm_

I can think of several reasons, do you need me to list why we should be drinking?

 

**Fenris** _4:13pm_

If this is some sort of attempt to weedle information out of me….

 

**Anders** _4:17pm_

Yes that’s right, I’m going to bash you with a pokemon until you spill everything.

 

 

**Fenris** _4:20pm_

You knew exactly what I meant

 

**Anders** _4:22pm_

Lit major my ass. Come on though you’ve known me long enough to know that’s not who I am.

 

**Fenris** _4:32pm_

All right I’ll meet you in an hour

 

 

***

 

“I am enacting one rule and one rule only, no talking about men tonight. Seriously any other subject is fine. But I am establishing a moratorium on men.” Hawke declared.

 

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Isabela asked.

 

“Nothing I just have no desire to think or speak of men at all in any way shape or form.”

 

“Does this have anything to do with?” Merrill started.

 

“Moratorium on men!” Hawke said a little too loudly.

 

“All right then, so who wants what to drink?” Isabela asked stopping the conversation quickly.

 

“Anything but wine.” Hawke answered, oblivious to the look Merrill and Isabela shared with one another.

 

***

 

“Beer and a burger please.” Anders told the waitress.

 

“Rum and coke and I’ll have the burger as well.” Fenris seconded handing his menu off.

 

“No wine?”

 

“Not tonight no.”

 

“So taking any good classes this semester?”

 

“You suck at small talk.”

 

“Only because I’m not trying to get into your pants.”

 

“What am I not your type?”

 

“You could be, if you weren’t already completely head over heels for my Birdie.”

 

***

 

“And then the professor tells me that I could not have possibly been top of my class with the skills I am showing.” Bethany said with a morose tone. Hawke and Merrill both gave her consoling pats on the shoulder.

 

“That’s why I got so mad when I found out about Halloween. I didn’t think college was going to be like this. I’m not enjoying any of my classes. My roommate is a nut case and really things just weren’t going so well for me until well Halloween actually.”

 

“What happened on Halloween?” Hawke asked.

 

“I met someone. It’s nothing really and well you did declare a moratorium on men so I’ll leave it at that.”

 

“Are you kidding me? Moratorium needs to be lifted, I need gossip. Hawke your baby sister met her first college boy. Surely we can talk about men for just a little while.” Isabela said enthusiastically.

 

Hawke sighed and gave her sister a smile.

 

“All right, spill it; make sure to describe him down to the last detail. I need to know who to kill when he breaks your heart.”

 

***

 

“I thought you said you weren’t the sort to pry information?” Fenris said with a bitter tone.

 

‘I’m not prying. I’m being direct and telling you to your face I know you have feelings for Hawke. You can lie to me and yourself by saying that you don’t. But really how long can you keep that up for?”

 

“Did you seriously ask me to hang out with you so you could grill me about my love life? Isn’t yours active enough to keep you occupied?”

 

“I am in a bit of a dry spell now that you mention it. Completely by choice. If it helps I can open up to you about my love life, that way when you finally pry the lid off your personal life box it will be on equal ground.”

 

“What could you possibly have to share with me that would put us on equal ground?”

 

“Because I have had feelings for a close friend as well, and it still hurts remembering what happened.”

 

***

 

“So there I was a bit tipsier than I really should have been. Don’t look at me like that Marian or I will stop telling the story.” Bethany said with a warning look. Hawke unfolded her arms and attempted a more casual position. She was livid with the fact that her sister went to a frat party and left her phone at home out of spite.

 

“So there was this guy and he keeps trying to convince me to leave the party with him. I keep telling him no and he wont back off when suddenly he gets moved to the side and I kid you not an angel spoke at that moment.”

 

“Oh boy, she’s already fallen.” Isabela said chuckling.

 

“He’s from Starkhaven.” Bethany said with a swoon.

 

A collective sigh broke out from the other three women.

 

“Oh he has a brogue doesn’t he?” Merrill asked dreamily.

 

“Yes, so he moves the guy aside and says ‘I do believe the lady has been quite clear in her refusal. Should you wish to bother her further you will have to deal with me.” Bethany said trying to imitate the Starkhaven accent.

 

“I seriously hope he doesn’t sound like that because if that’s your idea of an angelic voice you’re ouch!” Marian cried out after being smacked by her sister.

 

***

 

“So Karl and I figured we’d get to see each other while we were both here in Kirkwall. I really had no idea at the time what the rivalry between FMU and Gallows U was like. I was just happy that he and I would be in the city and wouldn’t have to worry about a long distance relationship.”

 

“What does the rivalry between the colleges have to do with it though?”

 

“After my accident Karl came to see me in the hospital. While he was there some of the guys from Gallows U came in as well. Their coach made them come to wish me luck and a speedy recovery, false words but whatever. A couple of them decided to mess with Karl and give him crap for being involved with someone from the rival school. They took him to one of their frat parties. Kept giving him drink after drink.” Anders said with a bitter sigh.

 

“What happened to him?”

 

“He went into a coma and never came out. His parents eventually decided to let him go. But no one ever went after those guys. Said Karl did it to himself, but I know it was them. I know they did it on purpose. So now you understand a bit more why I have such a problem with Templars. I only know the name of one of the guys involved, Alrik; he’s the same one who did this to me.” Anders said gesturing to his knees.

 

“So all the flirting and the casual relations?”

 

“Just another way for me to try and get over a lost chance at the life I thought I was supposed to have.”

 

“I guess this is the part where I tell you what happened on Halloween.”

 

***

 

“So I’m hoping maybe to spend some more time with him and see how things go.” Bethany said with an overjoyed look on her face.

 

“I’m happy for you Beth. You too Merrill and you Isabela. All of you happy with your love lives, its wonderful just such a beautiful thing to see.” Hawke mumbled out, she had drunk a bit more than originally planned.

 

“Hawke are you drunk?” Isabela asked.

 

“Not drunk enough really. I’d like to be drunker, that way I can stop caring so much.”

 

“Come on Hawke, out with it. We’re not stupid; we know you and Fenris had a fight.”

 

“I kissed him.”

 

***

 

“She kissed me.”

 

“It’s about damn time.” Anders said with a smile that left quickly seeing Fenris’s reaction. “Wait isn’t this a good thing? I mean come on man we’ve all seen it. In what way is this bad?

 

“We won the stupid contest and the photographer kept asking us to do these ridiculous poses and then he asks if we’ll do a kiss one. I said no because I have been wanting to kiss her for weeks, and I would be damned if I was going to have it be for some ridiculous picture.”

 

“Let me guess, she got pissed?”

 

***

“Just the way he said it, he didn’t even think twice, just no. So of course I was angry.”

 

“How did you go from being angry with him to kissing him?” Merrill asked handing her a glass of water.

 

“I just started yelling at him and said that its not that he should want to kiss me but that he could at least not act like it was such a horrible idea.”

 

“And of course he didn’t see it from your perspective.”

 

“No told me I was twisting his words. Never mind the fact that the thought of kissing him has made hanging out with him incredibly tenuous. So I just grabbed him and planted one right on him.”

 

***

 

“Next thing I know she has me by the collar and we’re kissing. I reacted of course and tried to pull her in but then she just shoves me away. Tells me to forget about it. As if I can forget that the woman who has been the very focus of all my thoughts as of late had her lips on mine.”

 

“Well did you go after her?”

 

“I was in shock. I had no idea what I was supposed to do.”

 

***

 

“Did he kiss you back?” Bethany asked her eyes widening.

 

“Truth be told I couldn’t tell. It seemed like for a second maybe he was grabbing me but I couldn’t tell if it was to push me off of him so I decided if anyone was going to end that kiss it would be me. So I shoved him away and then I told him to forget about it.”

 

“Obviously you haven’t forgotten about it.” Isabela noted.

 

“No shit, you think I could forget that?

 

“So are you going to talk to him about it?”

 

“Good god no.”

 

***

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

“You do realize that living in denial will get you nowhere with this. Eventually you are going to have to tell her how you feel.”

 

“What would be the point? I can’t be with her.”

 

“Why the hell not?”

 

“Because someone like me doesn’t deserve someone like her!” Fenris said angrily getting up from the table. He pulled some money out of his wallet and threw it down. “I’m sorry but I have to go. Please, tell me this stays between us.”

 

“Of course, we can talk about something else instead, you don’t have to leave. I’m sorry I pushed you into this.”

 

“I have an early class tomorrow and I really should get a head start on my midterm projects. I’ll see you later.”

 

***

 

“So what you’re just going to pretend you don’t have feelings for him?” Isabela asked throwing her hands in the air in frustration.

 

“It’s complicated.”

 

“How is it complicated to say ‘Hey I like you lets do something about it?”

 

“Because there’s a part of the story you don’t know and I can’t share it with you. It’s not mine to share and I swore to him I would never tell anyone the things he has shared with me. I could never betray his trust. I feel like I would lose him if I told him how I felt and that hurts more than the feelings I have for him now. So I’ll take the latter, this is a pain I can deal with.”

 

“Well you’re not exactly talking to him now are you?”

 

“I can pull out my phone right now and text him.”

 

“Do it. Tell him you want to see him.”

 

Hawke glared at Isabela as she typed out her message. She clicked send and within minutes had a response. Her eyes widened and the room fell silent as she looked down at her phone.

 

**Hawke** _9:_ _12pm_

I’m sorry we fought. Wine Wednesday this week to make up?”

 

**Fenris** _9:14pm_

I was worried you’d never ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and as always comments are welcome.
> 
> Find me on tumblr. 
> 
> http://quinnlocke.tumblr.com/


	27. Chapter 27

The weeks in between Halloween and Thanksgiving were awkward. Wine Wednesday happened as planned but there was no more of the easy camaraderie they once shared. Neither of them seemed willing to bring up the subject of their awkward kiss. Hawke decided to pretend it never happened and Fenris took her silence as a sign that he should do as she said and forget about it.

 

Hawke’s trusty old car had been given new life over the summer and had brought her, Merrill and Bethany safely to Kirkwall with all of their belongings. However it seemed that the new life was short lived because two days before thanksgiving it churned out its last breath, just miles away from the ferry.

 

“No baby don’t you do this to me now. Come on old girl.” Hawke said even as white smoke began pouring out from under the hood. She stepped outside and saw the puddle of oil pooling underneath and knew the end had finally come for her car. She choked back the tears as best she could.

 

“Merrill, call Isabela and tell her we need a ride to the train station.” Hawke said her shoulders slumping.

 

“It lived a good life Marian. Nana Hawke would have been so surprised to see how long it kept going.” Bethany said giving her a hug.

 

“I loved this car.” Hawke with a soft cry.

 

***

 

**Marian** _12:46pm_

My car died; there is no bringing it back. We’re going to be taking the train in. idk when we’ll be arriving but will keep you informed.

 

**Mom** _12:49pm_

We’ll just have to go car shopping while you are down here

 

**Marian** _12:55pm_

No

 

**Mom** _1:00pm_

Why not?

 

**Marian** _1:03pm_

Clothes shopping with you is enough of a headache as it is. I don’t want to imagine what car shopping will be like.

 

***

 

The first thing Hawke noticed as Isabela’s car pulled up was that Isabela wasn’t the one driving it. Fenris was.

 

“Hey.” She said with a questioning look.

 

“No one else to run the shop. I happened to be coming in for coffee and she tossed me her keys, and handed me these.” He said holding out a beverage tray with three coffee cups and a bag of muffins. He began unloading their luggage from Hawke’s car into Isabela’s.

 

“If this is what she does for friends I wonder what she’d do if I let her in my pants?” Hawke said and immediately blushed hearing the cough that emanated from Fenris.

 

“She said to drive you down to Highever so you can take the train from there. Didn’t want you to have to come all the way back.”

 

“That is so sweet of her. Isabela really does look out for us.” Merrill said pulling Bethany into the backseat with her.

 

“Is that everything?” Fenris asked as he went to stand by Hawke. She stared at her car forlornly as the tow truck hitched it up.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Hawke wait.” He said as he ran over to the driver. They exchanged a few words and then Fenris went to the hood of the car and with the help of the driver used a pair of bolt cutter to remove the hood ornament. She laughed with a hand over her mouth as he gave it to her.

 

“God Fenris I didn’t even think to do that.”

 

“You would have eventually and you would have been sad. So I thought of it for you.”

 

They drove to the station in silence and fenris again helped carry their bags to the platform. The train pulled in and merrill and Bethany both gave him hugs before boarding.

 

“So listen Hawke, before you go.” Fenris said nervously as he shuffled one foot.

 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. That was stupid of me and really you didn’t deserve it. I was just a bit annoyed at that photographer it really had nothing to do with you.” she interrupted him.

 

“I shouldn’t have reacted the way that I did. You were upset and I should have been more understanding.” He said picking his head up to look at her.

 

“I hated fighting with you. It sucked right?”

 

“Yeah it definitely sucked.”

 

“So no more fighting over silly things then?”

 

“Of course. We can just forget the whole thing ever happened.” He forced himself to say.

 

“Great that’s exactly what we should do.” She said nodding and biting her lower lip.

 

The train whistle sounded and he pulled her into a tight embrace. His arms wrapping around her so hard she thought for a moment he might never let her go.

 

“I’ll see you when I get back.”

 

“Promise?” he asked with a half smile.

 

“I promise.”

 

***

 

Fenris walked through Lowtown on Thanksgiving Day, a fall wind gently washing over him. Though he would love to spend the day walking and simply enjoying the quiet city streets he had places to go and people to see. He checked the door to Divine Books found it unlocked so he opened it and smiled at the familiar bells that chimed. He heard soft footsteps coming from the back.

 

“We’re closed today but I’d be more than happy to, oh its you Fenris.” the shops proprietor, Dorothea, said as she adjusted her glasses to look at him.

 

“Why do you leave your door unlocked if you are closed?”

 

“Because I never know what time to expect you and I don’t want to make you wait in the cold.”

 

“Do you get anyone here besides me?”

 

“Not really no but one can never be sure. Come upstairs I’ve just finished making a pot of tea.”

 

She asked him about school and as always gave him a bag of books. No matter how many times he insisted on trying to pay her she always said no.

 

“Fenris you do so much for me already and I feel like I don’t pay you nearly enough. The least I can do is ensure that you continue to feed that wonderful brilliant mind of yours.”

 

He blushed and she tittered over him as always. He felt a sort of melancholy wash over him, the feel of love and acceptance, was his own family like this at one time?

 

“Something’s on your mind.” She said laying a hand on his shoulder as she walked past him to take her seat. Despite his usual reservations he knew he could not keep silent around her. Dorothea was like a grandmother to him, and he enjoyed her counsel.

 

“I think I’m in love with someone.”

 

***

 

“Happy thanksgiving mom.” Anders said over the phone, happy to hear her voice.

 

“Sweetheart so good to hear from you. How is school?”

 

“Its fine, I’m doing well.”

 

“And your knees?”

 

“They’re fine too mom.” He said with a soft laugh.

 

“I’d give the phone to your father but he’s just stepped out.”

 

Anders sighed and shook his head. His father was home, he just didn’t want to speak to him. Which was fine, Anders had no desire to speak to him either.

 

“Mom you don’t have to lie to me. I know he’s there in the living room watching football.”

 

“I know I just, you should come home and talk to him. Maybe patch things up.”

 

“He made this choice mom. When he found out about Karl, he didn’t look at me the same anymore, I have accepted that. Maybe its time you did too.”

 

“I miss you baby. Do you still have the pillow I knitted for you?” she said deflecting away as was her custom when the rift between him and his father was brought up.

 

“Of course I do, I never sleep without it.”

 

“Good, Ser Pounce misses you too. Don’t you, yes you do.” She said cooing at the cat Anders had brought home one winter.  He had found the little kitten freezing in a gutter and begged his mother to let him keep it. It had been one of the few times his mother had ignored his father’s protests against anything.

 

“Give him a hug for me.”

 

“Will do, any plans for tonight?”

 

“Having dinner with my friends.”

 

“Seeing anyone new?”

 

“No mom, not seeing anyone.”

 

“You know you can see anyone you like and.”

 

“I know mom, and I love you for that I really do.”

 

“I love you too, Happy Thanksgiving.”

 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” He said with a heavy sigh as he hung up the phone.

 

Anders father had been so proud when he got a hockey scholarship to FMU. His pride came with expectations that Anders was unwilling to fulfill however. When his parents showed up at the hospital and saw him and Karl holding hands that’s when it had started. His father never looked at him the same way. It only got worse when he decided to take culinary classes. Suddenly he was no longer his father’s pride, now he was only his shame. The worst part of it all was that his father never had the spine to tell him how he felt to his face, he just simply stopped speaking to him. His mother was the one who took care of his education, sent him new clothes and made sure his medical needs were always addressed.

 

**Anders** _12:25pm_

I’m on my way over.

 

**Isabela** _12:27pm_

Oh good u can stuff the turkey, and if ur here b4 Varric u can stuff somethin else 2.

 

**Anders** _12:29pm_

It has been awhile

 

**Isabela** _12:32pm_

I do enjoy ur magic fingers

 

He wasn’t lying when he told his mother he wasn’t seeing anyone. But he wasn’t about to tell his mother that he was having casual sex with the woman who sold him coffee every day. His mother might be accepting of some things in his life, but he doubted she would be very happy to hear about this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

“Mom come in here I want to send a picture to everyone.” Hawke yelled from the dining room.

 

Hawke held her phone out and managed to get her mother, siblings, Merrill, and herself into the shot. They all smiled and she snapped the picture. Leandra resumed getting the table set up and recruited Carver and Merrill into laying out the plates.

 

“Let me know when they send their pictures back. Will be nice to see all their families.” Leandra called out from the kitchen.

 

“They’re all together so it will be just the one picture mom.”

 

She heard silence from the kitchen and her mother stood in the opening between the rooms with a stern look on her face.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well Fenris is an orphan; at least I assume he is he told me spent his childhood in foster care. Isabela has never once mentioned a family and I don’t really pry. Varric's parents passed away years ago and so far as I know Anders hasn’t gone home in over a year, he and his father have well issues.”

 

“So what do they do then? For the holidays?”

 

“They spend it together mom. Oh no I know that look, what are you planning?”

 

“Get them on the cloud thing, the sky video so I can talk to them.” She said walking into the den.

 

“Skype?” she asked not leaving her seat.

 

“Yes that, just get the computer set up I need to talk to them.”

 

“Seriously lets just wait till after dinner how about that?”

 

“You’re not going to talk me out of this. Open the cloud and get them on video.” She demanded and Hawke knew she had no choice but to comply.

 

She sent a quick text to Isabela telling her to boot up her laptop and heard the familiar sound of Skype starting up. She clicked Isabela's contact and waited for the camera to connect and smiled seeing Isabela and Varric seated together with Fenris and Anders perched on the couch behind them.

 

“Hey everyone.” Hawke said.

 

“Hi.” They all said back in unison.

 

“My daughter tells me you have no families to go to for the holidays?” Leandra asked in a less stern tone than she had used before. The four of them all looked at one another and back to Leandra.

 

“Umm well no, we just always did these things together.” Isabela explained.

 

“I am hereby extending the invitation to all four of you to Christmas. We have plenty of room and I am not accepting no for an answer.”

 

Her four friends all shared a bemused expression with each other before smiling and giving their thanks. Each one promising to be there. Leandra walked back to the kitchen and left Hawke sitting there her face flush with embarrassment.

 

“Looks like I need to buy some extra mistletoe.” Isabela said with a chuckle.

 

“Don’t make this worse.” Hawke said burying her head in her hands. She was about to shut down the comp when she heard a soft cough. She looked up to see only Fenris looking back at her.

 

“Hey.” She said with a smile.

 

“Hi.”

 

“Miss me?”

 

He gave her a look that was equal parts sad and happy and she wished that he was there with her, so she could reach out and touch the side of his face.

 

“Always.” He said before waving good bye to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? I can't help torturing them. Trust me the slow burn will be turning into a full on forest fire very soon. I promise not to keep the apart that much longer. Maybe Christmas will be what finally brings them together? Who know?  
> Oh wait I do, cause I'm writing this? Who the hell is letting me do this? :)
> 
> As always comments are welcomed and appreciated.


	28. Chapter 28

**Hawke** _12:_ _12pm_

*image sent*

My new car!

 

**Mom** _12:14pm_

You are not funny no matter how much you seem to think you are.

 

**Hawke** _12:20pm_

*image sent*

Ok heres the actual car I got

 

**Mom** _12:24pm_

Did you go to a junk yard and just take pictures of the worst cars imaginable?

 

**Hawke** _12:27pm_

You’re my mother? Do you really need to ask that question to get the answer?

 

**Mom** _12:32pm_

Just send me the damn picture of the car Marian!

 

**Hawke** _12:38pm_

*image sent*

Guy said its called a compact SUV, I call it room for five and a trip to the beach with all our stuff.

 

**Mom** _12:42pm_

Thank god you bought a sensible car. What color is that? It looks green?

 

**Hawke** _12:46pm_

It is green. They had it in black too, but I really liked this color better.

 

**Mom** _12:49pm_

I can see why. Excellent choice Marian I am proud of you.

 

**Hawke** _12:52pm_

I’m sorry you must be going through a tunnel, I didn’t quite catch that last part?

 

***

 

Merrill was sitting by herself in the dining hall enjoying a quiet lunch. She had no homework to speak of and was all caught up on her readings. Her quiet contemplation was however suddenly interrupted by the presence of Fenris.

“Merrill, I’m not quite sure how to even say this or even go about asking you for your advice.” He said sitting down across from her.

 

“You can tell me anything you know that right? I keep secrets rather well.” She responded giving him her full attention. She and Fenris rarely spoke one on one and she was unsure of what had brought this on.

 

“That is one of the reasons I came to you really. You have been dating Krem for some time now and well.” he hesitated at the end.

 

“You need dating advice?” she said, her ears perking up just a little.

 

“Desperately.” He said slumping backwards in his chair.

 

“You want to ask out Hawke.”

 

“It really is that obvious isn’t it?”

 

“Its hard to ignore Fenris trust me. What is stopping you?”

 

“I….she didn’t tell you anything about me did she?” he asked nervously. Hawke always swore she kept their talks between them, but he always had a hard time putting his full trust in anyone.

 

“Did you think she would?”

 

“No, and knowing now that she didn’t makes this even harder. It would be easier if you already knew.” He said with a relieved sigh.

 

“Do you want coffee?”

 

“What?”

 

“Coffee, we should go get some coffee. Then we can take a walk with our coffee and you can babble on. I babble on enough as it is, someone else should get the opportunity.” She said abandoning her lunch and offering an arm to Fenris.

 

***

 

“Birdie, wake up Birdie.” Anders said waving a hand in front of Hawke’s face. She had been staring at the book in front of her with a glazed expression.

 

“What, oh umm you need to temper the chocolate in order to prevent.” She sputtered out coming to her senses.

 

“We already went over that. You were supposed to be discussing the non edible parts of show pieces.”

 

“Oh.” She laid her head down on the table and groaned.

 

“What’s up? You’ve been out of sorts for awhile now. You come in and out of thought and then you just disappear on me.”

 

“Anders I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. So many different things going on in my head and I can’t focus.”

 

“Start from the beginning and maybe then you can find an answer.”

 

“I already know the answer. I let myself get attached to someone and now it’s become the focus of my mind and that pisses me off to no end. When the hell did I let myself become like this?” she was frustrated and it was only getting worse.

 

“Hawke you have feelings for him, I daresay you might love him.”

 

“Don’t be silly.”

 

“Birdie, I love you. There I said it, was that weird? No, because you know the kind of love I have for you. You love him, it may not be some deep romantic thing, but you do love him.” he laid an arm over her shoulders and turned her face towards him as he spoke.

 

“You love me Anders?” she said with a smile.

 

“Don’t change the subject. You need to tell him the truth Hawke. It’s not going to get any easier and you will be angry at yourself more and more it will become a distraction. More so than it already has.”

 

“How do you tell someone that you want more than what they can give you?”

 

“You’ll never know what they can give you until you ask for it.”

 

***

 

“So you’ve never even gone on a date?” Merrill asked with a tilt to her head.

 

“No, I’ve never even gone on a date. I’m not stupid, I know how it works. I haven’t been living under a rock.” Fenris said defensively.

 

“I never said you were stupid. I mean I didn’t really go on a date until earlier this year so I know how you feel.”

 

“I just still can’t fight this nagging feeling in my head that I shouldn’t even be thinking about this. She’s my best friend Merrill. I don’t want to lose that.”

 

“So you have to find a way to tell her that. Or if you want just kiss her and let the sparks fly.” She giggled.

 

“You’re joking right?”

 

“Not at all. I say if you don’t know how to tell her your feelings then you need to show her. You just have to wait…….for the perfect moment.” Merrill said with an excited smile.

 

***

 

**Bethany** _4:15pm_

I want to ask mom if I can invite Sebastian for Christmas

 

**Hawke** _4:20pm_

It’s that serious already?

 

**Bethany** _4:22pm_

Idk, its just he mentioned he didn’t have any family to go see and I remembered what mom said and I would hate for him to be spending Christmas alone.

 

**Hawke** _4:24pm_

So ask her, im sure she would be happy to have one more.

 

**Bethany** _4:26pm_

What do I call him? Hes not my boyfriend, but we’re sort of dating. We haven’t kissed or anything, he’s a gentleman.

 

**Hawke** _4:48pm_

You’re giving me cavities with this you know? Tell her he’s a friend and if that changes before he comes down then well great thing to mention at dinner.

 

**Bethany** _4:50pm_

Have you talked to him yet?

 

**Hawke** _4:52pm_

I thought we were talking about your love life not mine?

 

**Bethany** _4:54pm_

I’ve never known you to be afraid of saying anything

 

**Hawke** _4:56pm_

I don’t want to lose him.

***

 

_You have one new voice message. First voice message..._

_Isabela its Castillon. I know you’ve gotten my last two phone calls. Can we just talk? I said I was sorry for backing out, and look you were right. The shop is a total success. Just call me back. I miss you._

_Message deleted_

***

 

**Hawke** _8:35pm_

I will be there at 9am sharp tomorrow. Don’t forget to bring your laundry.

 

**Bethany** _8:37pm_

So you’ll be sometime between 9:30 and 10?

 

**Hawke** _8:39pm_

I am not always late

 

**Bethany** _8:42pm_

You were 3 weeks late!

 

**Hawke** _8:45pm_

I was making a dramatic entrance

 

**Bethany** _8:49pm_

And this is why i'm mom’s favorite

 

**Hawke** _8:51pm_

Blasphemy!

 

***

 

“Hawke is there a particular reason you have two large bags shoved in the back here?” Fenris asked eyeing the bags piled into her trunk space.

 

“Going home for the holidays means free laundry.” She said matter of factly.

 

“That’s a thing?”

 

“Uh yeah, haven’t you? Oh right. Ummm you can take advantage of that too you know?”

 

“I wouldn’t feel right imposing like that.”

 

“Nonsense, it will save you some money. Go on get your clothes, hell bring your whole closet.”

 

“Yours is already in here, can we honestly fit mine and your sisters in there too?”

 

“All right I’ve got everything!” Merrill said lugging her laundry bag out to the car. She struggled to drag it across the ground when Fenris jogged over scooped it up onto his shoulder and hauled it into the trunk.

 

“Oh thank you Fenris, I still don’t know how I got it out the door.”

 

“You still want me to go get mine as well?” he turned to Hawke.

 

“If anything it can be a big pillow for Merrill and Bethany to use in the back.”

 

“When did I get shotgun?”

 

“When the driver declared it so.” She said giving his nose a tweak. “I remember you saying the backseat makes you uncomfortable sometimes. Didn’t want to force you into a bad situation. Plus you’re taller, leg room wins over blood.” She said quietly into his ear, her lips brushing against his cheek slightly as he leaned in closer to her.

 

He had taken Merrill’s advice and had tried to find a time to talk to her privately. But with finals and preparing to drive down to Lothering for the holidays there just never seemed to be a good moment. He knew once they were at her mothers house there would be even less opportunities for him to speak to her one on one.

 

She finally convinced him to at least bring some of his clothes to wash and they managed to fit everything into the trunk with hopefully enough room for whatever Bethany happened to be bringing as well. They pulled up outside Gallows U and found Bethany waiting for them with a tall ginger haired gentleman.

 

“Hey guys, this is Sebastian. This is my sister Marian and her friends Merrill and Fenris.” Bethany said introducing him.

 

“So nice to be meeting all of you. Bethany has had nothing but wonderful things to say.” He said shaking hands with Fenris and Merrill before turning to Hawke.

 

“I somehow doubt everything she has said about me is wonderful. We did grow up together.” Hawke said giving him a handshake.

 

“Oh she might have mentioned a few funny things. Though nothing beats the story of your brother tying her hair to the bedpost.”

 

“I almost forgot about that.” Hawke said laughing.

 

“Easy to forget when it didn’t happen to you on an almost regular basis.” Bethany said pointedly.

 

“Oh he hasn’t done it in years, stop griping. Will you be joining us Sebastian? I’m afraid I’m running out of room in here, Beth didn’t mention anything to me.”

 

“Ah no, I just wanted to be here to see Beth off and have a proper introduction. I assist with the soup kitchen that the chantry runs for the holidays.”

 

“Oh that’s very charitable of you.”

 

“Sebastian does a lot of volunteer work for the chantry. He was almost considering becoming ordained.”

 

“I assume with you dating my sister and all that’s no longer part of the plan?”

 

“Marian.” Bethany hissed. Sebastian blushed and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“It was the consideration of a younger man who thought perhaps he needed to choose a better path.”

 

“Just how old are you if you don’t mind me asking?” Hawke said and Bethany put her hands up in between them.

 

“We’ve got to get going right? Don’t want to miss the ferry.” She said hurriedly while giving her sister a hard glare.

 

“Well it was lovely to meet you and I hope we can do it again sometime. Bethany, have a wonderful Christmas. Message me when you get home.” He shook everyone’s hands again and gave Bethany a hug followed by a chaste kiss on the cheek.

 

“Just so you know I hate you right now.” Bethany said in a whisper to her sister as she climbed into the car.

 

“Better me than mom.” Hawke replied.

 

***

 

**Hawke** _2:45pm_

We’re about half way there. Have you even left yet?

 

**Anders** _2:49pm_

Just got off the ferry. Got sidetracked.

 

**Hawke** _2:51pm_

Is there something going on that I don’t know about?

 

**Anders** _2:53pm_

I wish that had been the reason. No, Isabela is having some trouble. She’ll tell you about it when we get down there. But no worries, its settled for now.

 

***

 

“Fenris did you bring your iPod with you? Mines dying.” Merrill piped up from the back of the car.

 

“Yeah here, just scan around and see if there’s anything you like. Looking down at anything tends to make me a little car sick.” He said handing it off to her. Merrill scanned through his play lists and happened to glance at a title that intrigued her. She hit play and Hawke turned to Fenris with a smile as the first song started.

 

“Hey it’s Ladyhawke.”

 

“Seriously there’s a band called Ladyhawke?” Bethany asked looking over at the ipod.

 

“Yup Fenris found her. We were talking about me wanting to be a wizard instead of a baker and he happened to find this. It’s sort of become our song.” Hawke said glancing over to Fenris and giving him a wink. He put his hand on her leg and gave it a gentle squeeze. He considered leaving it there, but balked at the last minute. Now was not the time to start making his feelings known. Not with her little sister sitting in the back seat.

 

He caught sight of Merrill out of the corner of his eye and the wistful smile she was giving him. He knew exactly what play list she had found. It was full of songs that to anyone looking in from the outside would seem like a random jumble. But to him it was every song that without fail would make him think of her. He had called it ‘Birds of a Feather’ and somehow he felt no embarrassment at Merrill having found it.

It seemed like fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So through the help of my lovely skype group, the 'Birds of a Feather' playlist is being crafted and will soon be accessible on YouTube. Thank you as always for the comments you really do make this that much more enjoyable to write.  
> Next chapter will feature mistletoe mayhem and some surprise kisses for everyone.


	29. Chapter 29

In hindsight Leandra realized that inviting her daughter’s college friends over for Christmas would prove to make it a memorable one. She knew the sort of mischief her daughter was capable of getting up to and was prepared for it. She was not prepared for the absolute mayhem that was wrought upon her home. It all started the day before Christmas Eve. Isabela had managed to festoon every archway and door way of the house with sprigs of mistletoe.

 

It had become a sort of game for everyone to see who they could catch underneath. Isabela made it a point to hang out in the dining room and catch anyone coming through from the hallway. Everyone else began to catch on and would come through the entryway from the kitchen instead. Eventually Isabela grew bored of waiting and began to find ways to get other people to end up together. She was sitting in the kitchen when she saw Fenris come in and had a brilliant idea.

 

“Hey Hawke come here for a minute.” She yelled and laughed seeing the look of panic on Fenris’s face. He was about to make a dash out into the dining room when Anders walked in behind him.

 

“Isabela I can’t find my bag that had all my shower stuff in it, did you even take it out of the trunk?”

 

“What did you need Bela?” Hawke said appearing in the other doorway.

 

All four of them looked at one another and realized where they were standing. Hawke sighed and grabbed Isabela and bent her backwards for a deep kiss. They pulled away laughing and looked expectantly at Anders and Fenris.

 

“Oh fuck it.” Fenris said grabbing Anders face with both hands and laying a hard kiss on his lips. Anders pulled away from him and tried to mimic being flustered; instead he managed to trip and smack his head off the dining room table. They spent most of the afternoon at the hospital and Anders ended up with four stitches on his right temple. Leandra pulled down all the mistletoe she could find and admonished them for their antics.

 

“It’s not my fault; he has magic lips damn it. I was overwhelmed.” Anders said woozily. The doctors had given him a powerful pain killer. Hawke and Fenris were trying to carry him from the car into the house while Isabela filmed him with her phone.

 

“You know you could help us instead.” Fenris grunted trying to keep Anders from toppling over.

 

“And miss the opportunity to have this at my beck and call should he ever really annoy me? Not a chance. Anders tell me more about these magic lips Fenris has.”

 

“They’re like two perfect petals of a tulip. Get it tulip, cause he has two lips!” Anders laughed hysterically and nearly fell head first into the front porch steps. Carver came running outside, hoisted Anders up and hauled him into the house.

 

“I haven’t been this high since my accident. Carver did I ever tell you I was the star goalie in high school? I was the best you know that?” Anders rambled on as carver set him gently down in a recliner in the living room.

 

“Yeah you told me. You were one of the best.”

 

“One of? No I was the best. I could have gone pro! Those bastard Templars ruined everything and then they took away the one person I ever loved.”

 

“All right Anders I think sharing time is over.” Isabela said hoping to stem the tide that was Anders rambling.

 

“Isabela I need a hug. With your chest. Hug me with your chest. It will make me feel better.”

 

“I’ll smother you with it if it means you’ll shut up.”

 

“That would surely kill me, but I think I would die a happy man. Please Isabela. I need a hug, I hurt myself.” he said trying to hold his arms out to her with a pathetic pout on his lips.

 

“Oh fine you big baby.” Isabela leaned down and gave Anders a hug. When she pulled away he was passed out.

 

“Oh god you really did smother him.” Carver said with wide eyes and a fierce blush across his face.

 

“Please I barely put his face between them. He’s fine, just finally knocked out thank goodness.”

 

***

 

Christmas Eve was thankfully quite uneventful. Hawke, Bethany, and Isabela spent the afternoon baking cookies. Carver and Fenris battled each other on the PS3 for hours and were both scolded several times for utterances of improper words as Leandra called them. Anders and Merrill sat quietly together reading while Varric typed away on his laptop. His newest story in its early stages.

 

“Varric that laptop looks ancient. How old is that thing?” Leandra asked walking by with a few last minute presents to put under the tree.

 

“Bianca? I’ve had her for years. Not many of her original parts are left. I just keep upgrading as I go. Got a tech friend who makes sure it all works.”

 

“You named your laptop Bianca?”

 

“This old girl helped pen my first successful novel. I can’t write with anything but her. I might take notes here and there but when the story finally comes out. Bianca is the only composer I trust.”

 

Isabela’s phone was sitting on the dining room table when it began to ring. Varric looked down at the caller ID and before Isabela could run in to stop him he picked it up.

 

“Hello Castillon.”

 

“Varric!” she hissed at him but did not try to take the phone away.

 

“No she is not here. Well even if she was I wouldn’t give the phone to her regardless. She doesn’t want to speak to you. I don’t know why you insist on trying.”

 

There was a good two minutes of someone yelling on the other end of the phone. Varric pulled the phone away from his ear and counted down from five on his free hand. When he got to the end he straightened up and the expression on his face became so angry that Merrill gasped and gripped onto Hawke with fear.

 

“Now you listen here you nug humping son of a bitch. You walked out; you left her high and dry with half of the investment. You don’t get to come crawling back just because you realized it was a stupid idea. I don’t care how much of the creative process behind the concept supposedly belongs to you. Every document pertaining to Sirens Call is in her name. Anything else you have I will have my lawyers rip to so many shreds you’ll be lucky to even find the alphabet when you pore through them.”

 

He clicked the end button on the phone and laid it down on the table. He smiled to himself as he went back to work.

 

“Varric.” Isabela said quietly. “I could have taken care of that myself.”

 

“As your business partner I felt it was my duty to intervene and make sure that your former and may I add shitty business partner know what’s what. He’s not taking the café away from you, and should he continue to bother you further I will have my layers intervene instead.”

 

 “You’re Isabela’s business partner?” Merrill asked.

 

“Silent partner for the most part. Castillon left her high and dry two weeks before they were supposed to open. I stepped in and used the advance I got for my new series. I am attached to the café in name only. Sirens Call belongs to Isabela and it will always belong to Isabela.”

 

***

 

“All right everyone get into your jammies!” Leandra announced at nine. Fenris, Isabela, Varric, and Anders all exchanged puzzled looks but none the less followed her instructions.

 

“What is going on?” Fenris asked Hawke as she headed upstairs.

 

“Hawke family tradition. You’ll love it I promise.” She said as she bounded up the stairs. Fenris changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and waited in the living room. He watched Leandra moving around in the kitchen and sought her out to offer his assistance.

 

“Is there anything I can help with?”

 

“Could you pull that punch bowl down for me? I’m afraid I will have to invest in a step stool once Carver leaves for the army. Otherwise I wont be able to get anything down from the shelves.” He pulled down the large glass bowl and she handed him a bottle of rum.

 

“Pour it in.”

 

“The whole thing?”

 

“Nana Hawke's recipe. One whole bottle of rum. Oh don’t give me that look. I didn’t let them have this until they were much older. But when their father was alive and we had friends over for Christmas parties we stuck to the recipe.”

 

He heard the familiar pounding of Hawke’s footsteps coming down the stairs as she skipped every other one.

 

“Mmmmm nana’s rum nog.” She said skipping into the kitchen. She was wearing red flannel pajamas with a pair of bunny slippers. It was the most absurd combination he had ever seen yet in that moment he still found her absolutely beautiful. He was distracted watching her pile up a plate full of cookies and was taken aback when she turned to face him with one in her mouth and tilted her head.

 

“The bottle is empty Fenris.”

 

“Oh right.”

 

She laughed and took the plate out to the living room. He helped Leandra fill the punch bowl with egg nog and carried it carefully out to the living room. Bethany carried out a box of frosted glass mugs with holly leaves painted on them.

 

“Did you paint these?” he asked her. She blushed and nodded while handing him one. Once everyone had filled their glasses and were sitting down Leandra pulled an old hardcover book of the shelf. Despite its appearance it was well cared for.

 

“All right, shall we draw straws this year? We have a bit more than usual.”

 

“I want to read the second chapter!” Merrill said having been there the previous year she knew what was happening.

 

“Perhaps we should explain to the newbie’s exactly what we are doing.” Hawke said as she settled in next to Fenris. Her legs folded up, he could rest his hand on her knee if he wanted to, and for a moment he considered it.

 

“Every year we read a Christmas Carol out loud together. Malcolm would always read the first chapter and so Carver has taken that honor for many years now.” Leandra explained. “Now it’s a matter of who reads the rest.”

 

“He practically knows it by heart at this point.” Bethany added.

 

“Reading a story out loud? This is my kind of Christmas. My I perhaps volunteer to read the third chapter.” Varric chimed in.

 

“So you’ve read it then?” Leandra asked.

 

“It’s a classic, as an author I feel it is my duty to read the classics.”

 

“As a fan of the classics as well I will follow Varric’s lead.” Fenris said and he caught a smile from Hawke out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Well in that case I’ll volunteer as well.” Anders added as Isabela folded herself into his lap.

 

“All right then its settled.” Leandra said as she handed the book to Carver. He cleared his throat and made sure all eyes were on him, an unspoken homage to their father who wouldn’t begin until everyone was watching.

 

“Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.” Carver began and the story came to life around them. Hawke unfolded her legs and settled in closer to Fenris. He shifted his arm so he could wrap it around her and she snuggled into him. As Carver neared the end of the chapter Leandra held back a tear, he had sounded so much like his father in that moment.

 

When it was Merrill’s turn she took the book happily and when she voiced the spirit of Christmas past her voice took on an airy quality. Fenris could feel the mood in the room change as she brought the spirit to life with her words.

 

“I told you these were the shadows of the things that have been.” She said adding an ominous tone to her voice as she neared the end of her part. Bethany gasped when Scrooge extinguished the spirits light and Merrill smiled at her.

 

Varric’s booming voice was perfectly suited to the ghost of Christmas present. And Hawke grasped onto Fenris when he reached the part where jolly turned to frightening as the spirit showed the follies of man. He pressed a kiss to the top of her forehead and savored the momentary feeling of giving her protection from the world.

 

Hawke pouted slightly when Fenris sat up to take the book from Varric. He pulled her back to him and wrapped his arm around her.

 

“Help me turn the pages and you can keep cuddling with me.” he said and she grinned as she made herself comfortable against him. His arm cramped as he held the book but he refused to let go of her. He became lost in the story. He always enjoyed the fourth chapter. Of Scrooge facing what might come. It was always fascinating to him to think that someone could change in just a day that seeing all that had been and could be, was enough to change even the coldest of hearts.

 

When he reached the end of his chapter he went to hand the book to Anders but Hawke pushed it back into his hands.

 

“Keep going.” She said a misty look in her eyes.

 

“I second that motion. There’s no way I can follow that performance.” Anders said.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I like listening to you talk.” Hawke said to him.

 

“There are few pleasures greater than reading to a beautiful woman.” He replied and a soft cough from Isabela reminded him there was an audience present. He cleared his throat and tried to ignore the rosy cheeked smile Hawke had given him when he called her beautiful. He read the last of the story and paused at the last sentence when Hawke put a finger to his lips.

 

“We say the last line together.” She whispered against his ear and he nearly shuddered.

 

“God bless us, everyone.” They said in unison. Fenris couldn’t tell if he was drunk off the rum or the emotion of the room. He could see why they did this every year. The feeling was absolute magic. Everyone began to make their way to bed but Hawke stayed behind with Fenris to help him set up the pull out bed.

 

“You know this is the second time I have witnessed you give up a bed to someone else.” She commented as they laid out the sheets.

 

“Anders needs a bed; I doubt his knees would take too kindly to sleeping on this.” He said pulling down the corners on his side.

 

“What about Varric and Isabela?”

 

“They don’t mind sharing a bed, so it seemed logical. I don’t mind.”

 

“So if you were sharing a bed with someone you’d be more inclined to stop accepting the couch so quickly.”

 

“If I was sharing a bed with someone chances are I would have them back at a hotel instead of on the pull out.” He said without thinking and her eyes widened but she smiled none the less. He ran a hand down the back of his neck and could feel the heat in his skin rising. She approached him slowly and for one moment he swore he would kiss her, that he would give in to every urge he was feeling. Instead she gave him a kiss on the cheek and bid him good night. He spent the rest of the night tossing, cursing himself and cursing the reaction his body had to her.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was supposed to go in a different direction. But after a late night skype session with the lovely Emma-Trevelyan I just had to write something that involved Fenris reading out loud. His voice is probably one of my favorite things about him.  
> I hope you enjoyed the little detour this chapter took.
> 
> Also credit of course to the amazing Charles Dickens for a Christmas Carol


	30. Chapter 30

“Its Christmas!” Hawke's voice carried throughout the house. Fenris sat up in bed with a fright and shook his head at her incessant giggling.

 

“Fasta vass woman you nearly gave me a heart attack.” He said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“Wake up grumpy pants, get up get up. It’s Christmas!” she sang to him with no particular melody behind it. He threw his pillow at her head and she danced away.

 

“Going to have to get out of bed if you want to have any hope of catching me.” she said. He jumped out of the bed quickly and charged after her. She squealed as he got closer and she tried to make a break for the back door. He grabbed the back of her pants and nearly lost his grip when he pulled them and saw that she wasn’t wearing panties underneath.

 

“Let go of my pants!” she cried out with laughter and he threw her over his shoulder.

 

“Leandra we should return this one. I think it’s defective!” he yelled hauling her into the living room. “I hope you kept the receipt.”

 

“Put me down you big meanie!” she yelled pounding her fists into his back. His laugh vibrated with her every hit and she relented once he gave her a swift smack on the behind.

 

“Oooh Christmas spankings is that a new tradition?” Isabela purred walking in to watch. Fenris coughed nervously and set Hawke down. She hiked her pants back up, swatted him on the butt and took off giggling into the kitchen.

 

“For the sake of all of our sanities just kiss her already you idiot.” Isabela said walking past him.

 

“Seconded.” Anders said with a yawn. Merrill followed him and gave Fenris a reassuring squeeze on the arm.

 

“The moment will come Fenris. Don’t listen to them.” She whispered. He smiled and followed her into the kitchen, happy to see that Hawke was already pouring out coffee. She and Anders made breakfast for everyone. He helped Merrill and Bethany clear the table before Leandra ushered them all into the living room for presents.

 

Fenris waited and watched as gifts were exchanged. Keeping an eye on the tiny box he kept hidden in his lap. It had been agony trying to decide what to get her. What did one buy their best friend who they might be in love with? So he waited patiently hoping for the right moment to give it to her.

 

“Here Fenris, from me.” she said handing him a square box. He took it gladly and handed his to her with a sheepish smile. He waited to watch her open it and realized she was doing the same.

                     

“You first.” He said and she pulled the ribbon off the box and lifted the lid. Inside was a silver pendant on a matching chain. A flat charm with a stylized sparrow etched into it. It was sort of rough and imperfect, but beautiful in its own way. A lot like him. She looked up at him with a teary smile and crawled across the floor to hug him.

 

“It’s so beautiful thank you.” she said and he pulled it out the box to fasten around her neck.

 

“I tried to find you one with a hawk, but they have not become a trend yet it seems.”

 

“Doesn’t matter, I love it.” she said after he had fastened the clasp. She cozied up next to him and watched as he tore the paper off his present and opened the box. He lifted the tissue paper and found a pink t-shirt that proclaimed ‘All my Black Shirts are Dirty.’ He laughed loudly and she poked him and mimicked lifting the shirt up. He did and underneath was a leather bound book.

 

“Is that what I think it is?” he said opening the book to see the front page. Chronicles of Shartan, a fantasy epic.

 

“I tried to find a first edition, well Dorothea did. But no one had one to sell. So I got you a second edition. Besides this is the one that has the translation key for the elvish that the first edition didn’t have.”

 

Fenris said nothing, just held the book in his hands and looked at it with awe. It was his favorite book, one he had read so many times he could recite entire chapters. He was overwhelmed at the very idea of her remembering such a detail and going through the trouble to get him something so incredibly priceless. He leaned into her and she wrapped her arms around him.

 

“Thank you.” he whispered.

 

***

 

Fenris laid awake for what felt like hours that night. He rolled over several times trying to get comfortable. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her face, they way her eyes lit up when she opened his gift. The feel of the skin on her neck when he put it on her. When he did finally fall asleep his dreams reminded him of a life he had hoped to forget. Memories it seemed were not always so easily discarded, no matter how much one might try.

 

~~~

 

_“Thanks for listening to me Leto. I hate talking about it with the counselors. They all pretend to know and understand. They don’t though. No one does. Just you.”_

_“Adults never get it. They think they know everything.”_

_“I just want my mom back. I know my dad can’t come back and wishing for it won’t make it happen. But my mom, I just don’t understand.”_

_“She’s hurt, she misses your dad too I’m sure.”_

_“She used to be so strong.”_

_“Even the strongest heart can break.”_

_“Do you think mines strong enough to not break from you? The girl you loved and forgot. Do you even remember my name Leto? Do you remember me at all?”_

_“I’m sorry I had to forget you, it was the only way.”_

_“You may have changed your name but you will always be that scared little boy. Did you think you could get away from me? Did you think I wouldn’t find you?”_

_“No, you’re dead, you’re dead!”_

_“But my memory lives on in you. You can’t escape me boy. I made you who you are.”_

_“He’s right Leto, come back home. Leave Fenris behind and come home. I’m here I will protect you. Did you forget me too little brother? How could you forget me?”_

_“You betrayed me! You didn’t believe me. Get away all of you. This isn’t real this is a dream. It’s just a dream!”_

_“COME HOME LETO!”_

_“NO!” He screamed running from the voices of the past._

“Fenris wake up.” He heard a gentle voice and felt a soft caress over his cheek. He shot up quickly and Hawke fell over backwards. Her arm flailed out and he pulled her back before she could fall off the bed, the end result being her straddled into his lap. His breathing was erratic and she held his head against her chest and whispered gentle reassurances in his ear.

 

“Hey it’s all right. You’re not wherever you thought you were. I’m here.” He didn’t respond just pulled her closer until he could feel his heart rate come down. She stroked the back of his head, her nails gently grazing over his scalp where he kept it buzzed short. The effect was both relaxing and sensual and his mind fought between basking in her comfort and throwing her down to ravish her. Fear won out in the end and he let her continue to bring him a sense of calm.

 

“What time is it?” he finally said when his mind was no longer racing.

 

“Little bit after four.”

 

“Did I wake you?”

 

“No I snuck down for a cookie and I could see you were having a nightmare. Are you all right?”

 

“I am fine now.” He said and his voice trailed off, he wished to tell her of the fear of seeing ghosts long gone. But it was not something he felt he was ready to share with anyone.

 

“You don’t have to tell me what it was about if you don’t want to. I understand.” She said sensing his hesitation. She kissed the top of his head where it rested against her collar bone and he breathed in deep. She smelled like the cookies she had snuck down for.

 

“You have cookie crumbs on your shirt.” He said flicking them off, his fingers grazing the tops of her breasts. It took an iron force of will to not let his groin respond to the action. With her in his lap there was no way for him to hide it and he begged his body to not betray him.

 

“Thanks. Would you like one?”

 

“A cookie?”

 

“Yeah, you need a cookie after having a nightmare. Its like an unspoken rule of the dream world.” She said climbing out of his lap and walking towards the kitchen. She glanced back at him over her shoulder and he was compelled to follow her. They stood in silence eating cookies and drinking milk. It was calm and it was wonderful.

 

“I guess we should both go back to bed.” She said after they had cleaned up. She went to walk out of the kitchen but he grabbed her hand as she got to the doorway.

 

“Hawke wait.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I…thank you. For everything.”

 

She smiled and looked up her eyes widening. He followed her gaze and found a tiny sprig of mistletoe above them. One that Leandra had missed apparently. His gut wrenched and he knew that if he didn’t act he was likely to never have the courage necessary. He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Soft, sweet, and gentle.

 

“Merry Christmas Hawke.” He whispered against her lips.

 

“Merry Christmas Fenris.”

 

***

**Merrill** _12:34pm_

You kissed her?! yay!!!!

 

**Fenris** _12:39pm_

You really do tell each other everything…….

 

**Merrill** _12:41pm_

Oh please, I’m so proud of you though.

 

**Fenris** _12:43pm_

It was one kiss and I still haven’t told her how I feel about her

 

**Merrill** _12:46pm_

So kiss her again until you can!

 

**Fenris** _12:54pm_

I waited for the perfect moment, just like you said. What chance am I gonna have at another one happening again?

 

***

 

Hawke, Merrill and Bethany came back to Kirkwall for new years. Bethany wanted to spend it with Sebastian, Hawke and Merrill didn’t want to miss one of Varric’s parties. Merrill kept watching Hawke and Fenris throughout the night. Trying to come up with a plan to give them a perfect moment.

 

“Merrill you with me?” Krem asked her.

 

“Oh goodness yes I’m sorry. Something silly on my mind and I can’t form a plan to make it happen. I’m trying to make a moment happen, a moment that will inevitably end in a kiss.” She said wistfully.

 

“You can always do what the chief did two a friend of his.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Lock the two people in a closet and wait to hear the moaning.” Krem said with a laugh. Merrill smiled and gave him a hug. Hawke got up suddenly from the couch and stepped out onto the balcony. Fenris’s eyes followed her but he made no motion to join her. She pondered for a moment before an idea took hold of her. She made her way over to where he was standing and gave him an affectionate hip bump.

“Where’s Hawke?” Merrill she asked him, seemingly oblivious.

“I think she’s out on the balcony. It’s a bit warm in here; she probably just wanted some air.”

“It’s so cold out and look, she left her jacket inside.”

“You’re right. I should bring it to her.”

“You’re such a good friend Fenris.” Merrill said and she watched and waited.

He opened the door to the balcony, Hawke turned and smiled when she saw it was him coming out. He put her jacket on her and she zipped it up against the cold.

“Thanks, I needed to get some air. Sometimes there are just too many people around.”

“I understand the feeling quite well.”

“Everyone’s got a date tonight. Such a strange contrast from last year. It never ceases to amaze me how much can change even over a short period of time.”

“So here we are the lonely ones.”

“Nah, I’m not lonely I’ve got you.” she said with a smile. They looked out over the city seeing the twinkling lights of every building. Parties were happening all over.

“It’s almost time for the ball drop though. I guess we should head back in.” she said and tried to open sliding door and found that it was locked. She knocked on it but it seemed everyone had already headed up to the roof.

“We’re locked out.” She said with a slight panic in her voice.

“Shit seriously?” he said pulling on the door. Sure enough the door had been locked. Someone well meaning he supposed though he didn’t understand how they could have missed seeing the two of them standing out there.

“I’ll send a text to Bela and Merrill though I’m sure they will be distracted for quite a bit. New year’s kisses and all.” She said with her phone in hand sending rescue texts to her friends. The ball on top of the chantry lit up signaling the one minute warning before it made its descent. “Who came up with that stupid tradition anyway?” she said tapping out her last messages before putting her phone in her pocket.

“Someone who obviously was never single on new years.” He said smiling putting an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She laughed and rested her head against his chest feeling the warmth of him envelop her. They watched the ball drop and counted down together.

5  
He pulled her in tighter   
4  
She wrapped her arm over his stomach  
3  
He turned her to face him  
2  
They looked into each others eyes  
1

  
He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Not the sweet and soft kiss from Christmas. This was hard, sensual and deep. Her lips parted in a light gasp and he ran his tongue over them and into her mouth. She responded in kind and a small moan escaped him. His teeth closed down on her lower lip with a soft bite and her back arched pressing her body up against his. He tasted like wine and she wanted more. She wanted to drink the world so long as it could be found on his lips. When he pulled away she almost cried. He pressed his forehead against hers and breathed a sigh of pure relief.

"Happy new year Hawke." He said finally and she came to her senses. His eyes looking into hers and she could see her own desires reflected back.

"Happy new year Fenris."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know finally right?  
> Next time I say I am going to write the slowest of burns everyone has permission to smack me. This chapter means so much to me. I wrote their first kiss just days after I started writing the first chpaters. It was supposed to happen earlier. But I really wanted to play on the friends to lovers bit, so there you have it. I really hope you guys are happy because I am beyond thrilled to have finally gotten to this part. Have no fear, the story isn't over. Its just getting even more complicated.
> 
> Special thanks again to the lovely Emma for giving me the description of the pendant that was used. You are my muse.


End file.
